Picking Up The Pieces
by DeBo81
Summary: When life throws the Castles a curve ball, Rick and Kate are left standing amid the splinters of their shattered lives. Will their love story continue to beat the odds when they have to pick up the pieces and start over? Caskett AU
1. Chapter 1

**"Picking Up The Pieces" is an AU fic taking place in 2015, approximately a year and a half after Rick and Kate are married. When disaster strikes, will they be able to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and put them back together again?**

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**Hello all! Hope your summer was fantastic. We're a week out from season 5, and I don't know about you, but I'm excited!**

**This new fic is one I've been slowly working on ****_ALL_**** summer, and I am still not done writing it. I have finally picked up speed though (it's amazing what the excitement of a new season will do to inspire you), and am sooooooooo far into it, that I decided it's finally time to start putting this out. At this time, I'm planning to post around three times a week, likely Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. So if you get into it, look for more on those days. I'll try to let you know in advance if my posting schedule changes for some reason.**

**Disclaimer: I in no way own any part of Castle or ABC. I am simply borrowing all the wonderful characters they've given us, and am taking them on a little ride. I promise to put them back just as I found them when I am done.**

**Please enjoy...**

"Picking Up The Pieces"

by Debo81

"From my years of observing human behavior, I've learned one thing. We all change... and we all stay the same. I am exactly the same person I was back then. But, in some ways, I'm completely different." -Richard Castle (S.4 deleted scene)

June 2015

Rick glanced at his watch. He was going to be late. The award ceremony for the four officers receiving commendations was already starting and he was still three blocks away. When the cross walk light changed, he dashed across the intersection, praying that he'd make it before Kate, Ryan, Esposito and the other officer, Sgt. Epstein, would take the stage.

Six months earlier, Kate and the boys were investigating a case that led them to Hanover Middle School. While there, in a completely unrelated incident, a former teacher's aide, entered the school and began shooting. Thanks to Kate's team and the DARE officer who was visiting, the gunman was taken down before anyone was killed. Nine children, two teachers and a janitor were injured, but they survived. And today, they, along with their families and the rest of the city were publicly thanking the four NYPD officers who ended the incident before lives were lost.

If he missed this important day, he'd never forgive himself, nor would his wife ever let him forget it. Inspired by the thought of seeing Kate's disappointment, he picked up his pace. Now he was less than a block away.

Stopped at another intersection, Rick looked around, briefly toying with the thought of just dashing across traffic and hoping for the best, but he quickly dismissed that. City Hall was in his sights now. Maybe he'd be OK after all.

A scream pierced his ears from right next to him. A woman with a an infant strapped to her chest, yelled and lunged toward the street that her young son had just gleefully dashed into. Rick moved instinctively and chased the small boy. Horns blared and tires screeched. A cabbie cursed loudly out his window.

Just before reaching the other side of the road, Castle reached the child and pushed him onto the curb.

In that same instant, Rick's entire world went painfully black.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kate, fully adorned in her dress blues, repeated her steps across the tile floor of the hospital for the millionth time.

Martha and Alexis held each other on a couch nearby. Jim, Jenny, Kevin, Lanie and Javi stood in a quiet circle, sipping stale coffee, lost in their own thoughts.

They were a somber bunch, trying to hold out hope, but fearing for the worst. It had been hours since anyone had given them an update. Even if the nurse hadn't told them earlier, they all knew that the longer they went without good news, the less likely there would be any at all.

A TV in the waiting room had been on the entire time they'd been there, but Kate hadn't paid it the least attention, until the news came on, featuring a story that was all too close to home.

"Our top story tonight centers around best-selling mystery writer, Richard Castle," the well coiffed man on the TV announced. "Around one o'clock this afternoon, Castle became a hero when he saved the life of four year old Ezra Jakobson who ran away from his mother and directly into the intersection at Park Place and Broadway. Witnesses report that Castle never hesitated before following the child, and pushed young Ezra onto the sidewalk a mere second before a speeding SUV hit them. The toddler escaped with only scrapes and bruises, but the author turned guardian angel, didn't fare as well. Witnesses say he was thrown at least fifteen feet when the vehicle struck him, and hadn't regained consciousness before paramedics arrived. Aside from saying that Mr. Castle was transferred from New York Downtown Hospital to Presbyterian Hospital for treatment, no word has been released by either the hospital or Castle's publicist concerning his condition."

Several video clips showing the scene of the accident, and witness statements followed, but by then Kate had turned away. She didn't care that Rick was being praised as a hero, right now she just wanted to know that her husband would be alright. The world could point the spotlight all they wanted; she just needed to know he was still alive.

Another full hour passed before a middle aged surgeon in blue scrubs appeared. "Mrs. Castle?"

Kate stood from the chair she'd hunched down in. All eyes were on her. She nodded and took Alexis' hand, bringing her along.

The two Castle women met the woman who's badge read Dr. Olivia Waterman.

The doctor led them across the hall into a small alcove. Kate noticed that the doctor looked concerned and squeezed her step daughter's hand. The gesture was as much to comfort herself as it was to support the girl she'd come to love as a daughter.

"Is... is my dad...?" Alexis asked, not able to wait a moment longer, but unable to finish the question either.

The doctor licked her lips and made eye contact with both frightened family members. "He is alive," she nodded. "He's stable, out of surgery for the time being, and is in recovery."

"For the time being?" Kate asked. Knowing that Rick was alive, had given her such relief, that she almost missed the rest of the statement.

"He will need several other operations in the coming days. His injuries include compound fractures of the his right leg, a handful of broken ribs, a collapsed lung, broken collar bone and dislocated shoulder, but more seriously he has multiple skull fractures. These were our first concerns. We needed to alleviate the swelling and prevent blood clots from forming immediately. The next twenty four hours will be critical. If the swelling begins to reduce and his vitals remain stable, he has a chance at full recovery."

"A chance?" Kate mumbled numbly. Alexis had turned into Kate's shoulder and was crying softly. Kate just pulled her tight and tried to absorb the news.

"Outside of his injuries, your husband is in remarkable health, which will help him fight this battle. We'll know more in the coming days, but I believe he's strong enough to get through this."

"Can we see him?"

"I'm sorry. But not until he's moved into a room, which will most likely be in Neuro-Intensive Care, and probably not until morning. I can take you up to the waiting room on that floor, but that's for immediate family only." The doctor nodded toward the group watching them nervously.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sleep never came for Kate, Alexis or Martha who waited in the Neuro-ICU lounge. After sharing what the doctor had told them, Kate sent her friends and father away. They hugged her and tried to assure her, but in reality, there was little that could make any of this better.

Around nine a.m., a petite nurse opened the lounge door. "Mr Castle has just been moved. I can take one person in for a couple minutes, but most likely that will be the only visit he'll be allowed for a while."

"Is he awake?" Martha asked.

"No, he's sedated."

Kate looked to Alexis. As much as she wanted to run to him, she would not stand between father and daughter.

"You go." The redhead whispered. "I can't see him like this. Not yet."

She didn't argue. She wasn't really sure how she'd manage herself and she'd seen much worse than Alexis ever had.

As they walked down the hall, Nurse Carla Wynn prepared Kate by updating her on the details of Rick's condition and warning her about the excessive tubes, bandages, swelling and bruising that covered her husband's body. At the door, Carla offered to go in with Kate, but she told her she was a homicide cop and had seen worse. Kate appreciated the offer, but this was something she needed to do alone. The nurse patted her hand, gave her an encouraging smile, and said she'd be back soon.

Kate pushed open the sliding glass door and entered the dark room. Rick, her ruggedly handsome Rick, was unrecognizable. Only a swath of his lower face, and the fingers of his left hand were visible, and they were purple with bruises and scraped raw from road rash. He looked like a stranger.

Kate approached the bed slowly, eyes roaming his body from head to toe, looking for something that identified this poor man as her husband.

They'd removed his wedding band, his hair was covered, or likely shaved beneath the helmet of gauze, his body was wrapped in so many pads and bandages that he was an unfamiliar shape.

In a moment of panic, Kate's brain told her that maybe this wasn't Rick, maybe this was some unfortunate stranger and her husband was safe and sound somewhere else. Always the investigator, she quickly threw back the blankets, to see if she could find anything that identified this battered body.

Almost immediately her heart sank, taking all hope with it. Just above his left knee, toward his inner thigh, she spotted the crescent shaped birthmark she knew so well.

Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, as she replaced the covers and moved toward his face. She dropped a kiss on his cheek and ran a finger along his bottom lip, being careful not to touch the tubes coming from his nose and mouth.

"Rick, you listen to me right now." Kate whispered sharply. "You are going to fight this. I need you. You cannot give up! You are going to get stronger and you're going to recover. We're going to grow old together, remember?"

Only the rhythmic sounds of monitors, ventilators and pumps answered her.

"I believe that somehow you can hear me, so listen good. I love you Rick Castle. And I will be at your side every moment I can, but you have to promise me that you'll wake up. Alexis, Martha and I... we, we can't live without you. And I know you'd never hurt us, so don't let us down."

No response.

Kate watched and waited. She knew that both because of his injuries and the medication keeping him sedated, she shouldn't expect any type of reaction, but she held out for a sign.

When she didn't get one, she just repeated "I love you," over and over again again until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Nurse Carla had returned.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Castle, but your husband needs to be alone again. The neurosurgeon wants to check on him."

XXXXXXXXXX

Three days and two more surgeries later, Kate was again alone with her husband. It was the first time since the night of the accident. Martha had finally convinced Alexis to go home with her to get some rest. Jim had come and gone as well, after Kate told him she just needed time alone with Rick. The steady flow of nurses and doctors had also paused for the moment, giving her a brief reprieve.

The day before, Dr. Meijer told her that the swelling in Rick's head had stopped and appeared to finally be reducing. He was taken off the sedation medication, and now they just watched and waited for him to show voluntary signs of life. As of yet, he wasn't reacting to any form of stimulus, making for a grim outlook, but Kate would not give up.

Since the first night in his room, Kate had not shed a single tear. She'd sworn to herself that she'd be strong enough for both of them. Rick was not dead; she would not mourn him. She would be the steady rock that they all needed right now. It wasn't easy, but for her it was better than the alternative. If she let herself consider the worst possibilities, she knew she'd fall into a dark hole that would be almost inescapable.

"Hey Honey!" she spoke quietly. "I know you love a long nap, but it's time to wake up."

Some of the bandages had been removed, allowing her to take Rick's hand in hers. She gently stroked his palm with her thumb, continuing to encourage him.

Five minutes turned into ten, then ten into twenty, twenty into an hour, an hour into two. When she felt like she'd run out of things to say, she sang. When the emotions she was fighting choked off her melody, she opened a book and read to him. When her voice grew hoarse, she put the book away and just touched him, letting him know she was there.

The hours passed. The sky outside the window grew dark. The nurses no longer advised her to leave and get some rest, but brought her an extra pillow and blanket and wished her a good night.

Passing on the pull out "bed", Kate instead pulled her chair as close to the bed as possible and dropped her head against the mattress. Using the bed rail to support her arm, Kate never had to let go of Rick's hand.

When she felt her eyes growing heavy, she took her last waking moments to say "I love you," to the man she clung to. Never again would she waist such an opportunity. Life changed too quickly to assume there'd be a next time.

She stretched so that her mouth was at Rick's ear. "I hope you wake up soon, but no matter what happens, I'll love you, always."

The hand under her fingertips flexed. It was slight but it was there. Rick had finally moved!

The realization brought her fully awake.

"Honey, can you hear me?"

Nothing.

"Rick, it's me, Kate. Please Baby, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

A long second passed but then it happened. His thumb and forefingers twitched and then closed around her knuckles.

The tears of despair that Kate had held back, turned to tears of joy which gladly spilled down her cheeks. With her free hand, she laid on the call button for the nurse. If he was coming around, she wanted his doctors to know!

The next two hours were a blur as nurses, techs and two doctors made appearances. Rick didn't respond again to sound or light, but for the first time, he did react to pain stimulus in his fingers. There was still no response to pain in his feet.

It was a baby step, but it was one that sprung hope. They were nowhere near being out of the woods, but at least she felt like maybe there was direction.

When Rick was loaded onto a gurney and taken for tests, Kate texted Alexis back for the third time and then curled up in his bed, soaking up his lingering scent and warmth, which soon soothed her into a dreamless sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day her step daughter and mother in law rejoined Kate in Rick's new room in ICU. The three women tried to treat the day casually but they never stopped watching for continued signs of improvement.

By evening Rick was removed from the ventilator. His color, vitals and O2 levels, all steadily improving. To everyone's delight, before Alexis had left for the night, he'd lightly squeezed her hand.

The following day dawned with even more advances. Not only did Rick show response to pain in his feet, but his blood pressure returned to almost normal levels. While Kate joined Lanie for lunch int the cafeteria, Martha and Alexis saw him blink twice before falling back into sleep.

That evening, Kate, Alexis, Ryan and Esposito were all gathered in the room talking. At first no one saw Rick blink but when he flinched, they all noticed.

Both Castle women flew to him, flanking him on either side.

"Dad!" Alexis exclaimed at the same moment Kate breathed his name.

Rick looked around briefly, as he got his bearings. Confusion and pain were etched in every line of his face, but he remained awake.

"Alexis!" he finally rasped.

The red head was openly crying, as the three others shared grateful and relieved smiles. Kate pushed on the call button to summon the nurse.

"What happened?" His throat was so raw and dry that the words were barely audible.

Kate took his hand. "A little boy ran into traffic, you pushed him to safety but were hit by a car. You don't remember?"

Rick's questioning eyes darted between Kate and Alexis.

"Was anyone killed?"

"No, Dad! You were a hero!"

"Oh," he answered but it was evident that something wasn't clicking for him yet. Even softer now, and directed specifically at Alexis, he questioned, "Then why are the homicide cops here?"

Alexis and Kate turned to Ryan and Espo, who now looked as confused as the man between them, but Rick was only looking at Kate.

When she turned back to her husband, Kate gently squeezed his fingers. "Kevin and Javi are your friends, Hon, of course they'd be here. We've all been so worried about you."

Rick's heavily bandaged brow furrowed under the layers of white gauze. "I'm sorry, Detective Beckett, but did you just call me Hon?"

All the air left Kate's body. Two nurses entered, and upon finding their patient awake, shooed everyone out wile they paged a doctor and began taking Rick's vitals.

As the foursome walked down the hall toward the visitor's lounge. Kate stopped and slumped against a wall. "He doesn't remember... _us_."

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**A/N: Well I certainly hope this first chapter has left you wanting more, because there is a LOT more to come. But no worries, I will be posting again in two days. :)**

**I'd LOVE to hear any feedback you have now, or for any future chapters. It almost always inspires me and gives me a feel for what you the reader, enjoys. I'm not always very good at responding, but I do read each and every one! And I appreciate your response.**

**Before leaving you, I have one more important note. A thank you, to two very dear ladies, Teelduo and CastleKat. You guys don't like to take credit, but you've pushed me, inspired me, been brutally honest with me, and even stroked my ego a couple times. And for all of that, I thank you! You play the roles of BETAs, advisers, task masters, sounding boards, & publicists; but most of all, you are friends. I hope you know how important that is to me.**

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When the doctor entered the lounge an hour later, the waiting group had grown from four to eight. It only took a couple phone calls announcing that Rick was awake, to bring Martha, Jim, Lanie and Jenny.

Dr. Gold pulled out a seat, sat down and faced the eager faces of Rick's family and friends. "Well, good news. As you know, Rick is awake and he seems to be doing well. Physically, he still has a long way to go, but he's on the right track and making excellent progress. Emotionally... well, he's been through a lot, so I'm not concerned at all."

Kate interrupted the older gentleman. "What about his memory? He knew Alexis, and he knew who the guys and I were, but he didn't seem to recognize us as more than acquaintances!"

"He's lost some memory. He knows his name and can recall details from the past. But right now he has no short term memory at all. When we asked him today's date, he said March 12, 2009. He doesn't seem to remember anything later than that date."

Kate's heart sank. It was March 2009 that she brought Rick in for questioning and then he nosed his way into her life. He didn't remember anything about the six years that had passed. He didn't remember the years of partnership, friendship or marriage they'd shared.

"Is this permanent?" Martha asked.

"There's no way of telling this early, but I'd say he has a good chance of recovering the memories. The brain is a strange thing. On one hand, with a little time to continue healing and spend time with familiar faces, he may remember everything in a few days. On the other hand, it's possible the injuries he's sustained may effect his memory long term. Right now, I'd suggest trying to keep things as normal as possible for him. You may need to reintroduce yourselves today and maybe even repeatedly in the coming days. If he has questions, answer them honestly but don't flood him with information. Be patient and understanding. Many patients in similar situations experience guilt, anger, and frustration over the loss. This can cause him to shut down or regress. We'll know more soon."

Jim squeezed his daughter to his side. Lanie rested a comforting hand on Kate's shoulder.

Despite being shell shocked, Kate found her voice. "Can we see him?"

"Yes, but probably only one or two at a time. Like I said, we don't want to overwhelm him any more than he already is. Any other questions?"

No more were voiced, though, many were thought.

With that, the doctor stood, nodded to the group and left.

Jim hugged Kate tighter. "I probably should head home. I don't think he's ready to meet his father-in-law just yet, but keep me updated. Do you need anything?"

"No I'm fine, and I'll keep in touch Dad, thanks."

Kevin and Jenny stood. "This is a time for family, we can see him later."

Espo nodded and joined his partner. Lanie followed as well. "Take care guys. Don't hesitate to call us for any reason."

As soon as everyone left the room, Martha pressed a well manicured hand to each of the younger women's backs. "I'll wait here until he's ready for one more. Now go."

Alexis took a step forward, but Kate spun around. "No Martha, you go. He's expecting you not me."

"But Darling, you are his wife. It doesn't matter who or what he expects. You should be with him."

Kate caught her bottom lip between her teeth, questioning Martha with her troubled hazel eyes.

Martha took both of Kate's shoulders in her hands and looked her directly in the eyes. "Since the moment you two met, you two have been exactly what the other needed; even when you didn't know it. Now go."

Alexis slipped her long arm around Kate's thin waist, coaxing her toward the hall. "Come on Kate."

When the pair first entered the hospital room again, Rick appeared to be sleeping, but almost immediately his eyes were again open and searching.

A slow smile spread across his face. Fatherly adoration shown from his eyes as he took in Alexis as if it had been months since he'd seen her last. But when his gaze moved to Kate, she noticed the subtle change in his demeanor. He may not know they were a couple, but she could see the familiar look of attraction that made his eyes sparkle and his lips quirk upward.

Kate's stomach flip flopped with nervous butterflies under his appreciative scrutiny. For a moment she felt shy and breathless, but then reality slapped her in the face when his eyes, which had traveled the length of her body, met hers again. Instead of seeing love... she saw saw uncertainty.

"I must be the luckiest patient in the hospital" Rick quipped hoarsely. "I certainly have the most beautiful visitors."

Kate and Alexis shared a smile. Some things just didn't change. It was refreshing.

"How are you feeling?" Kate finally asked as she pulled her chair close to the bed.

"I guess, OK. They say I have some memory loss but they weren't surprised by that. Hopefully it'll all be back in a couple days."

Alexis perched on the edge of the bed, holding her father's hand. "But physically?"

Rick chuckled. "I've felt better that's for sure. Doc said I'm on a bunch of pain killers, but I think I could stand a couple more."

Awkward silence regained control of the room for several long minutes.

Rick, being Rick, broke through the quiet of the moment. "They said I've lost about six years. Anyone care to fill me in on what I'm missing?"

The two women shared a look over the bed, which Rick did not miss.

"OK, well how about the abridged version?"

"That's still a lot of information. Maybe if you just ask us questions, we can answer them." Kate suggested.

She knew that Rick picked up on her diversion tactic, but she pushed it aside and turned what she hoped was a pleasant smile toward him.

"Ooooookay. I guess." He smiled at his daughter. "My lord, if its been six years, that makes you what... Twenty?"

"Twenty-one last month!"

"Wow." Tears sprung to his eyes. "My little girl has grown into a beautiful woman!"

Alexis' lip trembled, but she bit back the emotions.

"Are you in college? Where do you go? What do you study?"

"I'm pre-med at Columbia. I'm hoping to go into forensic pathology."

"Forensic pathology? Are you sure? That's a bit..."

"Dad!" Alexis interrupted. "Trust me, we've had this discussion before and I assure you, you're very proud. I've been interning at the morgue with Dr. Parish for three years, and I'm positive. Yes, it's disgusting, emotionally taxing, full of long hours, and there's nothing glamorous about it, but I just feel called to it. There are days when I wonder why anyone would do this, but when we get answers, when I know that I've helped the police or a family get a step closer to achieving closure, I feel the thrill of the challenge and the fulfillment of doing something important. Now I know how you and Kate feel when you solve a case!"

"I solve cases? You mean like real police cases?"

Kate touched Rick's arm. "What exactly is the last thing you remember concerning us?"

The tips of Rick's eyebrows peeked out from under the white bandages swaddling his head, when he frowned in thought. Even that simple act looked painful.

"Ummmmm... you came to me for a consultation because someone was killing people in the same way I'd written in my books. But... we got him didn't we? Tinsdale... we chased him down the ally, he held me at gun point, but you didn't know the safety was on, so you kinda freaked. But we got him! I think we made a pretty good team."

"You're right, we did."

"There's more isn't there?"

"Yeah."

Kate and Rick stared at each other, neither one speaking while their minds raced. Alexis leaned forward and kissed her dad's cheek. "I'll be back in a little while. Right now you guys need to talk."

"Oh, OK. Don't be gone too long. I love you, Lex."

"Love you too."

The moment they were alone again, Kate stood from her chair, dropped the bed rail and slid a hip onto Rick's mattress.

"So Detective, obviously there's more to this story. Tell me, did you find that you liked having a crime fighting partner? Did you add me to your team? Or perhaps we have a relationship of a more personal nature. Are we friends? Lovers?"

She knew that he was teasing her; that he had no idea how accurate his questions really were.

"Something like that."

"Well Beckett, which is it?"

Kate's eyes spoke to Rick, but it felt like a language he didn't quite understand. He instinctively knew he should understand, and it left him feeling desperate when he couldn't grasp the depth of the situation.

"All of them."

Rick's eyebrows shot up behind the veil of gauze and flinched. He reached his hand toward hers, which she took.

"Really? We're a couple?"

"We are." Kate swallowed hard, choking off everything that wanted to pour out.

"I'm so sorry I don't remember."

"It's not your fault Rick. I'm sure you'll get it all back soon."

"But it still hurts you that I didn't recognize you as more than an acquaintance."

"It hurts me to see you in pain and scared and suffering."

"Ooooooh don't worry about me. I don't remember a lot, but I know I've gotten myself out of bad situations before."

"Not like this."

"I'll take your word for it, but please try not to worry. I'll be OK."

Kate bit her lip while she stared deep into his eyes. "I love you Rick. I can't help but worry."

Rick's whole body stiffened slightly. She physically felt the shift. But more than that, Kate emotionally felt him pull back.

"Love." Rick blew air out his mouth while his mind raced. "So this is a serious relationship?"

Kate couldn't stop the lone tear from spilling. Her heart and soul had been on a roller coaster for so long. She was reaching her breaking point.

Instead of speaking, she simply nodded and raised her left hand so that he could see her engagement and wedding bands.

"You're married?" he asked softly, now confused again.

"WE are married, Rick. It'll be two years on December 7th."

For a full minute Rick didn't move, didn't speak, didn't breathe. Then suddenly his face broke into a giant grin.

"OK, you had me there for a second. The rings are convincing. But I've already been married twice. That ship has sailed."

When Kate didn't laugh, he stopped speaking and watched as she pulled something from her shirt. It was a necklace with a ring on it. She took it off and handed it to him, slow, full, tears now falling freely from her cheeks and dripping onto his hand.

A heavy lump filled the pit in his stomach. Was she serious?

After taking the ring, he turned it so he could read the inscription. _R & K_ _Partners in life and love. Always._

"Bec... Kate. I... I.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't know. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive."

"I feel like a colossal ass."

"And I'm sure it won't be the last time. Please don't worry about it."

Rick reached for her hand again, but it felt awkward. "Please tell me everything. Help me remember."

"There's so much."

"I'm not going anywhere." he replied firmly.

"The doctor said not to overwhelm you."

"Too late, I'm already overwhelmed... and look, I survived it. Please."

Kate used her free hand to brush back her hair. "Where do I even start?"

"Easy. I remember the answer to that one... the beginning."

Kate watched him long and hard before nodding ever so slightly.

"Well you remember the Tinsdale case. Do you remember going to the mayor and Captain Montgomery and convincing them to allow you to follow me for "research"?"

"No."

"You did. You'd just killed off Derek Storm and your publishers were pressing you for your next book. You used it as an excuse to shadow me."

"You weren't happy about that?"

"No, not at the time."

"I hit on you didn't I?"

"Frequently."

"It didn't work, did it?"

"Not at all." Kate paused and then smiled "Weeeeeeeeell, it sorta did, but I wasn't going to inflate your ego by telling you. Besides, your cheesy pick up lines and suggestive innuendos weren't nearly as charming as the compassionate, kind-hearted, courageous, generous man hiding behind all the bravado."

"But something must have worked."

"Yes, though not overnight. Little by little, in the months and then years that you spent shadowing me, you went from nuisance to friend, to partner, to confidant... then _more_. A year later you proposed. Seven months later we were married. That was a year and a half ago."

"Tell me more. Tell me our story."

Kate stroked his hand for a long time before continuing.

"You knew what we had before I did. I was... in a rough spot with other things in my life, but that's a story for another time. I was focused on the pain of the past and fear of the future. It blinded me to what I had right in front of me. It took some close calls, some brutal honesty and lots of time, for me to come around, but once I did... we jumped in with both feet and never looked back."

"That was a summary not a story."

"I think it's enough for now. You haven't been awake for even three hours yet. I don't want to rush things."

Rick yawned despite his efforts to suppress it.

"See, you're exhausted. There's always tomorrow."

"Hopefully tomorrow, I can tell you our story."

"I hope so. I just want you to be alright."

"Don't worry. It'll be OK."

"I wish I had your confidence."

"It sounds like we've already beat the odds getting to this point. What makes you think that should stop now?"

Before Kate could answer, there was a knock on the door. Another doctor was in to examine his newly awakened patient.

Two hours later, Kate left the hospital to go home and sleep for the first time since the accident. Rick had told her, the only way he would rest was if she promised to do the same.

That night, though laying in two beds, miles apart, both Mr. and Mrs. Castle pondered what tomorrow would bring.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next morning Kate arrived at the hospital early, before breakfast, before visiting hours, and she hoped, before the doctors made their rounds. She was anxious to see if Rick's memory had improved. She wanted, no, _needed_, her husband back.

As she approached his room, Rick's laughter floated out into the hall. It was a sound that lifted her spirits and made her pulse race. Excitement hurried her steps, bringing her into his room on a euphoric cloud.

Just as she reached for the drawn curtain, the sound of a woman's bubbly voice caused Kate to freeze in her tracks.

"Oh my gosh that's so crazy, Rick!"

"I know, right? I couldn't find my clothes for hours!" came his reply. Kate recognized the tone. It was the flirty one he used when schmoozing.

The first woman, along with another, laughed and then someone said something Kate didn't catch. More laughter followed.

"Do you have any more gauze pads?" the second female voice asked.

"No, this is my last one. Are there more in the cart?"

After a bit of rattling around, woman two answered. "No, I'll go grab some more from supply."

Before Kate realized that she was about to get caught eavesdropping, a nurse pulled back the curtain bringing them face to face.

Kate's mouth moved to make an excuse but words failed to come. Both nurses, Kriss and Lisa, if she recalled correctly, smiled kindly. Kate had become acquainted with them and several others during the last week.

"Kate!" Lisa cooed. "You look like you finally got some rest!"

"A bit."

"Good, we were starting to worry about you, Sweetie." She continued on to the door. "I gotta go get something, but I'll be right back."

With that, the curly haired whirlwind flew out the door and down the hall.

Kriss continued to work with Rick, unwrapping and then cleaning his wounds. "We're almost done here." She turned to Kate. "He's healing nicely."

Kate nodded. She was still too flummoxed to do anything else. She'd gone from elated, to shocked, to jealous, to embarrassed in just minutes and now as she met Rick's eyes, she worried. He looked at her with heart breaking confusion.

"How are feeling today?" Kate asked him as she approached the foot of the bed.

"Better, I think."

"That's good."

Lisa returned with more supplies and then began to help Kriss re-wrap Rick's arm.

Rick stared at Kate with such intensity that it made her uncomfortable. Thankfully the nurses finished and were soon headed out the door.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, the moment the door closed.

"What!? No. Why do you ask?"

"Something's wrong. I can see it all over your face."

Kate immediately masked her feelings, using the same practiced stoicism that she'd perfected on the job.

Rick sat up a little straighter. "Don't do that Kate. I may not remember us, or know you like I should right now. But I know people, and you're putting up a wall. What did I do?"

She dropped her bag in the chair and then stared at his scraped hands. "Its not you. It's me."

"Well that's cliché. Are you breaking up with me or something?"

"No. Its just that I heard you laughing, and I got so excited that maybe your memory was back. But then I heard you flir... uh, talking with the nurses and realized most likely it wasn't, and maybe you had even forgotten again that we were married, and I just..."

"Got jealous?"

She wouldn't meet his eyes, so instead she looked out the window. "I wouldn't put it that way. I was... concerned."

"Concerned that I was interested in someone else."

"Could I blame you? You don't even remember me, not really."

Rick tugged on her hands until she looked him in the eye. "I have to ask you a question and I need you to be 100% honest."

So many questions, worries, and hopes danced between them as they stared into each other's eyes.

"Have I ever cheated on you?"

Kate literally choked as the question came out of his mouth.

"No! Never! Why would you ask that?"

"Have I ever given you reason to believe I wouldn't be true to you... even when things go wrong?"

The monitors ticked for several seconds. "No. Since we've been together, I've never questioned where your loyalties lie."

"Then believe me when I tell you now, that I may not..." Rick paused while he looked for the right words. "... I may not remember our relationship, or even "feel" married, but I _know _that I am married. And I will not jeopardize that. I was just telling some stories to the nurses while they worked. It helped me get my mind off the pain. And I'm sorry if you thought I was flirting with them or something, but you are my wife, and I respect everything that means."

Great! Now Kate felt like the Queen of the Witches. She'd just jumped to conclusions without giving Rick any credit at all.

"You don't need to apologize. I do. I didn't trust you, and I am soooooo sorry. You weren't doing anything wrong and I judged you unfairly."

All the seriousness melted from his face as a playful, boyish grin took its place. "No worries. We've both been through a lot. This isn't going to be easy for either of us. We'll just keep working through it and talking it out and I'm sure we'll be fine, right?"

Kate didn't share his confidence, but she did share his hope. "Right."

Within the hour, breakfast was delivered, a tech came and drew two vials of blood, and a volunteer delivered more vases of flowers. This time there was one from James Patterson and one from Rick's publishing house, Black Pawn. They would be added to the others already at home. From the 12th to the Mayor's office, to Rick's friend Joss Whedon, who'd directed the latest Nikki Heat movie, everyone close to them had sent something. The loft was looking more and more like a botanical garden each day.

While Rick nibbled on his dry eggs and half burnt toast, Kate sat by his side watching.

He offered his fork to her. "Want some?"

She looked from his hopeful face to the slightly greenish lump on the plate. "Thanks, but no thanks. I promise, as soon as I get clearance, I'll bring you some real food... and coffee that doesn't taste like a monkey peed in battery acid."

Rick guffawed. "That sounds like something I would say."

"You did say it."

"I did?"

"Yes, about the station's coffee, right after you started following me. It wasn't long before you bought a high-end cappuccino machine for the break room. You won a lot of points with the bullpen that day!"

"So I take it, the hospital is all out of grande skim lattes, with two pumps sugar free vanilla?"

"Yeah, something like that." Kate sat up abruptly as realization dawned. "What did you just say?!"

Uncertainty clouded Rick's face for a moment. "Uhhhh. I don't know. What did I say?"

"You joked that that hospital didn't have grande skim lattes, with two pumps sugar free vanilla. That's my coffee order. You've bought or made me one almost every day for more than five years! You remembered!"

"I did!" He exclaimed... but then withdrew. "I did? I don't feel like I remember it. I don't remember bringing you coffee. Is that like "our thing"?"

Rick's questions didn't deflate her. He'd remembered something about her and that was all the hope she needed at the moment. "Yes, its 'our thing'. One time you told me you brought me coffee everyday, 'just to see me smile'. It was important to me before that, but after you told me..." Kate trailed off briefly as she thought back over time long passed. "After you told me, it became even more so. It was like a warm hug or a good morning kiss. It was a way to say how we cared for each other without words."

"Do you bring me coffee?" His eyes were warm and curious as he searched her face.

"Yes, but more often in the evening after a long day. We break out the decaf and just unwind. Although, despite the lack of caffeine, it does have a tendency to lead to other things that keep us awake long into the night."

Kate's cheeks flushed as she watched the knowing arousal darken Rick's blue eyes. The were married for goodness sakes! She shouldn't feel so shy, but for some reason, talking to him about their sex life left her feeling exposed.

Rick's rough thumb brushed over the smooth skin on the back of her hand. The intensity of his stare only increased.

"Are we, uh... good, together?"

Butterflies danced in her abdomen. "We're extraordinary."

Without realizing it, Kate had leaned in even closer to her husband. She couldn't help it, she was inevitably drawn to him.

"Tell me, about_ us_." Rick's voice had dropped a full octave and had taken on the gravelly tone she knew so well.

She swallowed deeply, letting her eyes drop to his lips before dragging them back to his eyes. This was neither the time or the place, but those eyes...

Kate licked her lips, before taking the bottom one between her teeth. Rick's lips parted instinctively.

"Our love life has always been amazing."

"That great huh?"

"You have no idea."

"Whoa... deja vu. I remember a conversation like this after catching Tinsdale."

"That was flirtation and speculation. What we really have doesn't hold a candle to the attraction we may have felt that day. I've never told you this, but I'm glad we didn't rush into a relationship together. All we went through together, made what we had so much more. The years of friendship and partnership wasn't a waste of time, it was building a foundation."

Rick visibly recoiled. "But now all that's gone."

Kate caressed his rough cheek. "No its not."

"It is for me. I don't know what we've been through, good or bad. You're my wife and a stranger all at the same time."

Kate knew that in all aspects right now, she should back off but something propelled her onward. Without hesitating, she bent over the bed and met his lips with her own. At first, he froze in stunned paralysis, but like riding a bike, some things you never forget.

Rick lifted his better arm so that he could bury his hand in her hair, then pulled Kate toward him to deepen the kiss.

He tasted like mouth wash; she tasted like coffee, and to be honest, neither of them remembered anything quite so good.

When Rick groaned, Kate bit down on his bottom lips before gently sucking on the tender flesh.

He moaned again but this time pulled back just a bit.

"Is this refreshing your memory?" Kate asked as she met his mouth again.

Rick's moaned didn't sound as pleasant as she hoped, causing her to open her eyes. It took a second before the euphoria of the moment faded and Kate really saw Rick's face. He was in pain.

"Oh my God! What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

He tried to shake his head but bit down on his lip, when he couldn't move without intensifying the pain. His face was bright red and the monitors had rapidly increased their rhythm.

"Let me call a nurse!" She whispered in a slight panic, but he grabbed her wrist weakly to halt her movement and then shook his head, the little he was able.

"No. Don't. I'll be fine. Just give me a minute."

Kate was not convinced, but she didn't press the call button. "Rick, you are in pain. I can clearly see that. Is it your head?"

A pained and ironic chuckle escaped his whitened lips. "Not exactly."

Kate's confusion added to her fear. She wasn't in the mood for games.

Rick nodded toward his lap with his eyes squeezed shut. He still wasn't able to say much. "Catheter."

"Catheter?" It took a second but then Kate put the pieces together. Although much of Rick was injured and unable to function, there were parts that were functioning completely normally.

"I am sooo sorry, Rick. Is there anything I can... do?"

"Uh, no. I just need some time to relax and you know... think of baseball or the queen."

"Try Captain Gates."

"Who?"

"Never mind. Can I get you an ice pack or something?"

"No, I'm better already. But maybe we should hold off on refreshing my, uh, memory for a while longer."

"You're right. That shouldn't have happened anyway. You're injured and... and... I feel like I took advantage of you."

"Feel free to take advantage of me any time you want Detective, _after _things are back to normal."

The joke didn't have its desired effect on Kate. He still thought of her as "Detective Beckett". Even if the attraction was there... the feelings weren't.

She forced what she hoped looked like a natural smile and patted his hand. "I'm sure things will be normal very soon."

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**A/N: Well I hope you're enjoying this story. This chapter was a little more sexy and playful. It was fun to write. Perhaps it's helped you make it through this final stretch to the premiere.**

**Hope you have a great weekend. See you again Monday morning, just hours before the moment we've all been waiting for!**

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Several more days passed, with steady physical improvements but few mental ones. Incidents such as the automatic recollection of Kate's coffee choice and Rick humming along to a song that had been released several months earlier were good signs, but were classified as more automatic, subconscious actions, especially since he couldn't recall either when asked to repeat them. He still could not actively remember anything from recent years.

Friends and family came and went throughout the days. Often their company was welcomed, but on more than one occasion Rick was left feeling depressed when he realized how little he knew those he cared about so much.

Kate had only gone home to sleep twice, claiming she slept better at Rick's side, even in a lumpy chair, than she did in her own bed, alone. But despite the excuses, her exhaustion showed more and more each day.

"Hey Sleepy Head! Care to join me for dinner?" Rick's soft voice penetrated through the fog in Kate's brain.

"Wha?" she mumble as she blinked the sleep away.

"Your dad stopped by a little while ago, but wouldn't let me wake you. He brought us dinner."

"I'm not hungry."

"Sure you are, you skipped lunch, and I'm sure that fruit and oatmeal you had this morning are long gong."

"No, I'm really not."

"C'mon Kate, you're going to make yourself sick. You're not eating. You're not really resting when you sleep. If you get sick they won't let you stay with me all day... and then where would I be?" His big blue eyes grew round and adorably childlike.

"Mr. Castle are you saying you'd miss me?"

"I would."

Kate stretched and reached for the strawberry milkshake on the tray but avoided the taco salad Rick pushed her way. "Well that is very sweet, but I assure you I'm fine. Everything that's happened this month has just caught up with me. In a few days I'll be fine. Trust me, this happens when work gets uber crazy too."

Rick sighed. "I hate this."

"What? The food?"

Rick slowly shook his head. "No. The food is fine. I hate that I don't know what your work day is like; that when you tell me this is normal for you, I can't relate or remember. For all I know, you could be telling me that just so I drop it. Or... or maybe you're playing it down, and normally this kinda stress is much worse. It's not that I don't believe you... it's just that I should already KNOW this stuff! I feel… stupid... lost... and just so frustrated!"

Kate stood up and sat on Rick's bed. He was able to shift ever so slightly, allowing her more room to join him. She let her thumb graze his stubbled cheek.

"Rick, I cannot even begin to fathom what you're going through right now, but you are not stupid. Frustrated? Yes, that's understandable. But look how far you've come in just a week?"

"I don't remember a single thing more, now, than I did then."

"Nooooo, but you KNOW more. And you've remembered everything we've told you. Slowly, you're building back your past."

"No, I'm not. There's a difference between learning history and having lived through it. It's been a week, Kate. What if this never comes back? What if I've lost six years of my life!?" He met her gaze. "... Of _our_ lives."

"The doctor said this could take time. We shouldn't worry about that right now. Its only been a week since you woke up. Your body is healing from a huge trauma. Right now, I'm just thankful you're alive and talking and can move all your fingers and toes. You'll get through this." She took his hands in hers.

"_W__e_will get through this, together."

Rick was silent for a long time. Eventually he began picking at his food, but didn't eat much.

"I appreciate everything you've done Kate, but you should move on, resume normal life. I can't ask you to just sit here at my side every day, putting your life on hold, for no reason."

That did it. Kate was not going to tip toe around him anymore.

"Just shut up right now." she told him firmly. "Look, I'm not here because I have to be, or because I think it's the right thing to do. I am here because I want to be here. You are my husband. There is nowhere else I would be. And if the tables were turned, I _know_ you'd be here by my side. I love you Rick. To hell with the rest of the world, and with all the what ifs, and with all the doubts and worries. You cannot convince me to walk away. Not now. Not ever."

"What about your job?"

"I'm on leave."

"But for how long? Soon you'll need to go back, even if I'm not fully recovered."

"I have plenty of time."

Rick didn't look convinced, so she knew it was time to share more.

"About two weeks before the accident I started a one year sabbatical. I just.." Kate chewed her lip for a moment. "Needed some time away from the force to..." she looked at him and continued to choose her words carefully. "...Relax. I've been really stressed for a while. Also, I made a decision to not pursue promotion. I don't want to become a paper pusher. I want to work with the people, for the people. I want to work the cases. I'm the lead detective and I love that. But if I spin my wheels for too long, it can effect my team too. Javi wants to work his way up. He has dreams of becoming Captain. I don't. And it's not like I need the raise. This way, by taking the time off, Espo becomes lead, gets on the radar for promotion, and gets the experience he'll need being a team leader, and I get to regroup. Win-Win."

Rick didn't look happy, but he did seem to settle down.

"You wouldn't make that up just to appease me, would you?"

"Would you like me to call Javi so you can ask him yourself? It's no secret. I needed personal time, he needed experience. The day of the accident, we were at an awards ceremony. That was my last official police business until next June. So stop trying to get rid of me and let me help in any way I can. Even if it's just sitting at your bedside, keeping you company and answering your questions."

He continued to visibly soften.

"On one condition."

"Name it."

"You need to eat something."

Kate stared hard, but he turned on the charm.

"Fine, I guess for you, I could eat a little something."

XXXXXXXXXX

Much later that night, or early the next morning, Kate realized after glancing at her watch, she woke from her pullout bed and padded into the restroom. After taking care of business, she took a long look in the mirror. She'd lost weight. Her cheek bones and collar bones protruded from under her skin, and her eyes seemed to host permanent dark circles. She could understand Rick's concern over her health and appreciated it, but she wished he would stop doting on her. He was the one who needed doting right now. After all, she slept whenever she could. She ate when she was hungry. And just seeing him laugh, smile and talk eased the anxiety of the situation bit by bit.

She shut off the light and opened the door only to almost run into someone.

Nurse Kriss was headed back out into the hall but stopped abruptly when Kate appeared.

"Oh gosh Kate! I'm so sorry I didn't see you there."

"No problem. I didn't know you were there either."

Not skipping a beat, the nurse leaned in. "While I have you here, do you mind if we talk for a second?"

Kate suddenly felt uneasy but nodded and followed the shorter woman into the brightly lit hall.

"How are _you_ doing?" the perky brunette asked.

"Ummmmmmm. Fine. I think. Why?"

"Well I know Rick's been concerned about you lately. He mentioned that you weren't eating much and seemed weak. I just want to make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard. No one would blame you for needing to take a day off."

"I'm fine." Kate snapped. "I keep telling everyone, being at home does not help. I'll be fine because I _am_ fine.

Kriss didn't flinch from Kate's feisty retort. She saw people at their worst all the time and let their reactions fall away without taking it personally.

"And that's fine. It really is. I know if my husband were here, I wouldn't leave either. I'm not trying to get you to leave. I just wanted to make sure that you were hanging in there. I'm here to help."

Pacified by the nurse's response, Kate relaxed some. The image from the mirror came back to her with blaring clarity. Maybe there was a reason everyone was so concerned. Kate shifted uncomfortably.

"Actually, there is one thing."

"Shoot."

"Rick's right. I have been feeling a little under the weather, but between the stress and the fact that I haven't been working out or getting much sunlight these days, it's normal. It's how I get. Maybe you could recommend some vitamins or something? I know I should take them all the time, but to be honest, it's probably been ten years. I'm sure that would just help me feel a little more normal, you know?"

"I do, and I think it's a great idea. You could try a regular multi vitamin... or some B vitamins, but to be honest, I think the best thing would be to let me take a little blood, send it to the lab, and I'll show it to Dr. Walker in the morning. He'll be able to tell you exactly what you might be a little low in and customize a vitamin regiment just for you."

"Really? Blood work for vitamins?"

"You don't have to."

"No, no. I guess that's fine."

"Here, come down the hall with me, and it'll just take a minute."

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After breakfast that morning, Rick was taken for some CT scans. Kate moved to his bed and watched The Price Is Right while dozing in and out of sleep.

A knock at the door brought her fully awake.

"Come in."

Kriss hadn't waited for the invitation and was already half in the room, carrying a sheet of paper and a white paper bag.

"Got your labs back! And you're right, vitamins should help some."

"Ohhh, am I anemic or something?"

"Actually, a little bit. Most of your counts were slightly low, but nothing dangerous. I took the liberty of grabbing some samples for you, which you can start taking today, but you should probably make an appointment with your regular doc soon too, just so you can be written a script for long term."

Kate opened the bag and pulled out one of six, small, identical bottles.

"What kind of vitamins are these?"

"Prenatals. Congratulations!"

It was a good thing Kate was sitting on a bed because she might have collapsed if she'd been standing.

"Excuse me?"

"You're pregnant. Its why you're exhausted, weak and don't want to eat." The nurse paused, and smiled even brighter than before. "I'm assuming you didn't know."

"No, no, no I didn't," she repeated again as she lost herself in thought.

"I'm so excited for you guys! Do you have any idea how far along you might be?"

"Not really. We've been trying, but after going off birth control my cycle has been all weird. They ran some tests, but couldn't find anything. It hasn't even been a year yet though, so we haven't tried drugs or in vitro or anything. Lets see, what's today's date?"

"The 19th."

"And I think my last period started like the last day of April. That's like what, six, seven weeks?"

Kriss nodded and grinned.

"Oh my god, I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby! I can't wait to tell Rick!"

The happy nurse couldn't resist and leaned in to give the new mom to be, a giant hug, but Kate stiffened in Kriss' arms.

"What's wrong?"

When they moved apart Kate was white as a ghost, and as close to panic strickened as Kriss had ever seen.

"I'm having a baby with a man who doesn't even remember we're married. He hasn't seemed to mind that so far, but I know that a part of him now, mentally, is back to being a bachelor. He isn't the man who sat with me on the edge of the tub month after month, waiting for a pregnancy test to develop. What if he doesn't want the baby?"

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled."

Kate thought back to the swinging bachelor Rick was when they first met, and tried to imagine telling him he was going to be a dad again. She knew he would take responsibility, but for some reason couldn't picture him being thrilled. It broke her heart. For seven months this is exactly what they'd hoped for, and now, the thought of carrying his child made her sick with anxiety. They'd spent so long just hoping for a chance to have a son or daughter together, but right now it was the last thing she needed.

Tear after tear slipped down Kate's cheeks. Her shoulders trembled and her heart raced. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. She wanted to run and hide from it all, but how do you escape a situation that is so much a part of you?

Kriss soothed Kate with gentle words she barely heard, and eventually the tears dried. Crying would not change the situation, so she needed to face it head on. Many women faced worse situations than this every single day. Her baby would be loved and provided for, even if Rick didn't want to be a dad again. They would find a way. Maybe, hopefully, it would grown on him before the birth.

It took about twenty minutes, but eventually Kate was calm and the nurse went back to her other duties. Once alone, she felt the panic begin to rise again.

Quickly, Kate grabbed a paper and pen from her purse and wrote Rick a note. She had to go out for a little while but she'd be back later that night. She only hoped he'd understand.

XXXXXXXXXX

It was after dark when Kate returned to Rick's room that night. During her walk around the city, she'd decided to wait a bit longer before telling her husband the big news. Maybe his memory would return and they could celebrate both miracles at once.

She hoped that maybe he would be asleep already when she arrived, so that she wouldn't have to answer his questions. But no such luck.

"Hey! Look who returned! I was beginning to worry. Everything OK?"

And with that one innocent question, Kate Castle's stoney resolve began to crumble.

At first it was just a slight lip tremble. But Rick noticed and she knew it. So she looked away. Wrong move. It only brought on more questions. She considered just leaving again, but her feet were planted numbly to the floor.

"Kate, talk to me. What happened?"

"Nothing happened, Hon. I'm fine."

"Bull. You're trying to hide something and are failing miserably."

"What do you know about me?"

Rick recoiled as if she'd slapped him, but it only lasted a second before it just spurred him on. "I know plenty about you Kate, even if I can't remember everything. I know you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and feel responsible for everyone you care about. I know you don't trust easily but are fiercely loyal to those whom you do trust. I know you're sweet and kind and loving to the point of neglecting yourself. And I know that you're not the kind of woman who keeps things from her husband."

"You know all that from spending a week with me?"

"I'm not a stranger." Rick patted his head "This may be a little rusty..." he moved his hand so that he poked at his chest "...but this is working just fine. You're a part of me Kate. I may not be able to tell you how I know, but I do."

She tossed her purse onto the closet shelf next to her and then flopped down on the couch. With one hand she pushed back her hair and with the other, she pinched the bridge of her nose. She wasn't ready to tell him, but she didn't see any other choice.

"Are you sure you want to know what's going on Rick? There's no going back."

"Of course. Come here."

Rick was slightly surprised when she complied, but he scooted over as much as he could to accommodate her.

She procrastinated several more minutes, scared of how he'd react. He was patient and didn't push her until finally she just bit the bullet.

"You know how earlier today I told you that I was on a leave of absence from work?"

"Yes."

"And I explained that it was so that I could relax."

"And Esposito could move up."

"Right, well the reason I needed to relax was because we've been trying to start a family, and we thought that perhaps the stress I was under was preventing that."

"Okaaaaaaaay."

Kate couldn't tell if Rick was following her or not.

"So I took a year off so that if relaxing didn't help nature along, I could start any treatments necessary. And if it did work, I'd use the time as maternity leave."

"And now you're upset because I'm injured, so conceiving might take longer?"

"No. That's not it. It's more like, since the memory loss..."

Rick interrupted. "Oh, you're worried that maybe I don't want kids anymore?"

Hearing the words out loud made the breath in Kate's throat catch.

"Do you?"

"I loved being a father to Alexis, and was sad that I never had more children. But Meredith and Gina, they weren't mother material. You know? It's not for everyone. And I saw what it did to Lex when she didn't get the motherly love she needed, so I was always careful I never put another child in that situation, no matter what I wanted."

"But now?"

"Now is different isn't it? What scares me, or I should say, scared me in the past, was the thought of failing at marriage again, not becoming a parent again. But I guess I got over that didn't I, or you probably wouldn't be here with me now? And from what I can tell, I think you'll be a great mom someday."

She swallowed deeply, looked at their linked hands and squeezed his fingers. "I'm glad you feel that way, because I got some news today."

When she looked back up, she saw the recognition in his eyes. She knew he'd put it all together.

"You're...?"

"_We_ are going to have a baby."

Silence filled the room. It wasn't what she expected. She didn't figure that he'd scream or cry with joy. And she'd hoped he wouldn't be angry. But the blank expression he wore threw Kate for a loop. And since he didn't speak, neither did she. She needed to know how he felt before she could go on. It felt like minutes, if not hours, before he relaxed into a true grin.

"We're having a baby." Though whispered, Kate could hear the awe in his voice and nodded. She finally relaxed and smiled too.

"The way I calculate it, probably near the beginning of February."

"My _wife_ is having our _baby_. Are you sure I'm not hallucinating from this head injury?"

"Not unless I am too."

"Wow. That's a lot to take in."

"Yeah, it kinda is."

Rick took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We're happy about this, right?"

"I hope you are. I am." For the first time Kate allowed herself to really start getting excited. She was going to be a mom.

"Truthfully, I'm a bit overwhelmed, but yes, I'm happy too."

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**A/N: We made it folks... tonight is the night! It's officially Castle Monday! I am so buzzed right now I could sing and dance... but I'll spare you that.**

**I hope that everyone had a great weekend, and I really hope you're continuing to enjoy "Picking U The Pieces". I think many of you will be pleased with all the ups and downs Rick and Kate are going through at this point and will continue to go through in the coming months of their lives.**

**I'd love to read your feedback.**

**Also, special get well hugs to my friends reading from the hospital (you know who you are;) ). I hope that Castle Monday brings smiles to your faces!**

**Well until Wednesday, if we survive the premier...**

**Happy Reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When Kate awoke early the next morning Rick was already awake, propped up in bed and staring at her eagerly.

"Hey," Kate mumbled groggily. "You look… chipper this morning."

Rick seemed to ignore her comment and dove into what was on his mind. "Who should we tell first?"

"Kate rubbed her eyes and sat up straighter. "Tell who what?"

"Our big news!" When she didn't answer, he clarified. "You know, the baby!"

"Yes, I knew what you meant. Why do we have to tell people so soon?"

"Cause we're excited! Cause they'll be excited. Who doesn't love babies?"

She moved closer to her husband. "I don't think I wanna tell people yet, Rick. I haven't even seen a doctor yet. What if the blood test was incorrect or if something goes wrong?"

"I don't think the blood test would be wrong. And I'm sure you and the baby will be fine!"

"Even if you're right, I still want to wait. I don't want the press getting a hold of this. Between your injuries and you saving that little boy and now the baby, they'd make the whole thing into a circus. Remember the fiasco around our engagement?"

"Uh, no I don't. Care to enlighten me?"

"Ooooops, yeah, sorry." She grinned sheepishly. "Well, when you went ring shopping, Carey Beaumont, from the Times happened to see you go into the jewelers and got curious. He started following you and I think he probably bribed a store employee for info but somehow he figured out you'd bought a ring. He was still on your tail two weeks later when you had a lunch meeting with Gina to warn her that you were going to propose and that she should be prepared to handle any press. I don't know what exactly he heard, but somehow the next morning's paper speculated that you had already popped the question and that I'd accepted. Lucky for you, I'd worked late the night before and was sleeping late enough that you saw the paper first, and fielded the first phone calls. You realized that your original plan was no longer going to work, because now you had to propose before I found out some other way. So that morning you turned off all the phones, and woke me up by bringing me coffee in bed. I thanked you and said that there was no better way to start the day. You agreed and told me that nothing would make you happier than to start every day that way for the rest of your life. Then you reached over to my cup, stirred it and lifted the spoon out. You'd slid the ring over the handle and it was resting against the wide part at the bottom. You slipped the ring off, dried it on a napkin you had tucked in the waistband of your pajama pants, got down on one knee, and told me how you'd never felt complete before me and that you couldn't imagine ever being able to live incomplete again. Then you took my hand and asked me to marry you!"

"That was pretty smooth considering it wasn't my original plan."

"Yes and even though your original plan was one of the most epic proposal ideas I've ever heard, I wouldn't change how it really happened for anything."

Rick smiled. It was easy for Kate to see how genuinely pleased he was, but then something glistened in his stare allowing a decided playfulness to take over.

"Don't keep me in suspense woman! What was the epic idea?"

"I don't know if I should tell you. The swelling in your head is finally down to normal. If I tell you, your ego might re-inflate that hard skull of yours."

"C'mon, it was my idea, you have to tell me!"

She blew out dramatically, blowing her hair out of her face. "Fine. But don't let your head swell!"

"Scout's honor!"

"You weren't a scout but I'll take it anyway. The way you intended to propose was by flying us to the Line Islands in the Pacific for a vacation. These islands are pretty much the first inhabited place on earth after the International Time Zone. You'd arranged to have a boat take us just a little east of the islands, late at night, and then propose at midnight. That way, our engagement would quite possibly be the first thing to happen on earth that particular day."

"Oh my god, that is epic! And I put your ring in coffee instead?"

"You did and I drink coffee every day and think of it. So don't beat yourself up. Besides, two weeks later we took the trip and you proposed again and I accepted, again. That's an offer I would accept every day!"

"Good, cuz if I don't get my memory back, I may have to ask again."

Kate wasn't sure what to say. She knew Rick seemed to be doing well with the revelation that he was a married man, but hearing him say he would propose all over just warmed her with the knowledge that maybe it would all be OK after all.

"Anyway" he said, breaking her from her thoughts, "back to our big news. I get why you don't want it to be a media circus, but I think we should tell our family and close friends. I want to tell Alexis and Mother. And I think your Dad seems like the kinda guy who's just itching to be a grandpa."

"I know, and we will, soon. But I haven't even been to a doctor. I don't know how far along I am or anything. And you don't remember how our little "family" networks. If we tell one, we tell them all. Especially for something like this. They'll be discreet publicly, but among themselves, they can't be trusted. Since the wedding, Martha and my dad have become friends and have coffee once a week, and though they deny it, I know their children are a favorite topic. Then there's Lex and Lanie. They work together a couple days a week and I know the gossip mill has started over an autopsy on more than one occasion.

Like before we started trying to get pregnant last year, I got the flu. I was exhausted and sick to my stomach. Alexis was the only one home, since you were away, and she doted on me. Two days into it, Lanie came over with Sprite, ginger snaps, and a pregnancy test. They didn't think I saw the looks they shared, but I knew! I refused to humor them by taking the test, and when I went back to work, both Ryan and Espo were watching me like I was going to spontaneously combust. I tried to ignore it, but then at a crime scene, Ryan wouldn't let me climb into a dumpster, you know "just in case". I asked him "in case of what?" He squirmed and said that Javi thought maybe I had some news to share. Javier then placed blame on Lanie, who let it slip that she thought I may be expecting and was afraid I'd overdo it. For the next day and a half I had four mother hens on my case until I broke down and took the test, then showed it to Lanie, just to shut them all up!

I just need some more time to get myself together. Right now, let just keep this between us and enjoy it. Isn't that OK?"

Rick was crestfallen, but he understood his wife's point. Hopefully they wouldn't have to wait too long though, because he was going to be a dad again and that made him truly excited.

XXXXXXXXXX

Time continued to pass until Rick had been in the hospital for eighteen days, having undergone six operations, countless tests, procedures and scans. He would have been released a little sooner, but they had to go back in and reset his leg after some complications. When the final day rolled around, Rick was like a child preparing to leave for Disney World.

"Mother knows we'll be home before lunch right? She promised to order sushi from Dragon Palace," Rick asked.

Kate nodded as Alexis answered. "I already texted her your order."

"And you rented a van right? I can't get this leg into any of the cars."

Kate stopped packing Rick's things and turned to face him. "We rented a limo shuttle from Raymond that has wheel chair accessibility. It's even got tinted windows and heated leather seats. You'll be comfortable and discreet."

"And the prescriptions?"

"Lisa already sent them to Walgreen's. We'll grab them on the way out."

"Have the home health nurses been arranged too?"

"Rick, trust me. Everything is settled. We're just waiting for ortho to sign your release papers and we're out of here!"

"Great. I can't wait to get home. I feel like I haven't been there in... forever."

"Remember Dad, don't expect it to look like you remember. Gram and I have moved out, and you and Kate redecorated before the wedding."

"I know, you emailed me the pics remember? But I still know it will be good to get home."

Just then, Nurse Lisa appeared with a handful of papers. "Good news Castle family. Dr. Whitcolm just went over your latest x-rays and you're good to go! Now I just need to go over all your instructions and we can take you downstairs!"

The three family members cheered.

"And on behalf of all the nurses, thank you soooo much for the fruit and muffin baskets you guys sent up. It was a pleasure caring for you."

"No thank you. They were just a small token of our gratitude. You and the rest of the staff have been superb." Castle responded sincerely.

Lisa pshawed away the compliments, but the rosy blush of her cheeks spoke volumes to how much she was actually affected by the kind words.

Ten minutes later the nurse left to file the papers and Alexis left laden with flowers, balloons and various other get well gifts that needed to go home.

Kate smiled at Rick. "Well now that it's official, maybe we should get you dressed."

"Probably."

She went to the closet and fetched a bag she'd brought with her that morning."I had your tailor whip up a few things for you. I know that you'll be casted, wrapped and have the arm in a sling for a while so he made some alterations to some shirts, pants and shorts for you." Kate pulled out a blue short sleeved shirt, a pair of cargo shorts and some boxers.

Rick perused the garments briefly but looked skeptical.

Kate noticed and flashed him a brilliant grin. "These may look like your standard articles of clothing, but let me assure you, they are now much more." She tossed the boxers in his lap. "Extra stretchy to allow for the girth of your cast." She draped the shorts over her elbow and lifted the shirt for inspection. "The left side has been carefully taken out so that the shirt buttons over your sling until you can raise your shoulder." After dropping the shirt on top of the underwear she showed off the khaki colored shorts. "And last but not least, shorts with hidden snap sides." To prove her point, she lifted an outside seam and pulled so the material separated.

"Those are pretty cool. Imagine how much fun we could have with them once I'm healed."

"Well cool your jets there, Romeo. I'm not going to be ripping your pants off any time soon. You've got a long way to go before that's an option. But, if you promise to be good, I can help you put them on right now."

"You're no fun at all."

"Nope! Now are you ready to do this?" Kate raised her eyebrow in a way that was both flirty and dangerous.

"Give me my shorts."

"Why? What are you going to do with them?"

"I'm going to put them on!"

"Really. And how are you planning to do that without using half of your body?"

"I can dress myself!"

"Mmmmmmmmmhmmmmmm."

"I can."

"You're gonna hurt yourself and still not be dressed. Just let me help."

"No." Rick was adamant.

"It's not like you've got anything I haven't seen before."

Then Kate saw it. He looked away but just for a moment. He was shy. Richard Castle, her _husband_ and resident exhibitionist, was embarrassed!

"Please don't be embarrassed. There's no shame in needing some extra help. And you've never been shy about being naked around me."

"I, uh," he cleared his throat, "I know. I just... It feels..."

Kate's heart melted a little with sympathy. This was so out of character for the man she knew, that she had to throw him a bone.

"You know, I kinda understand. The first time you saw me naked, we weren't dating and it was far from anything romantic."

Rick was obviously intrigued so she continued.

"We were working a case that got personal. I had a "fan" who literally had a few bullets with my name on them. But we got him and everyone relaxed. That is, everyone but you. Some of the details just didn't sit right with you, but it took a little time before the pieces came together. When you figured out that we had the wrong guy, you knew I was in danger and raced to my place, calling me the entire way. Unfortunately I was in the shower, and didn't hear the call until it was almost too late."

"What happened?"

"My apartment blew up."

Rick's jaw dropped.

"But thanks to your last minute warning, I was was able to dive into my giant claw foot tub with only a second to spare. When you found me, everything was on fire and I was still hiding, completely nude because the towel that I had been wearing was a flaming pile of terry cloth on the floor. You promised not to look and then gave me your coat to wear out, but a couple years later you admitted to peeking, claiming it wasn't something you'd be forgetting any time soon."

"I've forgotten."

Kate shrugged sympathetically.

Rick's eyes roamed over her body. "Maybe you should remind me."

She swung her head back and forth slowly. "No."

"I think it's only fair."

"We are in a hospital."

"Yup! I bet there's naked people everywhere."

"I'm not undressing for you here."

Rick's smile broke through his forced seriousness. "When we get home?"

"We'll see."

He sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "You're still going to insist on dressing me aren't you?"

"Would you rather I called a nurse in?"

"No. I'd rather dress myself."

"But that's not going to happen, so please, let me help."

Rick agreed on a sigh and soon Kate was slowly, carefully, pulling the clothes up over his body. As she bent over him, buttoning his shirt, he lifted his right hand to capture a long wavy lock of her hair. He let the silky strands run through his fingers like water before moving to touch her cheek.

Kate looked up into his eyes, her hazel ones glowing with love.

"I would give anything to get back the time I've lost," Rick whispered.

"I know. I would too."

Rick loved how Kate's eyes darted to his mouth. It sent his heart racing as he anticipated the kiss that he knew was only a breath away. He tipped his mouth toward her and then guided her down to him. She tasted sweet like strawberry jam.

The kiss was short but still rocked him to the core. His pulse raced, his head swam. He felt a little faint.

A small chuckle erupted from deep within his chest.

"Do I fall down a lot when we kiss?"

Kate pulled back and laughed.

"No. Why?"

"Because you sweep me off my feet."

Laughter rang out through the room.

"That's terrible Hon. You haven't used lines like that on me in forever."

"Hon? Hmmm I like that. Do you have other names for me?"

"Uh, Babe, Dear, Sweetheart, sometimes if the situation warrants it, Ricky or Kitten."

"Kitten? Not that. Meredith called me that. Don't ever call me Kitten."

"Oh, I know she did!"

"Kate, seriously."

"Oh, I am serious... Kitten!"

"Katherine!"

A knock on the door cut off the playful argument.

Alexis' voice drifted in through the curtain. "Is it safe for me to come in?"

"Yeah," they answered in unison, regaining their composure.

Her copper head appeared before she pulled back the cloth barricade. "Van's here. Ready to go?"

Were they ever! After two and a half weeks the Castle family finally left the hospital and head back home, to where they hoped they would eventually feel normal again.

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**A/N: Hello all! We survived and made it to season 5, and whoa, what a season it's going to be!**

**Not much to say today except that most likely I will be posting Friday's chapter late Thursday night since I won't be at my computer Friday. It's currently waiting for final Beta, so I expect to have it up sometime after 8pm CST!**

**As always thank you so much for all the feedback. It means so much!**

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Rick held his breath as Kate reached for the door knob. Even though it had been less than three weeks since he'd been home last, the memory loss made it feel like a lifetime. Alexis had emailed pictures and videos to him at the hospital, which he'd looked at on an awesome device Kate called an ipad, but it didn't feel real. Now those pictures would come to life the moment his daughter pushed his wheelchair through the door. Everything he remembered about "home" would suddenly change. He was conflicted by the nervous excitement he felt bubbling in his stomach.

"Welcome home," Kate cooed as she swung open the door for his arrival.

Alexis pushed him slowly into the living room. Not much had changed there overall. The piano had been moved in, the couches were new, the giant TV hanging on the wall was certainly an upgrade and there were decidedly more feminine touches, but it still felt familiar.

The kitchen and dining room were completely different now, taking on a more zen tone, with cool natural colors, raw wood and stone elements, bamboo, and small waterfall wall separating the two rooms. It was homey and relaxing, yet chic and modern; he liked them. The tables and counters were filled with all the bouquets he'd received as well, adding bright splashes of color that played beautifully against the earthy colors and materials that made up much of the space.

Rick sighed with relief. He hadn't wanted to admit it, but he'd feared that the loft would no longer feel like home; that he'd feel like a stranger in his own private abode. Yes, things were different but so far it was OK. He'd get used to it, he was sure.

"What do you think?" Kate asked nervously. Apparently he wasn't the only one with concerns.

"I like it."

She didn't look convinced, so Rick consciously brightened his smile as he looked around. Then he saw his office.

He could feel both women watching him intently. Without asking, Alexis pushed him past the walls of books and into the spacious study. It was so different; so... big.

"It was your idea." Kate offered quietly, somehow answering a question that had only just entered his mind.

"It's.. uh, nice."

"You hate it."

"No!" Rick defended as he took in every detail. "No, its just different."

While looking around, he briefly tried to recall if there had been any pictures of the study in the emails he's looked through earlier, and realized there had been, but at the angles the photos had been taken he hadn't realized just how many changes had been made.

The office had now more than doubled in size. His bedroom was no longer a part of his sacred domain. Now it was an office for two. Two desks, two chairs, two computers, and a shared sitting area housing a love seat and coffee table now resided in _his_ space. His stomach dropped a bit. It just felt wrong.

"My idea huh?" Rick asked in a way that he hoped sounded much lighter than he felt.

"It was your wedding present to me. During the engagement we redecorated together, but then you surprised me with this."

Rick continued to look around. He didn't hate it, but for some reason it felt like an invasion of his privacy. He reminded himself that it wasn't though. Things had changed. This wasn't _his_ house anymore. It was _theirs_. She had as much right to this space as he did. Although he thought, neither Meredith or Gina had ever taken over like this.

Something on the end table next to the love seat caught his eye. It was a photo. It was their wedding photo.

Rick pointed toward it and asked Alexis for a little help. She pushed him over so that he could reach it. Kate still stood nervously in the doorway.

With his good hand, Rick picked up the heavy pewter frame and studied the picture. They looked so happy. In the image, Rick was dipping Kate back over his arm. Their smiles lit up their entire faces. But what really got him was the shared look of complete rapture. You couldn't help but feel the intensity of the love they shared. It stirred something deep within him. He looked up to his wife who was desperately chewing on her bottom lip. His stomach flip flopped and his heart swelled. No, his previous wives had never taken over his life or his space like this, but he was confident they'd never taken over his heart like Kate had either.

Another quick look around the room again and Rick realized his perspective had already changed. He was shocked by the lack of _his_ space but he didn't miss it. This was _theirs,_ and he could appreciate that.

"Kate you can stop worrying. I was surprised, but I really do like it."

"You're sure."

"Would I lie to you?"

His wife visibly relaxed. Good. This was her home now too. Hell, it had been her home for years and he'd hate for her to be uncomfortable now. Yes, things had changed, but the changes were not bad ones.

Kate approached him and held out her hand.

Nope, this change was anything but bad.

Rick took her hand and squeezed it. "Just one question."

"Shoot!"

"Where's my, er, _our_ room?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Martha arrived as Kate was pushing Rick out of the office.

"Darling! It's so good to see you home again!" Martha elated as she maneuvered about six grocery bags and three carry out bags into the kitchen.

"It's good to be home!

"Alexis Dear, will you help me put these away. I just thought I'd stock up on a few of Kate and your father's favorites to welcome them home."

Before Kate and Rick made it to the hallway, the pair in the kitchen were putting away gourmet coffees and cheese, wine, pasta, a cheesecake, steaks and chops wrapped in butcher paper, and enough ice cream to feed a small army.

"Let me show you our room before we eat, okay?" Kate said softly.

He nodded and was wheeled down the hall to what he remembered as the music room.

Kate pushed him into their suite and gave him the tour. "You turned the alcove into a huge walk in closet here, and broke through this wall so that it goes into the master bath, just like it used to but from the other side now." Kate moved an ornate screen revealing a treadmill and exercise bike near the bathroom, drew back the curtains, and then pointed him at their bed.

"So this is where the magic happens, huh?" He asked with a devilish grin.

"Some of it. We've never been a couple that kept it strictly to the bedroom."

"Good to know."

Silence fell over them as they both stared at the bed, occupied in their own thoughts.

"Lunch is ready!" Martha's voice called.

"Hungry?" Rick asked.

Kate turned and look at him with such an intensity that he felt the heat of the look on his skin. "Starved."

He may not know his wife well, but he knew that at that moment she wasn't talking about food.

XXXXXXXXXX

By eight thirty that night, Kate and Rick were both asleep on the L shaped couch in the living room.

Martha tapped Kate lightly on the shoulder, rousing her from her nap.

"Kate Darling, you two are exhausted and should probably go to bed. I'm heading home, but first, do you need any help moving Richard or anything?"

Kate sat up slowly, surprised by her level of exhaustion.

"Um no Martha, but thank you."

The older woman watched the younger one thoughtfully before nodding. "Very well. Just so you know I started the dishwasher and put the leftovers in the freezer. Dr. Parish called about a half an hour ago just checking on you guys, and Alexis said she'd be back tomorrow after finishing at the morgue and she'd take care of dinner."

Kate stood up and followed her mother in law to the door.

"Thank you so much. I really appreciate everything you've done."

"Don't think anything of it, my girl. I've done nothing significant."

"Yes you have. You've kept everything going while I've been at the hospital, and we really appreciate it."

"I'm just glad my son has you by his side. I truly believe it's you that's pulling him through. You have always had that affect on him."

"He's a fighter."

"You bring that out in him."

Kate understood and smiled softly before her lip trembled. "Times like this, I'm glad. He came so close to..."

Martha's hug cut her off before she finished the sentence. "Shhhhhh. He's home now. Don't upset yourself over things that never happened. Focus on what you have, not on what you never lost."

An emotional chuckle escaped from Kate. "You're right Martha. As usual."

"Do you think that when you're helping my son remember the past, you could remind him of that fact as well?"

"I'll see what I can do."

"Have you thought about what it's going to be like if his memory never comes back?"

"I try not to. I want to believe the doctors when they say not to give up hope. But if it doesn't, we'll get through it."

"I know you will. It won't be easy, but you've gotten through worse."

Absently, Kate brought her hand to her stomach while she wondered exactly what their future would hold.

"Last chance. Are you sure you don't need any more help tonight?"

"I'm good, I swear."

"Well then, the car is waiting, I shall leave you alone. Don't hesitate to call!"

"I won't. Goodnight!"

XXXXXXXXXX

After Martha departed, Kate locked the door and wandered back to the couch where her husband slept. The pain killers he was on kept him groggy most of the day so when he did doze off he was knocked out.

Kate's gaze swept over Rick from the top of his shaved head to the tips on his purple toes. The first day Rick's cranial bandages came off, she was more shocked by his nearly bald head than the scars. Now enough time had passed that his dark, thick hair was slowly returning, giving him a military style crew cut. Alexis had dubbed him Private Ryan and so far the nickname had stuck.

As his chest rose and fell with each snore-punctuated breath, Rick used his good hand to cradle the sling encased arm against his stomach.

Her eyes continued their journey lower over his rumbled cargo shorts to the thick cast covering Rick's right leg from mid thigh to his toes. In the time spent at the hospital he'd had three surgeries to repair the damage and now was the proud owner of two metal plates and a multitude of screws. His other leg was covered in bruises and scabs but looked remarkably healthy in comparison.

Kate pondered waking him. Despite all the injuries, Rick looked comfortable where he slept, but wouldn't he be more comfortable in bed?

As she stared at him, his clear blue eyes blinked open.

Rick yawned then mumbled, "Do you know what it does to a man's ego when he wakes up to find a beautiful woman staring at him like that?"

"I can only imagine. But as sexy as you are, I was actually just wondering if I should wake you up or not."

"Wonder no longer. I'm awake now, so you may have your wicked way with me."

"Not tonight Casanova. Tonight you need to sleep. And frankly so do I."

"If you insist." Despite his playful disappointment, Kate could see the complete exhaustion etched into Rick's face and knew that he wouldn't have been up for anything even if she had been.

Kate grabbed the wheelchair and brought it to Rick's side. "Let's get you to bed."

"There you go again teasing me so!"

"Oh you haven't seen anything yet, Honey. When I want to tease you, I promise you'll know it."

Rick growled. "And Kate Beckett, I do believe I will enjoy every minute of it!"

She fixed her gazed directly on him. "It's Castle. Kate Castle."

"Right. I'm sorry. I know that. It just slipped out."

She nodded and then silently dismissed the conversation, choosing instead to completely switch gears. "OK, so are you ready to do this?"

Carefully, Kate helped Rick move to the wheelchair and then pushed him to their room. After helping him in the bathroom, and giving him his medication, she wheeled him back to the bed and helped him sit on the edge. After attempting to get several pajamas over the casts and failing, Rick declared that he liked sleeping in his boxers anyway and slumped back on the pillows exhausted and sore.

Once Rick was settled, Kate began her evening routine.

Rick watched with fascination as she stood at the bathroom sink and brushed her teeth, washed her face and brushed her long hair.

She felt his eyes on her as she padded across the room and pulled some pajamas from her drawer. As she tugged her t-shirt off and stepped out of her shorts, the scrutiny became too much to ignore and she turned to Rick.

Even in the dim light of the room Kate recognized the dark, smokey look in his eyes and knew exactly what her innocent actions were doing to him. It made her feel like she was flaunting something in his face that he couldn't have. She looked down at herself, wearing only her panties and bra, and considered heading to the bathroom to finish dressing, but that seemed wrong too. They were husband and wife. They'd been together for years. She wasn't doing anything wrong by changing in the room with him. It wasn't the first time he'd seen her, even if it felt like that to him. Kate knew that if she finished dressing in the bathroom at this point, he'd feel guilty for staring or would worry that he'd offended her. She didn't want that. Instead she stayed where she was and just turned her back to her husband.

As she slipped out of her bra, she could hear the change in Rick's breathing. She could feel the heat of his stare of the flesh of her back.

Hurriedly, she pulled on cotton shorts and shimmied into her camisole before turning back to face Rick. An entire conversation passed between the couple without a single word being said. Both recognized the situation for what it was and commiserated on how it affected them, but neither of them were in a place that allowed them to act on it.

When the heat faded and breathing resumed normalcy Kate finally dared to move. "Do you need anything else? Water? Another blanket? More pillows?"

"You." The lone word came out deep and gravelly.

"Rick..." Kate breathed apologetically.

"No, that's not what I meant. Well... sort of, but not really. The only thing I need now is you to come here."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I promise to be a gentleman. Nothing will happen."

"No, I know. But I still don't think its a good idea. I was planning to sleep on the couch until you were feeling better. I don't want to knock into you or anything."

"Please don't. I'm sure I'll be fine. Our bed is huge."

"I don't know, Babe."

"How long have we been married?"

"A year and a half."

"And I cannot remember sharing a bed with my wife even one time. Please change that."

That did it. Kate's resolve melted. In only seconds, she was crawling into bed beside Rick. It felt so good. So normal. So right.

Before laying back on the pillows, Kate propped herself up on an elbow so that she could kiss him goodnight. It was slow and sweet, but intentionally chaste.

After clicking off the lamp on her night stand Kate laid back on her pillows. Before her eyes closed, Rick's large warm hand found her smaller, cooler one. He squeezed her fingers gently but never let go.

"Thank you." He whispered.

Kate's soft reply came on a breath as she drifted into a contented sleep. "Always."

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**A/N: Like I mentioned in my last chapter, I'm posting Friday's edition tonight due to my hectic schedule tomorrow. This should not effect future chapters. So look for another one Monday morning!**

**Have a great weekend, and thanks for reading (and responding)!**

**DeBo81**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Pain radiated through Rick's entire body. His leg, his chest, his arm, and his head all throbbed in time with his pulse. At first he closed his eyes tighter, hoping to shut out the mind numbing discomfort. But after several minutes he gave up and opened his eyes.

Bright sunlight poured into the room from his right, forcing him to slowly turn his head left, directly into a mass of Kate's hair.

For a moment, the scent of cherries dulled every ache plaguing his body, because for that brief second there was only him and her. Everything else faded away.

But then she rolled away and the pain returned.

"Kate." Rick called pathetically.

"Hmmm?"

"Kate, wake up."

Instantly Kate sat up fully alert.

"I need my pain meds. We slept through at least one, maybe two, doses."

"Oh my god, Baby! I'm sorry!"

She flung back the blankets and lunged out of bed only to come to an abrupt stop.

He watched in amazement as Kate's face paled to a deathly white before fading into a sickly green. She slapped her hands to her mouth and practically flew into the bathroom.

Rick forgot about himself, all of his concern now centered on his wife, as he helplessly listened to her wretch.

Morning sickness. He wondered if she'd had any yet and was just hiding it, or if she'd just been lucky enough to avoid it so far. Either way, right now, she was facing it head on.

After the second flush, Rick called to her. "Are you OK?"

A weak sounding "Yeah" drifted back to him only to be followed by more gagging.

Rick gingerly tested his limbs, hoping that somehow he could make it to her side, even if it was just to offer her a glass of water or to hold back her hair. Unfortunately, even wiggling his toes sent waves of pain through him that were intense enough to make him dizzy.

Laying back on the pillows, he waited, because there wasn't anything else for him to do.

Several long minutes later Kate appeared again, her hair tied back in a knot, her face now completely flushed, but carrying three different bottles of pills and a cup of water.

"I'm sorry. I've had a little nausea once or twice, but I've never experienced anything like that."

"I doubt it will be the last time. And maybe that's good. I hear morning sickness is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy."

"Sounds like an old wives tale."

"Maybe, maybe not. How ya doin now?"

"Here." Kate handed him the antibiotics and pain pills. "I'm OK, I think. The real question is, how are you doing? I can't believe I didn't wake up. I thought my alarm was set."

"I hurt, but these will help." He quickly swallowed the medication. "The alarm was on your phone right? I bet you left it out by the couch."

Kate shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Crap. You're right. I guess I was more tired than I realized."

"Don't worry about it." Rick raised his good hand and rested it on Kate's stomach. When she didn't pull away, he lowered it to her abdomen where their child was growing.

Kate covered his hand with her's. "I still can't believe I'm going to have a baby."

He chuckled. "At least you knew we were trying!"

"Oh trust me. You were well aware too, and used every excuse you could come up with, to try. Even if the timing wasn't right, you assured me the practice wouldn't hurt."

"Sounds like something I'd say."

Kate grew serious. "Rick, I am sure you'll get your memory back soon, but just in case you don't, I just want you to know, I'll do everything I can to fill in those blanks for you."

"I know, and you're already doing a great job."

Kate kissed Rick's head, then his cheek and then his lips. "I'll be right back."

She was gone before he could answer and back soon afterward, with a DVD in hand.

"Oooh, what's that?"

"Our wedding."

Rick's face took on an odd expression.

"Don't look so concerned, it's done now. Too late for cold feet."

"No, that's not it. I'm actually kinda excited."

"I'm glad. Now here's the remote in case you need to pause and ask me questions. But first, do you need anything?"

"Can you help me sit up more?"

Once Rick was sitting against the head board, Kate pulled the drapes so that the room was dark before crawling back in bed and carefully snuggling into his side. He wrapped his arm around her, tucking her close so that she rested her head against his bare chest.

The couple watched silently as the screen showed the opening scene. Fluffy white snowflakes silently fell from a dark sky as the camera panned out and then around. A modest sized log cabin came into the frame, glowing from the white lights and candles that flickered in every window and along a freshly shoveled path.

Beautiful string music began to play as the words "Katherine Audrey Beckett & Richard Edgar Castle December 7, 2013" rose and faded in one corner of the screen.

Rick hit the pause button. "Katherine Audrey, I like that. It fits you. But I have to ask, are you named after the two famous Hepburns?"

"Thanks but no. I was named after my grandmothers."

"If the baby is a girl do you think we should name her after her grandmothers?"

"I love my mom and Martha, but no. Johanna Martha Castle just, uhhhh no. It sounds like its for a grandmother."

Rick chuckled. "How about Gladys Guinevere?"

Kate turned her face to her husband with a raised eyebrow.

"Matilda Harriet?" He tried again.

"No I like that better as a boy's name," she delivered straight faced.

Rick's laughter rang out loudly through the room, lifting her spirits higher than they already were.

"You let me know when you have a serious suggestion and we'll talk."

"So Matilda is a no?"

"Most definitely. Now are we going to watch this DVD or not?"

"Yes, but one more question. I don't recognize the cabin. Should I?"

"It's my dad's place up in the Adirondacks."

"It's beautiful."

"It is. And after some touch ups, it was absolutely perfect. It's always been a pretty cabin, but its not new by any means and needed some work. My grandpa built it back in the fifties with his brother. And aside from basic maintenance it was exactly the same. So when we decided to have the wedding there, we had the floors redone, the windows replaced, changed some of the lighting, both bathrooms remodeled and updated the kitchen. Now its just as beautiful as before, but with a little more convenience and certainly more energy efficient."

Kate could feel Rick nodding. "Did you always dream of having your wedding there?"

"No. When we got engaged, we knew we didn't want to wait forever to get married and most of the big trendy places we looked at first were booked more than a year in advance. Plus, I'm a much more private person than you. I really just wanted to share our wedding day with our closest family and friends, not the media and every business acquaintance we had too. So we compromised. We had a small intimate wedding at the cabin and a huge reception a month later at the Central Park Boathouse, which we were able to snag after another couple called off their wedding."

"That works."

Rick's brief reply left Kate wondering if he really was happy with how it went or not. Either way he pushed the remote's play button and she snuggled back into him to watch.

When the video resumed, the camera moved from outside to inside, panning around the main rooms where the ceremony would take place. Front and center was the large river rock fireplace, glowing warmly. On the mantle, a half dozen white candles of various heights flickered and danced. Thirty wooden chairs faced the hearth with an aisle down the center and more tall, white, pillar candles lined the aisle.

As the camera turned right, it tilted upward to the loft where a pianist and a string quartet played softly for the guests as they would arrive. Strings of white lights hugged the wooden rail from the loft overlook, all the way down to where the stairs ended by the front door. More candles and lights illuminated each giant window as well, completing the room's soft glow.

When the guests arrived, Martha dressed in an elegant silver dress, and Jim, who whore a dark suit and tie, greeted them, took their coats and showed them to their seats.

Even thought they were just watching it unfold on a TV, it felt more like being welcomed home for thanksgiving, than a stuffy formal wedding. When everyone was seated, the music changed to Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze" and Rick's friend Bob, the mayor of New York City, stood up in front of the fire and nodded to someone off screen. Moments later Kevin and Javier entered from a side door and stood with the Mayor at the front of the room.

Everyone visible on the screen could be seen turning back slightly toward another door, one that Kate explained, led to the kitchen. Rick dressed in a tux, appeared for the first time, escorting his mother down the aisle to to the front row, before taking his place with the other men.

Again the camera moved, this time back up to the loft. Alexis appeared from somewhere behind the musicians, wearing a pewter colored tea length dress and clutching a small bouquet of deep purple flowers. Before the camera moved back to follow Lanie's decent down the stairs, it captured the look of fatherly love and pride Rick wore as he watched his daughter's procession.

When both Lanie and Alexis had taken their spots, the music didn't change, but grew steadily louder until Jim Beckett appeared with Kate on his arm.

Kate was wearing a custom made Jim Hjelm trumpet style, white lace, gown that featured a deep "V" neckline and a pewter sash that knotted at her side, just in front of her hip. Her hair was swept up into a loose updo. A floral, pearl and amethyst comb held an elegant french veil over her eyes.

In their bed, Rick sucked in a breath and pulled Kate tighter as he watched, completely memorized. Kate tilted her head up so that she could watch her husband and was surprised to see unshed tears glazing his eyes. Her heart swelled for him, for them.

When she looked back to the TV, the Mayor had just begun speaking. As they watched, Rick continued to hold her tight. He never paused the movie, he never loosened his grip, he never commented. He just soaked everything in.

When they got to the vows, Kate turned back again so she could watch him. To her surprise he dropped his eyes from the TV and stared intently at her as the words floated through the air.

"I, Katherine Audrey Beckett, take you Rick, to be my husband; my partner in every way. I promise to you that I will never leave you or forsake you; that my love for you will never die. I promise that no matter what life hands us, happiness or sorrow, good health or bad, prosperity or need, that I will never waver from your side. I loved you yesterday. I love you today. And I will continue to love you for every tomorrow, as long as I have breath."

Silently Kate hoped that Rick understood that the vows she'd said that day, were still true for her today. But from the intensity of his stare, she believed he did. Next it was time for his vows; and she couldn't help but wonder if he would ever again feel the way he did that night.

"I, Richard Edgar Castle, humbly take you, my extraordinary Kate, to be my beloved bride. I swear to you this day, not only before family and friends, but before the world, that I will love only you until the end of time. You are my best friend, my partner, my companion. I promise to help you and come to you for help. I promise to encourage you and seek your encouragement. I promise to work with you to build foundations and tear down walls. I promise that I will be slow to anger and quick to forgive. I promise to honor you, support you and cherish you, through both the best and worst that life has to offer. I promise to beat the odds with you every day, because that's what the love stories are all about, and there is no greater love story than ours."

The ceremony continued to play but the couple wasn't watching. Instead Rick was caressing her cheek. "How could I forget that. It was so beautiful, and so important."

"You have a head injury. It didn't just slip your mind."

"I want to feel like that again."

The confession was a double edged sword. On one hand, she understood that in many ways right now, Rick was just thrown into their relationship. He didn't chose his life right now. The person he was at this moment, didn't share their past. He hadn't fallen in love with her. She knew all this, but tried to deal with it positively, despite the inherent pain it created. On the other hand, he was seeing now what he had, what the former him had chosen. And now he wanted that for himself again. That knowledge, more than anything else gave her hope and strength for their uncertain future.

"I want you to feel that again too."

Rick tried to shift, but his broken body forbid it. Kate instinctively knew though and compensated so that they could face each other better. Just as they began to move toward each other, lips parting for what was to come, the Mayor's voice proclaimed, "By the power vested in me, by the great state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Rick, you may now kiss your lovely wife."

XXXXXXXXXX

The movie continued on while the couple slowly kissed. They tasted, touched, explored this wonderful thing that was both brand new and comfortably familiar.

The sexual heat that they'd felt on other occasions never developed this time, but the blooming buds of something greater did. Kate felt the love she held for her husband, grow. And Rick felt the warmth of something he didn't remember ever feeling before begin to blossom.

After some time, they found themselves again watching the wedding celebrations. The small room had been transformed from ceremony to reception. On one side of the room six tables had been set for a candlelit dinner, the other side of the room open for dancing. Every member of the bridal party, both parents, and several friends made toasts before and during dinner.

Then the cake was brought out. It was an elegant, octagonal creation covered in smooth white fondant, dark gray damask print ribbon and topped with fresh cut purple flowers. The camera zoomed in close to show the couple cutting the cake together and then laughing as they tried to remove the slice without dropping it. Once the decadent dessert was secured on the plate, Kate moved with lightening speed to dab a drop of the blackberry filling on the tip of Rick's nose.

He didn't miss a beat though, and pulled her close to him so that he could rub his nose against hers, spreading the sticky jam to her. The small crowd roared with laughter at the couples antics, but the camera zoomed closer to show Rick grab a napkin and gently clean his bride's face.

Both Rick and Kate were chuckling as they watched. But then Rick took a quick breath. "Wha..?"

"Hmmmmm?" Kate asked.

"Nothing. I thought I saw something, but maybe not."

"What do you think you saw?"

Rick hesitated but decided to answer. "Do you have a scar on your chest?"

Kate completely moved away now and tucked her legs under her. Then she grabbed the remote, paused the video and fully faced Rick.

It was obvious to her that he thought he'd said something wrong, so before diving into what she knew would be a very long conversation, she squeezed his hand and smiled reassuringly.

She knew he was watching her every move so instead of just telling him yes, she pulled down the front of her tank top, revealing the scarred tissue of her bullet wound. "You mean this?"

Without reservation, Rick reached out and touched the puckered flesh. "What happened?"

"I was shot. I almost died, but..." She took a deep breath, because even after all the time that had passed, sometimes it was still hard to revisit. "... you saved me."

The next three hours were spent in quiet conversation as Kate revealed what she considered was the darkest part of her life and how Rick not only helped bring resolution to the situation, but repeatedly saved her not only from physical danger, but also from herself. She told him how it ripped them apart and how it brought them back together, solidifying their relationship in such a concrete way that they'd never been apart since.

It wasn't an easy conversation to have. As hard as it was for Kate to tell, it was equally hard for Rick to hear. But now he understood so much more about himself, about her, and about them. He now knew why the life he was living now, was so much more than the life he remembered living. In the six years he'd lost, he'd changed and grown into an almost completely different man.

Sadly, he wondered, if he didn't get his memory back, would he end up being the man he was or the man he'd become?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Something had changed in Rick after their long talk. He tried not to show it, but to Kate, it blared in her

face like a blinding light. In the week that passed she'd questioned him twice, but he played it off with excuses like being sore, tired or loopy from the medication he was taking. He didn't fool her though. When she'd told him about her past concerning her mother's murder and all that went with it, including the multiple attempts on her life to cover it up, he withdrew and silently built up a wall between them.

She'd be fooling herself if she didn't admit to seeing the irony in the situation, but it was far from amusing. He wouldn't talk about whatever was bothering him, nor would he even admit that there was a problem, so she gave him what she wanted when she hid behind her own walls, time and space. There would be a time to push, but right now she hoped that maybe if he were allowed to work through the issue in his head, he'd come to terms with it and then allow her in to help.

So they lived with the elephant in the room and pretended to ignore it. A task, that due to their combined health and welfare at the moment, was easier than one might imagine. Kate's morning sickness visited every morning and exhaustion claimed her every night. Thankfully, up to this point she hadn't had to try to hide it much though, because all their visitors so far had come during the afternoons or didn't stay long, knowing that Rick was still recovering and needed his rest. And resting he did! Daily visits from the home health nurses, occupational and physical therapists left him tired and in pain, but at least he was making progress. He was growing physically stronger every day, which was a relief to both of them, especially considering there hadn't been any notable mental progress since he'd been home.

Rick was working with the physical therapist that afternoon when the phone began to ring. Not wanting to interrupt the session, Kate jogged into the office to take the call.

"Hello."

A polished yet sassy Queens accent poured over the line. "Kate, this is Paula. How are things?"

Kate hesitated for a moment. Rick's publicist rarely cared how "things" were unless they involved her somehow. This call, more than likely, had little to do with her concern over their situation, so rather than giving details, Kate simply responded with a cheerful, "Things are fine. How can I help you?"

"Can I talk to your husband?"

"He's busy with therapy right now. But if I can assist you, or take a message, I'd be happy to do so."

The publicist cut to the chase and surged forward with Kate. "Is Ricky up for visitors?"

God she hated it when Paula called him that! Kate gritted her teeth. "Why Paula, I'm surprised you called first. You normally just drop by."

An irritating chuckle reverberated in Kate's ear. "Not me honey! I know I have an open invitation. I'm asking for someone else. The Jakobson family, you know the family of the little boy Ricky saved... they wanna meet you guys and thank him in person. They didn't know how to contact you, so they called me. I was thinking this would make a great piece for the Sunday paper. I could get Marty down at the Times to bring a photographer up and..."

"Stop right there Paula. No way am I going to let you make this a media circus. We'd gladly welcome the Jakobsons, but no press, no photographers."

"Like it or not Katie, it's part of the business. This is great stuff. Rick's a hero. He saved that kid's life. God knows how long its going to be before he puts another book out. A little fluff piece like this won't hurt anyone. It'll give the kid five minutes of fame, and boost book sales. Wins all around."

"No. I'm not going to let you exploit them."

"Fine. There's no rush, I'll just call Rick when he's up to it and work things out with him."

Kate's voice quieted but grew cold and hard."You can do whatever you want but I know he'll agree with me. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way. If you want to set something up for us to meet the family, then great, go ahead, but under our conditions. If you aren't willing to play by our rules, then I'll contact the family myself and you won't be involved at all."

Paula was silent for so long that Kate wondered if she'd hung up.

"What if it's what the family wants?"

"Is that what they asked for?" Kate knew the answer but asked anyway.

"Look, I really don't see what your problem is with this. It's 100% positive press."

Paula had a point, but Kate wouldn't budge. "It's too soon."

"What do you need? A couple days? A couple weeks?"

"I can't give you a time line Paula. It's not that simple. Lets... Lets just meet the family and we can go from there. If you want to be here too and talk with Rick and the family, fine. But we're not starting this as a publicity stunt."

"Fair enough. Could I bring them up on Saturday?"

By the end of the call, all the details were squared away and Kate was actually in a great mood. She knew Rick would be excited to see that the little boy he risked his life for was OK. And she herself was actually eager to meet the family as well. She shared a common bond with them. If things had gone differently that afternoon, they could have very easily been sharing with them, the pain of loss not the joy of life.

Kate knew the pain of losing a parent, and couldn't imagine life if she'd lost her husband. But her heart went out to Mrs. Jakobson and the fear she must have felt that day when her child's life was nearly snatched away. Absently she placed a hand on her belly, over the life growing deep inside. She had yet to meet her child, to feel it, to see it on an ultrasound or hear its precious heartbeat, and yet she knew she'd do anything for her son or daughter.

As much as she hated to see Rick in pain and struggling with memory loss, she was immensely proud

of him. He did the right thing that day, and she knew if the situation arose, he'd do it again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick wheeled himself into the living room with two large gift bags on his lap. After placing them on the end table, he turned toward Kate who was busy placing hors d'oeuvres on trays.

"Nervous?" he asked.

"A little."

"Me too. I don't even know why."

"I know, right? It makes no sense. I guess I just want everything to be perfect." Kate carried one tray with cheeses and crackers and the other tray laden with fresh fruits to the coffee table before sitting down next to her husband.

"Don't..." Rick's phone ringing cut him off mid sentence. He answered it and was soon hanging up without saying anything more than "Hello", "OK" and "See ya".

"That was Paula. They've just arrived, but she wanted to let me know she can't stay. Another client has an emergency she needs to handle. But she'll bring them up."

"Ha, knowing she's leaving actually makes me feel better. I think she's half of my stress."

"It's one of her gifts."

"You were saying?"

"Oh, it was nothing. Never mind."

Before long, there was a knock on the door. Kate quickly squeezed Rick's hand before going to answer it.

When Kate opened the door, Paula was leaning heavily against the frame while talking on her phone. She paused the conversation briefly to make a quick introduction. "Kate, this is the Jakobson family, David, Becca, Naomi and Ezra. Now if you'll excuse me. I really need to run."

Paula didn't wait for any type of response and just turned back toward the elevator, with her glossy red pumps clicking down the hall as she went.

Kate apologized for the blatant rudeness of the publicist and greeted the young family waiting in the hall.

"Welcome! Come on in! We're so glad to meet you!"

The father, a tall, dark haired man who carried an adorable baby girl, smiled and led the way. The sandy haired boy followed him shyly, while tightly gripping his mother's hand.

Once everyone was inside, Kate resumed the introductions. "My name is Kate, and this," she motioned to Rick who was sitting on the couch with his leg propped up, "is my husband Rick."

Becca rushed to Rick and wrapped her arms around him. "Mr. Castle, I can't thank you enough. What you did that day..." tears choked her up. "I mean, if you hadn't risked your life, then my Ezra would probably be... He could have... We might have lost him."

Rick hugged the small woman back before trying to reassure her. "I think anyone would have done it,"

"But_ anyone_ didn't. I tried to get him but carrying the baby slowed me down. And you were the only person out of that entire crowd who even tried to help me. I will never be able to make that up to you. We owe you our son's life."

He shook his head. "You don't owe me anything. Just seeing that little Ezra here, is safe, is all the thanks I need. I'm just glad that I _was_ there to help."

David who was still holding the baby, and was now his son's hand as well, approached Rick. "Still, Mr. Castle..."

"Rick, please."

"OK, Rick, we'd still like to thank you in anyway we can. Your life has come to a stop. You have serious injuries that may affect the rest of you life, not to mention the medical expenses."

"No, no, no, no. We've been lucky in many ways. This is just a bump in the road of life. I'll heal, the bills are covered, and I'm enjoying the recovery time I get to spend with my wife. Please don't worry yourselves over any of it."

David paused for a few seconds before replying. "Becca thought that you might say that, but it doesn't stop us from wanting to do more. So she suggested that perhaps we could make a donation in your name, to the your favorite charity."

Kate had now come closer, joining the group. She and Rick shared a heartfelt smile.

"That would be wonderful David, but please don't feel like you need to," Kate answered.

"We'd like to. Just name your organization of choice."

Rick thought for a moment. After meeting with his accountant the week before, he'd learned that they supported a lot of causes, but he felt that for this, he should pick one that focused on family. "How do you feel about supporting the Widows and Orphans Fund of the NYPD?"

Becca nodded. "It would be our honor."

With that settled, Mrs. Jakobson whispered to her little boy.

"Ezra would like to thank you too."

Everyone watched the four year old for his reaction, but he just stood next to his dad, staring at his shoes.

The father knelt down and encouraged the little boy to speak, but he couldn't be coaxed into talking. So David reached into the diaper bag and pulled out a rolled up piece of blue construction paper and handed it to the child. Immediately Ezra's eyes lit up. He took the roll of paper and walked toward the couch, crawling up between his mother and Rick.

The child looked from his mom to the stranger he sat next to, then handed Rick the paper. But then in almost the same move, dove toward Rick, arms wide open, and gave him the biggest bear hug he could muster.

Rick held the gift in his weaker hand and used his good arm to hug the boy.

Only Rick heard the barely audible whisper in his ear. But the simple, nervous, "Thank you," melted him from the inside out.

"You're welcome buddy, but no more running out into the street. Right?"

Ezra pulled back so that he could sit on Becca's lap and nodded solemnly.

Then, with all the pomp and circumstance the occasion required, Rick carefully unrolled the paper, revealing a colorful picture. On one side of the page there was a boy wearing a shirt that said Ezra. On the other side of the page was a giant black truck. In the middle, was a man who was obviously Rick, wearing a green super hero cape, hands out, facing the truck, and a word bubble with two carefully drawn letters... N O.

Pride radiated from every pore as Rick showed the drawing to the rest of the group.

"Ezra, this is a very special picture. I really, REALLY like it, and would like to keep it somewhere special. Would it be OK with you if I took this picture to my designer and had her put it in a big metal frame with glass, so I could hang it in my office?

The young boy put a finger to his bottom lip as he considered the question. "Yes, dat's good, Mr. Cassole."

"Excellent, but you know what? Mr. Castle makes me sound old. I'm not old am I?"

The child shrugged.

"Do you think it would be OK with Mom and Dad if you just called me Uncle Rick? I don't have any nieces or nephews, and I've always wanted to be an uncle."

Ezra looked up into his mother's green eyes that were identical to his own.

"Sure Bubs, that's fine."

Rick positively glowed. Over the top of the child's head Rick nodded toward the gift bags on the table next to him, silently asking for parental permission. When they nodded, Rick's smile grew even bigger.

"Well then, now that that's settled, Uncle Rick and Aunt Katie have something for you and your sister. Do you like presents?"

The boy began to bounce in place. He practically hummed with anticipation.

Rick handed the boy the first bag, which was lavender, with pink and green dragonflies embossed on it. "This is for your sister. Do you think she likes presents too?"

Ezra was distracted by the Batman bag still on the table, but nodded at Rick anyway. Carefully he slipped off the couch and took the bag to his dad, who was now sitting on the chair facing the couch.

"You guys didn't have to do this!" Becca said as she watched David remove the designer stuffed polar bear and cub set from the bag.

"We know," Kate answered, "but we wanted to. Plus, we almost never get to shop for kids. It was fun! I went out armed with my iphone, and even though Rick was here, through the miracle of face time we picked them out together."

"It's lovely. Thank you so much."

Baby Naomi grabbed at the ridiculously plush toy, dragging the cub's paw to her open mouth.

Ezra returned to Rick's side and watched him expectantly, but never asked for the gift he hoped was his.

"Mr. Ezra would you like a new toy too?"

"Yes, please."

"I like your manners. You definitely deserve this, Buddy."

"Uncle" Rick retrieved the hero adorned bag and gave it to the youngster. Excitement took over and Ezra pulled the colorful tissue paper out at lightening speed, until all that was left was a giant box. Becca helped her son slide the bag off the gift, which ended with Ezra jumping up and down squealing with joy. "A Ba-mobile! A Ba-mobile! Thank you!"

Rick's excitement matched the child's. "A remote controlled Batmobile! Wanna play with it? I have one too, we can race!"

Before long, Rick, Ezra and David were all racing RC vehicles around the loft while Kate and Becca sat at the bar, sipping lemonade and talking like they'd been lifelong friends. Kate even ended up mustering the courage to ask if she could hold sweet little Naomi.

Time passed quickly without anyone noticing. Eventually the baby needed changed.

Becca took the baby from Kate and began to apologize. "I'm so sorry. I never thought we'd be here this long. I don't mean to impose but do you mind if I change her?"

"You have_ not_ been an imposition. And of course you can change her. Here, let me take you to our bathroom. There's a large counter there. You should have plenty of room."

"Thank you so much."

Kate stood in the bathroom doorway watching as Becca changed her daughter's diaper. Naomi was so small and wiggly, the whole experience kind of amazed her.

When the diaper change was done, Becca asked Kate to hold the three month old again while she washed her hands and put everything away.

Kate smiled and cooed a the infant, earning a few smiles in return.

As Becca dried her hands, she turned to Kate, "You're a natural Kate!"

"You think?"

"Definitely!"

"I don't feel like it."

"Don't worry. I don't think most first time moms feel like it."

Something about the way Becca answered, drew Kate's attention.

Becca smiled softly. "Forgive me if I'm overstepping here, but... when are you due?"

Kate's mouth dropped open and then worked silently. When she was eventually able to talk, Becca looked worried. "How did you know? We haven't told anyone."

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed. And you're not showing or anything, so don't worry about that. I can just tell. My sister calls it my sixth sense. I knew she was pregnant before she did for all three of her kids. You absolutely glow when you hold her. And let me just say, motherhood looks good on you."

Kate was still in shock. Blindly she rocked back and forth until the tiny bundle in her arms was dropping off to sleep. "I uh, don't have a due date yet. I see the doctor next week. But I think February."

"Congratulations. I know we just met, but if you ever need anything, or just need to talk, you can always call me. Pregnancy and motherhood, are the greatest blessings you'll ever experience, but they aren't easy. It's always good to have a fellow mom to commiserate."

Kate hadn't thought about it before, but she didn't have a lot of women in her life that were moms. Most of her friends hadn't taken that step yet, and with her own mother gone, that really only left Martha and a couple acquaintances. Becca's offer of friendship was exactly what she needed. "Thanks Becca, I will."

"How are you feeling so far?"

At first Kate resisted. She wasn't one to share, so habit demanded she give a vague answer. But something in the way the other woman looked at her, like she already understood, encouraged Kate to be honest.

"I have never been so exhausted in my life. I throw up almost every morning and my boobs hurt so bad that even drying off after a shower has me physically wincing. Is that normal?"

Becca chuckled kindly. "Unfortunately yes! Just wait til the "Titty Fairy" as my husband calls it, arrives. The girls will grow in leaps and bounds, just begging your husband for attention, and you'll likely be so tender that you'll have to restrain yourself from physically smacking him."

This led from one conversation to another until so much time had passed that the Jakobsons ended up staying for dinner and only left when Ezra began to fall asleep on the couch.

That night as they laid in bed, exhausted, Rick rested his hand on Kate's belly. "I never expected today to go so well. What a great family."

"I know. They're really sweet. And those kids are so stinking cute."

"Kinda makes you want a little one of your own doesn't it?"

"Lucky for us, we have one on the way."

Rick's hand caressed her abdomen until her top rode up, allowing him to graze the soft flesh above her waistband.

"Be honest. Am I showing?"

"What!? No. Why would you ask that."

"Becca guessed."

"How?"

"She said I was glowing when I held Naomi and that motherhood looks good on me."

"Well she's right. I noticed that too actually. But I didn't think it was enough that other people could tell."

"But I'm not fat? Right?"

Rick turned a bit so that he could look at Kate through the darkness. Even though there wasn't much light, he knew she could see the honesty in his face. "First of all, no, your body hasn't visibly changed. Second, even when it does, you will still be gorgeous, and I'll still be very, very attracted to you. In fact I can't wait to see your belly swollen with our child. You'll probably even be more beautiful if that's possible."

"You have a way with words Mr. Castle."

"That's the rumor."

Rick kissed Kate lightly, which she happily returned.

Cautiously he let his hand trail from her cheek, to her neck, over her shoulder to graze the side of her breast. He didn't miss her flinch.

"I'm sorry," he said as he removed his hand.

Kate took his hand and returned it to her chest. "Don't be. I'm just... tender."

"I know you are, that's why I shouldn't have touched you."

"But it's OK. I'll be fine."

"Yeah, but it might lead to something more, and right now, neither of us could really enjoy it to the fullest. I don't want our first time, er, my first time, or whatever it is, to be flawed by one or both of us being in pain. As much as I'd love to... dive into this with you. I think I'd like to wait longer. Do you mind?"

"No, not really. I understand and I agree. But maybe we could be together before I'm the size of a whale?"

"Oh trust me, I don't have _that_ much patience."

"Good, because I miss you."

Rick couldn't help but wonder if she meant that she missed him physically or the him he'd forgotten. Either way, it broke his heart a little. "I know you do. I'm sorry."

Kate snuggled against him and relaxed. "Shhhhhhh, you have nothing to be sorry about. Now lets get some rest."

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**A/N: Just wanted to take a moment to thank you guys for the fantastic feedback. At the beginning, many people mentioned this being "another Castle amnesia" fic. I wasn't aware that there were more than one or two out there, so I became VERY nervous that this story would just flop. Thank you so much for giving me such a warm response. It's very encouraging.**

**Happy reading!**

**Deo81**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Wednesday afternoon, Kate came home from shopping, exhausted and crabby. The stores had been crowded and the summer heat left everyone on edge. Right now, she just wanted to soak in the tub and let the jets work their magic on her tired body.

Fumbling with her keys while clutching her half dozen bags and balancing a package that had been delivered, didn't do anything for her mood, so when she dropped them on the hardwood floor she let her frustration out with a muttered oath.

After retrieving the keys and finally sliding the needed one into the lock, the door flew open unexpectedly.

"Oh my god, Baby! What are you doing?"

Rick stood in the open doorway, balancing precariously on a pair of crutches while grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Practicing!"

"Are you supposed to be doing that?" Kate asked as she dropped everything and rushed to her husband's side. Only then did she see Erik, the occupational therapist, hovering near by.

"Yes, in moderation, but not alone yet," the OT answered.

Rick showed off his newly acquired skills as he slowly hobbled in a circle. "Not bad huh? It feels good to stand again!"

"That's great! How's your leg feel?"

"Bout the same."

"What about your shoulder?"

"It's weak, and a bit sore, but not awful."

Kate quickly kissed Rick on the mouth, not at all shy that they weren't alone. Her weariness had melted away into excitement for her spouse's progress.

When Kate stepped back to pick up her forgotten packages, Erik returned to Rick's side. "I think that's probably enough for right now Rick. It's still your first day up. If you want to be up again tomorrow you're going to want to rest now. If you want to try this again later, just make sure someone is with you."

Rick and Erik finished the session while Kate put the groceries and other purchases away. By the time she'd returned to the living room, Erik was gone and Rick was opening a bottle of Advil.

She brought him a glass of water when she joined him on the couch. "Don't push yourself too hard. Take the time you need to heal."

"I am. I just need to..." Rick let his sentence drift off. Kate noticed he did that more since the accident. She didn't know if it had anything to do with the memory loss or perhaps uncertainty in how to talk to her, but usually she was still able to finish his sentences anyway.

"Return to some normalcy?" she supplied.

"That, and I just need to not feel so helpless. You've been doing so much and I know you're exhausted too. I want to help."

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Nothing a good nap won't cure."

Rick didn't argue, but pulled Kate in under his arm, curling her to his side. "I could use one of those myself."

Her eyes were already closing as she nodded in agreement. Before falling asleep, she mentally noted that if she was going to continue being so tired, at least she had the perk of getting to nap in her husband's arms whenever she wanted.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next morning Rick was out of bed before Kate for the first time since before the accident. When she rolled over and found his side of the bed empty, she was startled into full consciousness, immediately roaming the room with her eyes, looking for him.

A moment later, he fumbled into the room from their shared closet, dressed and looking ready to start the day.

"Going somewhere?"

He grinned from ear to ear. "In fact, I am. I didn't know how long it would take me to get ready though, so now I'm early!"

"Where?"

"To the doctor."

Kate quickly raced through her mental calendar trying to remember which appointment he had that day. He'd been to the ortho earlier in the week and neurologist the Friday before. She couldn't remember any more pulmonologist appointments either so she was stumped.

Rick saw her confusion and clarified. "With you. Isn't this morning our first obstetrician appointment?"

"Uh. Yeah. At eleven. Wait, our appointment? You're planning on going with me to my gynecologist?"

He hesitated and then his face fell. He was still so unsure of the woman he was married to. Maybe he'd overstepped. "I thought you'd want me with you. Its not like its a regular exam or anything. Its our baby."

"I didn't think you'd want to go. I don't know what they're going to do and well, we haven't even been together yet since... well, you know."

"If you don't want me there, that's... fine."

"No, I..." Kate could see that even though he was trying not to intrude, he'd been looking forward to joining her.

She had to wrap her head around that. He'd been with her to an appointment before the accident when they were talking about their fertility situation, but things had been different then. He had been different; they had been different. It occurred to Kate as she thought over everything that somehow since the accident, she'd pulled away from Rick. Yes, she still loved him and enjoyed him, but the subtleties and differences between who he was now and who he had been just a couple months earlier were starting to sink in. The temporary feel had faded, leaving the stark reality that things might never be the same again. So many of their bonds had been severed; the memories, the intimacy, the cohesiveness of their relationship. She knew that much of that could be regained with time, but currently she felt as if she was missing part of herself as much as he was.

Rick was still staring at her, trying to read her.

"...I want you there." She could tell he didn't believe her. "Please, I really want you to come."

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick sat quietly on a waiting room couch next to Kate as she filled out a clipboard full of paperwork. Casually, he watched people come and go, noting their body language and a facial expressions as he made up scenarios for each one.

A young couple who Rick dubbed Jay and Tia, sat on the next couch over from him. They positively glowed as they bent toward each other, nodding and speaking in hushed tones. Rick imagined them whispering their delight over soon finding out the gender of their first child growing in her rounded belly. And perhaps suggesting names for the child.

An older woman across the room, sat primly in a straight back chair, thumbing through a copy of Women's Health, featuring breast cancer survivors. Every aspect of her body language implied that she was uncomfortable. He concluded that, Mrs. Swift, as he'd named her, had gotten troubling news from her last mammogram and had been called in for follow up tests that frightened her.

Hillary, according to the nurse who called her, sat behind Mrs. Swift and was rapidly typing on her smart phone. She wore a business casual skirt and blouse, but also tennis shoes. Rick assumed that this appointment was a routine check up, scheduled during a brief lull in her busy work day. To her, it was more of an inconvenience than anything else.

And then there was the beautiful woman next to him. Her hair was pulled back casually, she was dressed in trendy jeans and a comfortable white peasant top but she was far from relaxed. Not once did she ever stop fidgeting. She crossed one knee then the other. She pinched the bridge of her nose and bit her bottom lip between perfect white teeth. When she wasn't writing with the pen she held, she was tapping it on the clipboard balanced on her knee. When she looked up, anxiety creased her brow, but excitement lit her eyes. Today would be the day that confirmed her hopes of motherhood.

Rick reached over and took Kate's left hand in his right. He lightly squeezed her slender fingers before tilting over to plant a quick peck on the side of her head.

Her eyes met his for silent conversation. They shared their anticipation, their concerns and their joy. Today was a huge day for them. Today their journey into parenthood became real.

Rick thought back to when Meredith had become pregnant. She never included him in anything. He was never allowed to join her at her appointments, rarely permitted to pick out baby clothes or decor for the nursery, and she only begrudgingly accepted Rick's choice for a middle name after she announced that she'd picked Alexis for her first name.

This time, even though Kate in many ways was still a stranger to him, she'd agreed to his presence at the appointment, and had already bantered with him over baby names and nursery themes. He felt so much more like a father, a partner in this child's early life, instead of the sperm donor Meredith had once accused him of being. Of course that was until Alexis was born and she realized how hard being a parent was, how sacrificial and all encompassing it was. Only then, was he allowed to be the father he wanted to be.

"Katherine." A nurse called from the doorway.

Kate stood and then turned to him to offer him his crutches.

Rick felt like he needed to give her one more chance to change her mind. "You sure you want me with you?"

Her grin radiated across her entire face. "Come on, _Daddy_, the nurse is waiting."

Before actually seeing the doctor, Rick sat in a hallway chair while Kate was weighed, sent to the restroom, and then taken for blood tests in the small in-office lab. Once all the basic info and samples were collected, Kate and Rick were ushered into Dr. Jamie Carter's office where they sat next to an antique cherry wood desk.

Rick perused the diplomas, certificates and photos scattered around the room. Pointing to one picture on the desk of an attractive blonde woman hugging an older man on the top of a mountain, Rick questioned Kate. "Is that your doctor?"

"Yeah. She's great, you'll love her!"

"She looks like a kid. Is she even old enough to be practicing medicine?"

"Shhhhhh." Kate shushed him, with a quick glance back at the door. "Yeah, she's like thirty-something, I think. She'd been in the practice a couple years. The man next to her in the picture, is Dr. Carter too. He's her father. He used to be my doctor, but he's left the practice to do research. So she took over for him, and I like her as much as I liked him."

"Mmmmm OK. Well if you're satisfied. I just don't want Doogie Howser, there making newbie mistakes."

"Rick!"

"What?"

Kate didn't have to explain. She just leveled him with a look that spoke for her.

Just then, Dr. Carter breezed into the office.

"Kate, Rick! It's so good to see you again, and with great news this time!"

Kate beamed and Rick couldn't help but be swept up in her enthusiasm, which left him sporting and equally brilliant smile.

"Right now, while the lab is working on getting results, we'll go over any questions you may have, family history, and we can discuss what you'll expect. Then I'll give you a quick exam and, if you'd like, we can do an ultrasound!"

The next half hour flew by as a bevy of information passed back and forth. By the time they headed to the exam room, Kate was carrying a bag full of pamphlets, flyers, samples and prenatal prescriptions.

When Kate followed the doctor into the room, Rick hung back in the hall.

"You coming Rick?" Kate asked.

"I think I'll just sit out here during the exam. But I want to be with you during the ultrasound."

The women accepted this and closed the door to continue the appointment.

By the time the door opened again, Rick had clearly heard through the wall, as Kate explained the situation with his accident, memory loss and their current lack of intimacy. He understood why she told the doctor, but it reminded him of all that was missing in his life right now. To hear his wife tell someone that he barely knew her anymore left him feeling raw.

When Kate emerged to follow Dr. Carter to the ultrasound room, she waited for him with a smile on her face and then rubbed his back tenderly. It was like she knew the turmoil in his heart and mind and wanted to reassure him that it would all work out.

Together, they slowly made their way to the end of the hall to a dark room full of machinery. On the way, the young physician stopped at the lab window to read over the test results.

"Everything is looking good guys. All your counts are where they should be, and unless the ultrasound shows something to say otherwise, I think we're still looking at a February 8h due date."

The couple shared an excited grin.

"Well I'll leave you here with Angie now, but I'll see you next month Kate! Congratulations!"

Angie, the ultrasound tech, ushered them into the dark room. After some instructions Kate was settled on the table while Rick stood next to her rubbing her shoulder.

Rick, not wanting Kate to feel self conscious, was careful to only look at her face or the monitor, never below her shoulders, just in case. He was rewarded though for his discernment because watching her face allowed him to see her reaction the moment their baby first appeared on the screen. Kate's entire face lit up, and tears sprung to her eyes.

He followed her gaze and soon mirrored her reaction, because there on the grainy black and white screen, was their tiny baby. Head, body, arms and legs all quite distinct. The tiny arms swayed back and forth, and one leg kicked repeatedly.

"Can you feel that?" Rick whispered in awe.

"No. Should I?"

Angie chuckled pleasantly. "No probably not til four or five months, especially since this is your first."

The direction of the image moved, allowing them to see even clearer as a tiny blip flashed rapidly.

"That's your baby's heart. Nice, strong and steady."

Overwhelmed by the event, Kate took Rick's hand in her own. He could feel her trembling in his grip.

"I can't believe I'm having a baby." Kate looked up at her husband. "That's _our_ baby!"

"Its just amazing!"

Angie continued to collect information and take still shots for them to take home on disk.

"Can you tell if its a boy or a girl?" Rick inquired.

"I don't want to know!" Kate replied before Angie could answer.

"What? What do you mean you don't want to know. Of course you want to know!"

"No. I don't. I want to be surprised!"

The technician interrupted. "Well you guys have plenty of time too decide, because sex cannot be determined this early on. Most moms have another ultrasound around twenty weeks, and if baby cooperates and you want to know, we can look then."

XXXXXXXXXX

The couple rode in silence as the van drove through the city streets, each lost in their own thoughts.

The driver was separated from them by a privacy wall, allowing them the feeling of being alone.

Kate looked over at Rick who was staring out the window as they drove. She reached into her purse, grabbed a coin and handed it to him.

"What's this for?" he asked, as the penny dropped into his palm.

"Your thoughts."

Rick smirked ruefully. "Oh its nothing."

"Right, and I'm the Queen of England."

"Pleasure to meet you, your majesty!" Rick bowed slightly in his seat.

"You're a writer, not a comedian."

"Maybe I should make a career change then."

"I think you should stick with what you know. Now what's up?"

"I've just kinda been struck by the differences between the first time I became a father and now."

"Like?"

"Well I'm not as freaked out this time. That's for sure. I definitely know what to look forward to, maybe what to be prepared for too. But then again, that was twenty years ago. I was a young man. Am I going to be as good of a father this time? Will I be better? Am I going to have enough energy?"

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. We'll do it together!"

"That's another difference. Meredith never let me in on any of the pregnancy stuff. I felt like an intruder just by being concerned about my wife and child... you on the other hand, are just so refreshingly open. I really appreciate that."

Kate rubbed her hand up and down Rick's thigh. "You are my husband, my partner, my best friend, and the father of this baby. I know physically right now, it's kinda my responsibility, but in every other way this is just as much a part of you. Please feel free to ask questions or come along or whatever. I don't want to do this alone. Frankly is scares the hell out of me, and knowing that you've survived parenthood once already, is what gives me confidence. Watching you be a father to Alexis is probably what made me fall in love with you first. Getting to see you father this baby will only make that love deepen."

Rick was silent. Confusing thoughts and emotions clouded him, making him shut down a bit. He didn't want to hurt Kate though, by not responding, so he smiled and caressed her cheek.

He felt as if he needed to steer their conversation to something less, overwhelming. So he brought up the one topic that he hadn't been able to push away.

"So you really don't want to know the baby's gender?"

"I want to be surprised!"

"Can I find out and not tell you?"

"Heck no!"

"You're no fun, you know that?"

"So you've been telling me... for years! I'm willing to compromise on lots of things, but this one is important to me."

"If it's that important, I guess I can wait."

"It is."

"Fine."

"Good. Now if you quit pouting, we can stop and get ice cream. Haggerty's is in the next block and you love their triple chocolate espresso flavor."

"Can I get three scoops in a chocolate dipped waffle cone?"

"I think that's a bit much don't you? How about two scoops in a regular cone. I don't want you complaining about your stomach later."

Rick leaned over and kissed her nose. "See Kate, you have nothing to worry about. You're already a great mom!"

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**A/N: OK, so when I started this story, I told you all that I was planning to post on Mondays , Wednesdays and Fridays. And for the third week in a row, I'm completely booked on Friday, at least in the morning when I usually have time to post. So again, I'm giving you a Thursday night edition, which I sincerely hope you've enjoyed! Buuuuut I'm also a bit ahead in my editing, so I'm thinking I might be able to be bribed into posting tomorrow night as well, if time permits (No promises, though. Evenings are unpredictable). So if your Friday nights rock like mine do, and you're online, keep your eyes peeled. Chapter 10 might be headed your way.  
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**As _Always_, thank you and happy reading!**

**Deo81**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"So when are we telling people?" Rick asked Kate as they snuggled in bed that night.

She sighed deeply. It was a question she'd been asking herself all day. On one hand, she was excited to share their news with those closest to them. But on the other hand, she just wasn't ready yet. People might treat her differently. It might slip out to the public. It wouldn't be their private secret anymore. _What if something went wrong?_

Kate voiced these concerns to her husband who listened intently and then considered the issues before answering.

"Well, for one thing, it really isn't just our secret anymore. Who knows how many medical personnel know, and the Jakobsons know. I know they'll all remain quiet but, still there are people, besides us, who know."

Kate shrugged in the dark. He had a valid point.

"And will people treat you differently? Maybe yes maybe no. They won't offer you drinks, and they'll be excited to celebrate and plan with us, you might get the last seat on the subway eventually, but they aren't going to treat you with kids gloves. Eventually they're going to figure it out one way or another anyway. People _are_ going to know; our friends, our family, any stranger walking down the street." He stroked her hand. "We're excited, let's let others in on it. Then soak up the joy and support while you can get it!"

Rick made her hands itch to call her dad. Even at this late hour, only one thing held her back. "What if something goes wrong?"

"What if nothing does? You're young, you're healthy. You and the baby just got a clean bill of health. More than likely, this will go by without incident. But if something does happen, we'll need those people to help us through. Look at these last couple months? Who could have predicted all that's happened? We're making it, but not alone."

Kate turned over and buried her face in the pillow.

After a few minutes, she propped herself up on her elbows. "What do you think we should do?"

Rick absently traced circles along the small of her back. "I think, that sometime during the second trimester, maybe when you start showing, or after the next ultrasound, we should let Paula go public with it. But that over the next couple days or week, we should tell Jim and Mother and Alexis and our friends. We'll tell them to be careful not to let it out. But I want them to know. Especially Alexis."

"OK."

"OK?"

"Yes. I want them to know too. So how are we going to do it?"

More than an hour passed as they schemed and planned. Kate vetoed Rick's suggestions for skywriters, singing telegrams and 'his' and 'hers' t-shirts that said "Who's Your Daddy?" and "I am".

Rick insisted that it should be grander than emails or just casually mentioned during coffee. Kate didn't want to go over the top, but eventually they had a plan they both agreed on.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So?" Rick asked Kate as she emerged from the office.

Kate sauntered over to counter where he sat prepping a salad, and wrapped her arms around his waist. "We're good. They'll be here Sunday afternoon for lunch, and armed with memories for you."

"Do you think they suspected anything?"

"Lex and Martha didn't question me. My dad did though. He was happy to come, but he wasn't sure how much he could help. I told him that your doctor said to have all of your close family here and that included him. Anything he could think of would be fine."

Rick rested his cheek against Kate's. "I know we just made this up as a way to share the big news, but do you think there will be any chance of it helping too?"

"I don't know. We can always hope."

He swallowed deeply and caressed the length of his wife's arm that rested on his chest. "I think I'm running a little low on hope these days. If I was going to get my memory back, it should have happened by now."

"Don't go giving up on me. It's only been five weeks."

"Exactly, it's been five whole weeks... and I've got nothing, I've lost six years of my life. That's a 7th of my life. Almost a third of Alexis'. And all of ours, together."

Kate had never heard him so beat down, and it was like a punch to the gut. Rick was an eternal optimist. He was always looking for silver linings.

She put her hand over Rick's which was cutting tomatoes. His movements stilled. "Look at me."

At first, he dropped his gaze to the floor, but eventually, turned to look her in the eyes.

She flanked his rough cheeks with her soft palms. "I can only imagine how you feel. I'm sure it's like a part of your own body has been cut off. But those missing years don't define you. They aren't your life. Whether you get them back or not, cannot dictate your future. Yes, you may be missing part of your life, and that really really sucks, but don't throw away what you have. You've already made more than a month of new memories. And these new ones are just as important as the old ones. Embrace them!"

"Easier said than done."

"I don't doubt that one bit. Doesn't make it any less true."

XXXXXXXXXX

When the first knock sounded, Rick turned to Kate and grinned. "Ready?"

"I think so."

Every day Rick spent on his crutches he became faster and stronger. In no time at all he'd made it to the door.

"Jim, welcome."

The older man looked his son-in-law over from head to toe. "Good to see you up again Rick! How's it feel to be mobile again?"

"Exhausting, but in a good way, I assure you! Come in! Come in!"

The two men talked quietly as they headed into the living room. From where Kate worked on dinner in the kitchen, she couldn't hear what they said, but she still enjoyed watching the two people she loved most, enjoying each other's company. In many ways, they both now had the father/son relationship that neither had most of their lives.

The knife in Kate's hand stilled as another thought came to her. She could easily picture a third generation at their side. A dark haired little boy with dancing blue eyes, sitting between them, laughing and showing off, eager to please his father and grandfather.

Tears sprung up quickly, taking Kate by surprise. _Damn hormones!_

"Katie, you crying?" Jim called.

_Crap, he'd noticed._

"Yes, but don't worry, just these onions I'm chopping!"

Thankfully from where her father was sitting across the room, he couldn't see that she was actually slicing peppers. But just in case he should come over, she quickly dumped the bowl of already prepared onions on the cutting board as well.

"Do you need any help?"

"I'm good Dad, thanks. Can I get you something to drink?"

Jim's answer was cut off by a quick knock and then an immediate opening of the front door. Martha, who still felt very much at home, breezed in on a cloud of teal and magenta silk, while Alexis followed, lecturing her that she was actually a guest and shouldn't just waltz in.

Rick pulled himself back up to standing and greeted the ginger headed duo with open arms. The flurry of welcoming hugs and excited chitchat that followed lasted long enough for Kate to finish what she was doing and start the food cooking.

When Lex joined Kate in the kitchen, she asked what she could do to help. Kate began to wave her off, explaining that she was fine, but all of a sudden the smell of the chicken cooking with the onions, peppers and tomatoes hit her like a ton of bricks, making her sway with nausea.

Kate bit her lip for a second, fighting for composure, but the younger woman didn't seem to notice.

"Dinner is underway, but do you wanna pour some drinks? I gotta run to the bathroom and then grab something from my room."

As soon as the girl nodded, Kate dashed, as nonchalantly as possible, to the confines of the master bathroom, where she let her stomach have it's reign.

When Kate returned, she brought with her a stack of DVDs which she laid on the coffee table before returning to the kitchen. Alexis had everything under control, drinks were served, the food wasn't burning, and she was even getting ready to set the table. They continued to work side by side until dinner was served, as if it was something they did every day.

Dinner conversation for the most part was very light. Martha regaled the group with a couple humorous tales from her studio. Alexis shared about her desired class schedule for the next semester. Rick updated everyone on his progress with crutches and physical therapy. And Jim mentioned that his friend Nancy had joined him to see the latest Spielburg movie. Kate was glad to hear that her father and Nancy seemed to be spending more time together. He had been alone for far too long and after she and Rick were married, she sat down with her dad and encouraged him to date again. Her mom would have never wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone.

When dinner was done and coffee had been poured, Jim and Martha insisted on cleaning up, sending Kate off to set up all the technology for the night.

Most of the "memories" people were planning to share that night were either on DVD or computer, so Kate and Rick began setting that all up.

Once everyone was back in the living room, settled and comfortable, Kate stood next to the TV and addressed the group.

"As you guys know, Rick still hasn't been able to recover his memories. The doctor suggested that one exercise that might help, is to surround him with family and visually show him some of what he's lost. Perhaps the visual stimulus will trigger something for him."

Kate watched Rick as she spoke. He seemed to waver between excitement and anxiety. They both knew the doctor hadn't said anything of the sort, and they'd already watched their wedding tape and videos from their honeymoon vacation, but he still didn't remember anything. But this was how they decided to break the big news, so onward they went with the plan.

Alexis went first. She'd made a short video using clips from her high school years and graduation day, including her valedictorian speech and family pictures after the ceremony. Rick wrapped an arm around his daughter as they all watched and whispered back and forth.

Kate made a mental note to tell Rick what other major event happened that night, but this wasn't the time or place.

Though hesitant to contribute, Jim was next.

"I uh, don't really have anything fancy prepared. I don't have a movie or a slide show or anything. And to be honest, we probably haven't had that many memories made together, that these lovely ladies weren't part of too. But when I was thinking about what to bring, one thing stood out. Last summer Rick, you and I headed up to my cabin together for a weekend, because you wanted to learn to fish. I have to admit that at first I was a little nervous but before we'd even left the city, I grew very excited about it. The only other person I'd taught to fish, was Katie. It's a very fatherly thing to do. But I didn't know if you were looking for a buddy or a father figure and that's what gave me pause. I didn't want to, you know, be someone I wasn't. Thankfully the weekend went well, at least after I convinced you to turn off all your electronics and leave them in the cabin. So this is what I brought, your "lucky" lure, and a couple pictures my friend, Rex, took of us out on the boat.

Jim passed the items to Rick who took each one and studied it before passing it on to Kate.

Sure enough the first picture, showed Rick and Jim in matching vests and caps sitting in a small fishing boat with the sun beating down on their backs. The next picture showed Rick holding a fish, that was probably no more than eight inches long, above his head as if he'd caught Moby Dick himself.

Rick smiled at the pictures and then fingered the small lure. He couldn't remember any of this, but there was definitely a sense of familiarity he'd come to recognize in situations like these.

"So Jim, what did I end up wanting, a buddy or a father?"

"I believe what you told me as we drove home was, that Katie was a lucky woman to grow up with a dad like me, but now you were just as lucky, because I could be both father-in-law and friend."

Rick reached out and gripped the older man's hand, shaking it firmly. "Thank you for sharing that with me."

"Of course!"

"If you're up to it, I'd like to go fishing again sometime. Unfortunately you may have to remind me how to do it."

"Anytime, Son. Anytime."

When her dad was sitting again, Kate cued Martha that it was her turn.

"I think the DVD is already set up in the machine, Dear. But first, Richard, I just want to say something. I know that this hasn't been easy. That the memory loss is frustrating and frightening and probably quite overwhelming at times too. But try not to let it control you. You see, six years ago, right before the point of time that you're missing, I moved in here with you and Alexis. Perhaps it wasn't always the best arrangement, but we made it work. And I ended up staying until you and Kate were engaged.

Let me tell you something honestly and lovingly from mother to son. In those few years, I watched you grow up from being a big kid, into a man. A man, that you were proud to be. But I don't want you to feel upset by this, because the memory loss hasn't changed anything. The areas of your life that you matured and developed weren't here," Martha stated as she tapped her temple before covering her heart with her hand. "They were here. And your heart didn't lose anything. You are _still_ that man. I hope that the clip on the DVD will show you that."

It was one of those few times in his life when Rick was at a loss for words. Seemingly everyone else was too. Kate squeezed his hand.

After a few long seconds Rick nodded at the remote in Kate's other hand. "Well then, lets see what Mother has brought us."

When the screen came on, it was evident that the DVD Martha had brought was courtesy of Channel 10's news, as the familiar theme and intro began.

"Good evening New York, I'm Micah Michaels, and filling in for Laila Phillips tonight, is Susan Kwan," the attractive head anchor announced. "Tonight's headlines focus on the shooting of Police Detective Kathrine Beckett of Manhattan's 12th district. For more details, we'll go live to Terri Vincent who's at the scene."

The screen changed to a willowy blonde standing in a military cemetery, lit by spotlights. Police crews and crime scene investigators roamed in the background like ants over a picnic.

"That's right Micah. Today as the NYPD gathered to morn the loss of Police Captain Roy Montgomery, who was killed in the line of duty earlier this week, another tragic police shooting occurred. At approximately ten thirty this morning, Detective Kate Beckett was reportedly delivering the eulogy for her commanding officer when shots rang out. Witnesses say that Beckett was hit in either the chest or stomach, despite the attempt of author and friend, Rick Castle, to knock her out of the way. As you may know, Mr. Castle is the best selling novelist who's Nikki Heat books are based on Beckett, Montgomery and the rest of the homicide department of the 12th. At the time it was unknown if he was also hit, but since then, we've learned that he is indeed fine.

Detective Beckett was transported to a nearby hospital and is reported to be in grave condition.

According to latest reports, there is speculation as to whether today's shooting is in connection to the one which claimed the life of Captain Montgomery. Police are asking that anyone with information regarding this situation to please call them at the number listed at the bottom of the screen."

The TV switched back to the studio where Mr. Michael sat poised. "Terry, you mentioned that the Castle books followed both of these officers. Has anything been mentioned about the other members of the homicide department being in danger? Could the books be a factor? Will this effect future Castle books?"

In an instant they were again watching Terri Vincent. "Being police officers in the same department, particularly in homicide, I'm sure there are many plausible ties that could lead to these tragedies. But I'm sure that the connections with the books are being investigated as well. I know that the other two member's of Beckett's team, Detective Javier Esposito and Detective Kevin Ryan were both at the scene today and were not injured. As far as the fate of the Nikki Heat books go, Mr. Castle's publicist released this statement, which I've been told is a direct quote from the author himself, 'This is not about the books. Today is about the lives of friends and family who put on a badge and place themselves in harm's way every day to protect the people they serve. The books be damned. Today we mourn the heartbreaking loss of one beloved officer and friend, and we pray for the life of another'."

Again the screen turned back to the studio.

"Indeed, and our thoughts are with all the families involved. Thank you Terri. We, here at News 10 will continue to keep you updated as more develops."

The clip ended and the room was even more quiet, if that was even possible.

Martha broke the silence after a few moments, by quietly stating, "See, that is a heart of gold, your heart. And_ nothing_ can take that from you."

Rick turned to Kate and watched her. They'd talked about what had happened, but this made it so much more real. She seamed OK though. She'd survived and moved on. It was he that was having to relive things he hadn't dealt with, or at least couldn't remember dealing with.

Kate spoke to him with her eyes, assuring him, comforting him, warming his heart with her stare. He could almost _feel_ her saying "I'm here. I'm safe."

Rick only realized when his heart began to beat normally, that it had begun to pound in his chest. Kate's silent assurance had a calming effect though, that grounded him and brought him focus. Kate was fine she survived. He survived and would one day be fine too. Hopefully. He glanced from his wife's eyes to her abdomen. With a little luck, maybe he'd be back to normal in time to welcome his new child.

"You ready for my video?" she eventually asked.

His chest tightened and he failed to hide his excitement. "I sure am."

Kate changed the disk out before turning back to those watching her. "OK here it goes."

She hopped over her dad's feet and landed on the couch to hold her husband's hand. When she pushed play, the camera panned around a large ballroom of people. It was evidently a black tie event.

"This is the fundraiser for my mom's scholarship." Everyone nodded in remembrance, except Rick. He just watched with unwavering fascination.

The group looked over the heads of the diners as Rick was introduced and then made a speech. He then introduced Jim and Kate, who also spoke. After two more VIP speakers, the band began to play and couples filled the dance floor, led by Rick and Kate.

Kate fast forwarded the movie, "This is just dancing for a while. Lets just skip ahead to the check presentation." She watched carefully as everyone moved in 4x speed. Then the screen went black. "What the...?" she asked quietly.

The others made suggestions of things to try or theories of what had happened, but then the screen changed again this time, to a grainy black and white wedge with small white writing all around it.

"Hey I remember this!" Rick announced, which drew everyone's attention to him. This was exactly what they hoped would happen.

"Yeah, this was just this week!"

By the time everyone looked back at the TV, the tiny baby was visible and squirming around.

Martha's jaw dropped. Jim's brow creased. Alexis moved to the edge of the couch with her eyes growing wider with every heartbeat. "Oh my god! This is an ultrasound! Kate are you...?"

Rick draped his arm around Kate's shoulders, pulling her snugly against his side as she nodded enthusiastically.

Alexis squealed and jumped up to hug her dad and step mom. Martha applauded and cheered her congratulations. Jim just quietly, smiled and whispered, "I'm going to be a grandpa!"

Before long, questions and answers flew around the room in joyous confusion. When all the details were out, Rick reminded them that it would have to remain secret for a while longer.

The rest of the night's conversation was happily baby-centric. When it was time to leave, Jim escorted Martha home leaving Alexis a little time with her immediate family.

"I can't believe I'm finally getting a brother or sister! I am just thrilled!"

Rick smiled. "I knew you would be!"

"I have to admit, I was a little scared that you wouldn't be." Kate admitted.

"No way! I was hoping you guys would have a baby some day. I couldn't be happier!"

Rick hugged Alexis before she left. "No matter how many kids we may have one day, you'll always be my little girl!"

"Daaaaaaaad!"

"Hey, don't deny me this. I feel like in a lot of ways I've already lost my baby to this woman you've become. I need to hold on to this feeling with both hands. Before I know it, you'll be married and making the baby announcements to us!"

"Not anytime soon, I assure you!"

"Good! I think I've been through enough for a while! Let's let my hair grow all the way back in again before you start turning it white!"

XXXXXXXXXX

As they lay in bed later that night, Kate and Rick held each other.

"I don't suppose anything you saw tonight jogged your memory did it?"

"No," he sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Kate rolled to her side and tipped her chin upward toward her husband's face. His lips met her halfway.

The kiss was laced with pain and frustration, hope, need and desire. It deepened quickly until Rick was again on his back, but this time with Kate straddling his waist.

Her hands ran along the ridges of his chest, her fingers tracing bruises and scars. "Are you sure you're ready for this Babe?"

"Definitely!"

In a swift, fluid movement, Rick pulled her t-shirt off, tossed it on the floor and returned his hands to explore the soft skin of her body.

Kate closed her eyes and tipped her head back so that she could enjoy the sensation of his hands on her.

When one of his thumbs grazed her breast, Kate jerked from the sensitivity, causing her head to swim. At first she thought it was a euphoric side effect from the months of missed contact, but when a second wave of vertigo hit, she knew it had nothing to do with pleasure.

Without warning, Kate jumped off Rick and ran to the bathroom.

"Kate!"

Rick slid out of bed and grabbed his crutches. As quickly as possible, he followed her, and was soon sitting on the edge of the tub holding her hair back for her. It was a far cry from the romantic situation they'd almost engaged in, yet in some strange way Rick found himself emotionally fulfilled. Because for the first time in what felt like forever, he was able to be there for her.

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**A/N: Well, here it is guys, this week's "bonus" chapter! Thank you so much for your continued feedback and support. I'll be posting again Monday!**

**Have a great weekend, and happy reading!**

**DeBo81**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The next day, Rick found himself completely alone for the first time since the accident. Kate and Alexis were spending the day shopping, having lunch, and then catching a movie. Apparently this was a girl's only thing, that they did every couple of months. So he was not invited. It was also one of the first weekdays that he was free from doctor's appointments, medical routines, nurses and therapists. He could just be himself, whoever that was anymore.

After eating breakfast, Rick wondered around the loft aimlessly looking for something to do. What would today's Rick do with a day to himself? He wasn't really sure. The Rick he remembered would probably either be sleeping off a wild night, spending hours reading or playing video games, or possibly writing.

He was wide awake and sober, so he didn't need to worry about the first option. And he'd spent so much time recently reading and playing video game from the couch or bed, neither of those really appealed. That left writing, but what on earth would he write?

A part of Rick, familiar but slightly repressed, itched to feel the excitement of bringing a story into existence. He flexed his fingers. When they began to hum with the need to fly across the keyboard, he knew he couldn't resist.

So after getting settled into the chair at his desk, he flipped on his computer, opened his word processor, brought his hands to the shiny black keys, and then proceeded to stare blankly at the blinking cursor. He didn't know how much time passed as half-hearted scenarios and characters passed through his mind, all dismissed before being born into fruition.

In reality, what he should write was probably Nikki Heat. He'd been well informed about her from several sources. He had read and re-read, all the books. Kate had shared with him about many of the real life stories that inspired the books, but yet nothing about the novels felt a part of him. They were great books, fun reads. But it was like reading one of Canel or Patterson's books, not his own words.

Rick knew that technically he had another Heat book left in his contract, Paula had repeatedly reminded him about that. Little good it did though. The Heat books were as foreign and removed from him as everything else in his life right now, maybe even more so.

When frustration began to give way to anger, Rick minimized the word processor and began to search through the files on his computer. Maybe somewhere in the mass of data was a rough draft, an incomplete idea or outline that he could adapt and use a stepping stone.

After more than a half hour of searching, he ran across a locked file. He tried a couple passwords that Kate had told him about but to no avail. Then he tried a couple he actually remembered, though he realized they were quite old. Still no luck.

Rick clicked out of the program and slammed the laptop shut.

He was tired of feeling clueless about his own life. He'd give everything he had to get that time back.

Out of restless frustration, Rick stood and hobbled around the room without his crutches, using the furniture and shelves around the room to support himself instead. Instinct begged him to pace, but his physical limitations held him back, adding to his anxiety.

As Rick's anger grew, so did his pace, until he was limping quickly from one side of the room to the other. When he stepped down on his bad leg, he balanced precariously on the front of his toes, where the cast ended. Each of these steps shot an electric jolt of pain up his leg and into his hip. Rick didn't stop though. He accepted the pain as penance and plowed on.

After several minutes of this, the pain grew from sharp to almost blindingly intense and he knew he had to sit. Unfortunately he was at least ten steps away from the nearest seat, and even farther from his crutches.

He rested momentarily to regain his strength before seeking relief. He never should have been walking like this in the first place.

One step after another brought Rick closer to his goal. The armchair in the corner beckoned him like a mythological siren.

Two more steps and he'd be able to reach the leather seat. Three more and he'd be able to sit.

Rick stepped out again on his broken leg, but this time the pain was too much. He lost his balance and crashed, shoulder first, into shelves laden with picture frames, antiques and books. One shelf broke away from the wall under his weight, spilling it's contents across the hardwood floor. The shelf below that one, held firm but was also entirely cleared of it's possessions. Rick landed on the floor hard enough to leave him dizzy and seeing spots before his eyes.

Hot, angry, tears spilled down his cheeks. Rick felt helpless, broken and alone. He picked up an old brass canister and threw it across the room, leaving a sizable dent in the drywall where it contacted the wall.

The Nikki Heat series peeked out from under the fallen shelf, reminding him of why he was in this situation in the first place. He shoved them violently under the nearby chair.

Rick knew he was basically having a childish tantrum, but he didn't care. No one was here to see him and he needed to just let it all out.

Time passed slowly while he cried, yelled and released all the hurt and tension he'd been holding in for so long. When he was spent, Rick was surprised to find that he actually felt better, at least emotionally.

Physically he hadn't felt this bad in weeks. Gingerly, he tested out his throbbing limbs. Even if his shoulder had the strength to pull his weight up so he could stand or crawl, his leg just could not take it. He needed to give it some more time.

Out of options for the moment, Rick surveyed the mess around him. He balanced the wooden shelf against the baseboard, stood the various trinkets on end, gathered the cracked and broken picture frames and placed them in the chair, and then began collecting the multitude of fallen books that surrounded him. Most were novels written by friends and business acquaintances, many of which were first editions with personal notes from the author.

Carefully, he stacked the books individually into neat piles, occasionally pausing to check one out if he didn't recall it. One such book was entitled "Hour of Fate" by Clayton Desmond. Rick didn't know the title or the author, and the description on the back of the jacket didn't sound like something he would normally pick up, so he opened the book to thumb through the story. To Rick's surprise, the pages were glued together and hollowed out, so when he opened the book another, smaller, leather bound book dropped out. It was his journal.

After reading only a couple pages he knew it wasn't the one he remembered, but one that covered the last year or so. Why he hadn't thought about looking for his journals earlier, he'd never know, but all of a sudden he knew he had to find them. Six years ago he'd kept his filled journals in an oversized, vintage, galvanized bucket under a false bottom, below his movie prop sword collection.

Looking around, he didn't see that anymore. So where would they be now?

When his eyes lighted on an antique trunk across the room, he instinctively knew. Rick dug deep to find the strength he needed to work past the pain, but slowly he scooted himself forward, with his casted leg practically dragging. The eight feet he had to cross to reach his goal seemed more like eight miles at one point, but he was determined.

When Rick reached the trunk, his brow and back were drenched in sweat, his injured arm weak and swollen, his legged pulsed with pain that radiated from toes to hip, but he disregarded it all after taking a moment to catch his breath.

He removed the magazines from the trunk top, unlatched the locks and threw back the top. Photo albums and old scrapbooks that he remembered Alexis working on, sat on top, and actually filled most of the space, but there at the bottom, under a piece of canvas, sat the prize he sought. Six leather bound journals dating from June 2005 to November 2013. Added to the one he'd found hidden in the books, he had the complete set, all the way up to the accident. Rick literally tingled with excitement. Maybe this would be what he needed to regain what he'd lost.

XXXXXXXXXX

When Kate came home that afternoon, she figured she'd find Rick sitting on the couch, hours into an epic Halo game or something similar. When the living room was empty she was surprised.

Reason led her to check the bedroom next. Not only was it empty as well, it showed no signs of being used. The bed was made neatly, the bathroom, exactly as she left it.

Panic began to grow in her chest. Something was wrong. She knew how clumsy Rick still was on his crutches. He couldn't have returned everything to this exact order by himself.

"Riiiiiiick!" she called loudly as she raced back toward the kitchen.

"Kate! Can you give me a hand?" She heard softly from the office.

Even before entering the study, Kate could see the cleared and fallen shelves, but not her husband.

"What happened!?"

The moment he answered, she saw him. "I uh, had a little accident. I'm OK, but..." he switched into a ridiculous voice "I've fallen and I can't get up."

Kate helped him up and into the love seat near by and then looked for his crutches. When she spotted them across the room, next to his desk, things began falling into place. "Where you trying to walk without your crutches? When no one was home to help? Rick, you could have killed yourself!"

"Don't be over dramatic Kate. I was doing fine, well until..."

"Until you fell and took half the library with you?"

"One shelf. ONE."

Kate searched Rick's body, checking for serious injury. He thought to stop her, but knew better. She was worried and determined, and that was a freight train that mere mortals couldn't stop. He'd been figuring that out over the last month, but after reading through the journals, now understood it as well.

"Your shoulder is swollen, and your toes look dark. I think we should take you into the ER."

He took one of her hands and gripped her fingers tightly. "No. I'm OK. I swear. I just need my meds, some ice and to relax on the couch. I'm sore and weak, but I haven't been in any real pain for a couple hours now."

"Hours? How long have you been on the floor?"

"I don't know, since maybe eleven or so."

"It's almost four!"

"Yeah, I know. I'm hungry and I've really gotta pee."

Something about the boyish charm he used, melted the anxiety in her heart, leaving only pity and concern. Two things she knew he didn't want.

"Tell you what, Evel Knievel, if you agree to use the wheelchair again tonight, we can wait til tomorrow to assess going to the doctor."

"I think that if I don't agree soon, I'm going to embarrass myself so, sure. I'll use the chair, but hurry up and get it, before we both regret it!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Half an hour later, Rick was sitting with his leg propped up on the couch, eating a tuna salad sandwich, pickle spears, and a root beer float, while Kate cleaned up the study.

After everything was back in some order she joined him. "How are you feeling?"

"Eh."

"Wow Mr. Castle, I see why you've got so many award winning books. You have such a way with words."

"Maybe I forgot them too."

His attempt at joking was only thinly veiled, drawing the smile off of Kate's face.

"What really happened today? And don't tell me nothing."

Rick put his plate on the coffee table before staring off into a far corner. He told her everything, about the frustration over writing, not knowing where to find things on his computer, feeling like his work belonged to someone else, the pacing, the fall, and about finding his journals.

"I'm sorry I didn't think about looking for those earlier. I knew you occasionally wrote in one, but I didn't know where you kept them."

"It's fine. I didn't think about it either, and I've been keeping journals for a lot longer than just the time I've lost."

"So did you start reading them?"

"Yeah I skimmed over the stuff I remembered, and now I'm about two years or so, into shadowing you."

"Shedding any light?"

"A bit. Did you know how quickly I fell for you?"

Kate tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and considered her answer. "I knew you were interested from the beginning. I'm not sure I can pinpoint when it went from casual pursuit to more. At the time, I was so confused by my own feelings and engrossed with my own pains that I tried not to notice. I thought that acknowledging our feelings would only end in pain. I was wrong."

XXXXXXXXXX

That night, Rick read long after Kate was snoring softly beside him. His body still ached and his eyes were dry and gravely, yet he read on. He absorbed every detail like a sponge, sometimes rereading passages over an over until he felt like he fully understood.

Never did his brain gift him a memory, but as he took everything in, he did feel an unidentifiable sense of familiarity, almost like deja vu.

The sun was beginning to lighten the room by the time he closed the last journal. Rick's heart, mind and soul were completely overwhelmed. Now that he knew more of the big picture, from his own point of view, feelings and situations became more clear. He wanted to be the man he'd become, the father, friend and husband that he'd grown into.

He turned to watch his wife sleeping next to him and yearned to feel what he knew was currently lost. They weren't doing poorly, but there was a deep connection that he now realized, they had not yet regained. He'd do anything in his power to get that back.

With slow calculated movements, Rick turned onto his side and pulled Kate against him, spooning her warm body against his own. Just before falling asleep, he couldn't help but be amazed at how in sync they were, even now. Every beat of their hearts, every breath they took, met in harmonic rhythm as if one.

XXXXXXXXXX

Several days passed while Rick considered what to do next. When a plan started to form, he ran with it, putting it into effect immediately.

That Friday morning, he was downgraded to a walking cast, which only helped him along. Even after the fall earlier in the week, the doctor determined he was healing well and granted him the extra freedom.

On the way home, Rick flexed his legs and wiggled his toes. "I think we should celebrate tonight! What do you say we go out for dinner."

"Sure! If you think you're ready."

Kate's eyes stayed on the road in front of her but Rick's roamed over her body. "I am definitely ready."

That night as they dressed for dinner, there was a knock on the door. "I'll get that!" Rick announced as he left the bedroom.

When he returned, he paused at the door and knocked lightly. Kate turned to him and sucked in a deep breath.

"Delivery for a Mrs. Katherine Castle."

Kate's smile started in her eyes and radiated across her face as Rick placed the bouquet of perfect red roses in her arms.

"They're beautiful. Thank you."

"They pale greatly, in comparison to the lovely woman holding them."

Kate actually blushed at his compliment, which surprised him. She didn't seem the type to blush, but maybe he had that effect on her.

"You didn't have to get me flowers. After all, we're celebrating your health."

"I wanted to. You've been incredible this last month and a half. You're always at my side, never wavering or complaining, even when its taken more than you had to give. Flowers don't even begin to show my gratitude."

"You're my husband, Rick. I wouldn't think of doing anything less. I love you."

Rick swallowed. Every time she told him that, it reminded him that they were in very different places still.

He reached out and took one of her hands, stroking her palm gently with his thumb.

"And that is the other reason I gave you flowers. We're married and you are so devoted and loving, and I know I'm still... removed, in many ways. I want to change that. I want to re-create what we had; what you remember. I want to remember that too. I read in my journal that on our first official date I brought you a dozen red roses and took you to Per Se for dinner at eight. I hope you don't mind an encore performance."

Kate hadn't yet donned her heals so she had to stand on her toes to reach Rick's mouth. After a quick but heated kiss, she pulled back slightly. "Are you planning to date me all over again?"

"I am. That is, if you'll accept my invitations."

"I will always say yes to you."

XXXXXXXXXX

Dinner passed quickly. The food was delectable; the conversation, excellent, but the company was the highlight of the night. A spark ignited early on between the couple and grew to a steady flame as they talked about everything and nothing for hours.

Rick was intrigued by the woman he called wife, but whom he was still discovering. Kate was as charmed this night as she was the first time they had gone on this date.

By the time they were headed home in the back of their town car, brief casual touches became heated lingering ones.

Kate caressed the shell of his ear, using the movement to guide his lips to hers. The kiss became a full embrace and soon she was running her hands through the newly grown hair on the back of his head as she arched back so that his mouth could explore the skin of her neck.

When they arrived at the loft, the couple tried to regain composure until safely behind the locked doors of their home. The ride up the elevator proved remarkably difficult. Not since returning home from their honeymoon had they been so desperate for the car to arrive at the top floor.

"You know something Kate?" Rick asked between kisses.

"What?"

"Dating is a lot less stressful when you know how its going to end."

"Pretty sure of yourself there aren't you Writer Boy?"

Rick paused and pulled his face back so he could look in her eyes. "Well considering you already spend every night in my bed and you're carrying my child. Can't blame a guy for drawing conclusions."

A strange look came across Kate's face that he couldn't read. She didn't look upset, but she didn't seem amused either.

The ding of the elevator arriving on their floor ended the odd moment. Together, and quite slowly considering that Rick's leg still held him back, the couple made their way to the door.

When he slid his key into the lock, she rubbed his back. When he held the door for her, Kate drew him inside by tugging on his tie.

With each little progression toward the bedroom, another article of clothing met the floor. First her purse, then their shoes. His belt, jacket and tie soon followed. By the time they made it to their bed, the only thing either of them wore were mutual looks of desire.

Kate stood back a bit, silently encouraging him to really see her, hoping that maybe he'd remember her every curve and secret.

He greedily let his eyes roam over her, mesmerized by her flawless beauty. His hands and lips soon followed. Once again, familiarity struck a chord within him, but never took his mind into recognition. When he knew he didn't remember, he challenged himself to memorize her instead. Secretly he smiled, when one particular realization struck him. Her pregnancy was beginning to show. Even though he couldn't remember the details of her body from before she carried their child, he had seen enough of her in the last month to notice the barely visible change. The taught swelling of her breasts and the gentle curve to her otherwise flat abdomen were subtle, but certainly there.

Desire for Kate suddenly flooded him more than ever, encouraging him to act on his need. His body ached from the pain of his injuries yet begged to be soothed by the euphoria of their bond.

It wasn't much longer before they both rested, sweaty and sated in each other's arms. Sleep would claim him quickly that night, for sure. But before exhaustion won its fight, Kate again whispered words of love, words that he couldn't yet return. Unsure of how to answer, he remained quiet in the darkness, allowing her to believe he was already asleep. After several moments of silent waiting, she sighed and turned away from him to sleep on her side.

Rick felt awful, knowing his sleepy silence hurt her, but so afraid that the absence of his love would hurt her even worse.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Kate lay awake for hours. Despite being exhausted, her mind refused to release her to sleep. Everything had been going so well. Rick's health and strength had improved, her morning sickness and exhaustion had lessened noticeably, and then they had their fabulous date tonight. She should be thrilled, but she wasn't.

After weeks of waiting to be with her husband again, yearning for the intimacy they'd shared, Kate was left feeling hollow and disappointed. Mentally, she berated herself for the attitude she carried, but it didn't really change how she felt.

Tonight when they came together, she wanted, no needed, to make love with the man who completed her, but what happened felt simply like sex. And although there was certainly a time and a place for that, tonight she needed more, but the emotion and devotion just wasn't there. At times the act even seemed orchestrated or... forced. Not one time in their entire relationship had she ever faked a climax, until that night. Physically, he didn't really disappoint, but for her, being deeply and truly loved was far more erotic than any physical act.

Her brain knew that Rick cared deeply, but hadn't fallen in love with her again, tonight her heart had to acknowledge it too. Now she knew... all of her _knew _that absence.

She felt like a conquest, a hot date that he'd finally scored. The fleeting thought "Deep Fried Twinkie", passed quickly through her mind before she suppressed it.

She tired to giver herself a mental shake. She was being unfair to him, to herself, and likely the entire situation. It was their first time and she had unfair expectations. It would be better with time, she reminded herself repeatedly until it became a silent mantra that lulled her into restless sleep.

By the time she opened her eyes, the sun was streaming in through the bedroom windows. A quick glance at the clock told her it was almost ten.

"Good morning, Beautiful." Rick whispered in her ear.

At first, a flush of warmth spread across her skin before memories from the night before caused her to slightly stiffen.

She plastered a smile on her lips that she hoped looked genuine, and turned to face her husband. "Good morning."

"Sleep well?" he asked while trailing a finger across her collar bone then dipping down between her breasts.

His touch felt foreign and awkward. She flexed one of her hands to keep from batting his hand away. "Um yeah. You?"

"Like a baby!"

"Good I'm glad."

He didn't seem to noticed her lack of enthusiasm, something pre-accident Rick would have picked up on right away. She wasn't sure if she was relieved by his oblivion or not. She knew he was trying and didn't want to hurt his feelings, but a part of her just wanted to be left alone.

"Speaking of babies," he continued as he peeled back the sheet til it rested just below her hip bones. His large, warm hand rested low on her abdomen. "I noticed that you're starting to show."

He was obviously excited by the discovery, but she wanted to scream. Instead, she pushed him away and rolled out of bed, then wrapped herself in a robe within the span of a second or two.

"What!?" he asked, completely bewildered.

"So I'm fat now?"

"Don't be ridiculous! You don't have an ounce of fat anywhere on you. You're pregnant! The baby is getting big enough to take up new real estate, you should be thrilled!"

Tears sprung to her eyes before she could escape to the bathroom.

The last thing she heard before shutting the door was Rick mutter "Whoa, mood swing! Sure wish those came with warnings."

XXXXXXXXXX

After a long, hot shower, and a now rare cup of coffee, Kate finally relaxed and calmed down. She felt awful about how she'd treated Rick and decided she needed to make amends.

While he worked in the study, she quickly whipped up a batch of his favorite treat, something he called, "Loaded Krispies", which are rice krispy treats that include broken pretzels, M&Ms and are drizzled with peanut butter. When they were complete, she cut out two oversized squares, placed them on a plate and poured a tall glass of milk, all of which she carried into the office.

Rick looked up wearily from his laptop when Kate entered the room.

"I come bearing a peace offering," she said as she slid the plate and glass on the desk. "Please forgive me for overreacting earlier."

A lopsided smile spread rapidly from his lips to his eyes. "Forgiven! I'm sorry I even mentioned you showing. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sure you're far more aware of your body than I am."

"Don't be sorry. I'm not upset, anymore. I'm glad that everything with the pregnancy is progressing normally. It's just a lot to absorb sometimes and I'm... I'm kinda emotional right now."

"Understood. And if you can get past me sticking my foot in my mouth, I can certainly roll with all the emotions and hormones and everything. Now, what is this sinful looking snack you brought me?"

"Loaded Krispies, they're your favorite! You invented them last winter, when we were snowed in for a weekend. You tried to convince me that they were appropriate for breakfast, to which I still disagree, but they are delicious."

Rick's eyes rolled back in delight after the first bite. "Woman, why have you not made these for me sooner!?"

"And reveal all my tricks in the first act? I think not!"

He pushed the plate toward her and mumbled around a full mouth, "Here you better have one too so I don't feel like such a glutton."

Kate broke off a corner to nibble but handed the rest back. "Thank you but these are for you. I have the rest wrapped up for tonight, I'll have one then."

"What time is everyone getting here again?"

"Around six."

He glanced at the laptop to check the time. It wasn't even one yet. He reached for her hand and drew circles on her wrist with his thumb. "That means we have a few hours to kill. I can think of a few ways to pass the time."

At first Kate resisted. She was just beginning to feel better, she didn't want to have to face all her insecurities again so soon.

Rick tugged her closer though, "What do ya say, Mrs. Castle? Don't tell me we don't have make up sex?"

"Oh no, we certainly do have that. Surprisingly often."

He chuckled and pulled her down onto his lap so that she straddled his good leg. "No surprise there. I'm guessing we fight quite a bit. And with such a sexy wife, I bet I've picked a few fights just for the chance to make up."

Her resolve was melting quickly as he ran his fingers under her top, then

up and down her spine. "I don't doubt that one bit. Although in all honesty, you've never had to make up a reason to be with me."

His other hand gripped her hip, and he leaned in to whisper softly. "Have I ever had to beg?"

The question dripped with arousal.

"Maybe," she replied deeply.

He kissed the spot on her neck where her pulse pounded its rapid staccato. "Shall I beg now?"

Her body was already betraying her, preparing for the possibility of pleasure. Her mind though, still wavered in indecision. Maybe last night was a fluke; a mixture of unrealistic expectation and unique situation. Surely going in now, with a clearer head would be all the difference she'd need. She just needed to embrace what they did have and not focus on what was missing.

Kate removed herself from Rick's lap. His disappointment was not well hidden.

She reached for his crutches and handed them to him, morphing his expression from disappointment to confusion.

In one fluid movement she pulled off her t-shirt and flung it on the desk. "Last one to bed, has to wash all the dishes for a week!"

"You don't play fair!" Rick called to her disappearing back, as he hurried to follow.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jenny Ryan set the table while Lanie and Kate finished prepping dinner in the loft's luxury kitchen. Rick, Kevin and Javier were all huddled on the couch playing Halo. The three women talked and laughed while they worked.

Kate was tossing the salad when she looked up to see her best friend pouring wine into every glass at the table. She almost told her not to pour any for her, but then hesitated. Turning down the drink would surely draw the doctor's attention and questions. Instead, she just made a mental note to avoid the glass when they ate.

"Hey Lanie," Jenny piped up. "I'll just have water tonight."

Kate's head shot over to her petite friend, a million questions racing through her mind.

Lanie was also staring, and under the scrutiny, Jenny squirmed. "I just took some allergy medicine before coming over and don't want to mix alcohol with it."

The doctor went back to pouring the other drinks. "I didn't know you had allergies, Jenn."

"Uh, yeah, to um... cats. My sister just got a kitten though and I couldn't resist stopping by and meeting him."

"Awwww, yeah that's probably worth it."

Kate remained silent during the conversation._ Did Lanie really buy that? _It was obvious Jenny was lying. Were the Ryan's expecting too?

She carefully skimmed Jenn's profile looking for any visible changes that would give her away. It was possible that her chest was fuller, but that could just be an allusion made by the pink v-neck blouse. Kate had never paid enough attention to her friend's figure to know for sure.

When Kate was sure no one was looking her way, she quickly appraised her own body. Rick said she was showing. _Could the others tell too?_

The timer on the stove broke off her line of thought. The shrimp and scallop primavera was ready to add to the fettuccine.

As she finished working with the food, she gave herself a mental shrug. Even if they could tell, what did it matter? The reason they were having their friends over that night was to tell them anyway.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dinner blurred by in a whirl of laughter. With the exception of missing a few inside jokes, when with this group of friends, Rick didn't seem to miss a beat. The easy camaraderie and tall tales they all shared were as much fun whether experiencing it for the first time or the tenth.

The three couples were all very relaxed, giving Kate the first real sense of normal in what felt like forever. So when she served coffee, she was ready to share their big news. After sitting back down next to Rick, she squeezed his hand and nodded, earning an enormous grin.

When the conversation lulled, Rick sat forward, grabbing the opportunity with both hands. "Guys, I just want to thank you all for coming over tonight. Needless to say the last few weeks have been quite difficult at times. I know I speak for both of us when I say, we needed this nice, fun, relaxing evening with friends. It helps me and I think Kate as well, feel like life is moving forward again in a more normal rhythm."

Several nods from around the table commiserated the statement.

"So, I know I probably should have done this while we still had our wine, but I'd like to make a toast." Rick raised his mug high. "To friends who are as loved as family,who laugh with you and cry with you, who are at your side during thick and thin, who mourn your losses with you and celebrate with you, all of life's gains!"

Replies of "Here, here" and "Slainte" echoed the toast.

"And speaking of life's gains," Rick looked deep into Kate's expectant hazel eyes. "We'd like to share with you our most recent one."

Kate watched her friends watching her husband. Butterflies danced eagerly in her stomach. "Kate and I are excited to announce we're having a baby!"

Lanie squealed and jumped from her chair to wrap her dearest friend in a huge hug, while the men offered congratulations and celebratory pats on the back. Jenn also gave Kate a giant hug.

While the two women embraced, Jenny whispered to Kate, "I don't want to steal any of your thunder so we'll make an announcement later, but we're expecting too."

Kate returned the hug, and answered just as quietly. "You're not stealing any thunder, I'd be honored if you shared too."

Jenny stepped back and questioned Kate with her eyes.

Kate nodded assuredly.

The brightest smile Kate had ever seen on Jenny's face quickly formed before she returned to her husband's side.

"Actually we have an announcement of our own."

Kevin hugged Jenny to his side.

"No way." Espo playfully groaned.

"Yes way, bro!" Ryan answered. "You're gonna be Uncle Javi near the end of January."

More hugs and cheers passed quickly around the party of six.

"There must be something in the water!" Rick declared.

Javier pointed a finger at Lanie and with mock seriousness. "You need to stop drinking water!"

"Oh no worries there Babe. I can guarantee I am not looking to be a mother anytime soon. Even if all the cool kids are doing it. I'm just going to soak up being the coolest, finest, most excellent auntie in New York! Just call me Ti Ti Lanie!"

The whole group practically died with laughter!

Conversation focused on babies and pregnancy for the next hour. When Jenny pulled out ultrasound pictures from her purse, Kate mentioned that she had hers on her computer.

Taking the opportunity to ditch the "Mommy talk", the guys returned to the video games, the moment the ladies headed for the study.

Kate led the way through the office, with Lanie bringing up the rear.

While logging into her computer, Kate heard Lanie's telltale hum, "Mmmmmmmmm girl!"

When she looked up, the MD was standing next to Rick's desk with Kate's formerly discarded top hanging from her finger tip. "No wonder you're pregnant, it appears as if we should stop calling your place "The Loft" and start calling it "The Love Shack"!"

"Hardly!" Kate laughed.

"So there's another reason your shirt is pooled on your husband's desk?" Jenny joined in.

"Et tu?"

She shrugged and grinned. "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck..."

Kate tried to ignore her friends and continue to search for the ultrasound files, but they were watching her and picked up on her mood change.

Lanie scooted onto the edge of Kate's desk, "Waz up Girly? Something wrong?"

"No, its nothing."

"Right and I'm leaving the morgue to sing back up for Tina Turner."

"Good luck with that! Get me tickets when you're in town."

"Kate!"

"Lanie," she replied with as much force. Then added, "Whatever you think is wrong, you're just imagining."

"No Kate," Jenn added. "She's right. I can see it too. You know you can tell us. Is it something with the pregnancy?"

Kate spun her laptop around to show her friends the dancing image of the baby's ultrasound, hoping to distract Sherlock and Watson.

The tactic worked, but only briefly. Both woman oooohed and ahhhhed over the bean shaped child, but when the video end, so did the diversion.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it."

"So its personal?" Lanie deduced.

"Yes, maybe it is!" Kate snapped before quickly apologizing. "I'm sorry, it's just everything right now is just so... I just don't know. I need time to figure it all out."

The three women let silence envelope the room. The only sounds were from the men's rowdy game play in the next room.

Just when Kate saw that Lanie was backing off, Jenny surprised her from out of the blue. "You know, if you and Castle are having issues, we won't tell anyone, not even the guys. Maybe talking about it would help."

"Castle and I are NOT having issues."

"Castle, huh?" Lanie noted. "I haven't heard you call him that since the wedding, even when we call him that."

"Rick," Kate restated purposefully, "and I are doing great."

Three or four long seconds of dead silence passed before Jenny again stepped up. "Well then you'll have to share your secret Kate. If Kev and I had been through even half of what you guys have gone through in the last year, we'd be a mess."

This drew Kate a little bit out of her shell. She gazed from one friend to the other and swallowed deeply.

"It's not what you think it is. We aren't fighting."

Lanie crossed her arms over her chest. "So it's personal but not about fighting or pregnancy. I'd guess sex, but the evidence on his desk says otherwise."

Kate tried to school herself so as not to react, but they were both already onto her.

"So it _is_ sex?" Jenny suggested "He's not interested?"

"Oh, he's interested."

"But you aren't?"

"No, I am too. I just..."

"You just what?" Lanie coaxed.

Kate swatted a threatening tear away. She would not cry, not here, not now, not in front of her friends. She wrestled with what to do. A part of her just wanted to end the conversation now, even if it put her friends out. She just wanted to deal with this on her own. The other part of her needed to be reassured, needed to be supported, needed to let all her fears out.

Could she do that? Could she open herself up like that?

While she thought, apparently so did Jenny. "I won't push anymore, but just remember you can always talk to either of us."

For some reason, Jenn backing off was exactly the push Kate needed to open up.

Slowly, the crack in her resolve broke open and before long, the floodgates uncharacteristically opened."It's just all wrong."

"What is, honey?" Lanie softly asked as she threw an arm around Kate's shoulders.

"Everything! Even before we were married, he was my best friend, my solid ground, my other half. He understood me like no one ever has, and in some ways, knew me better than I knew myself. We have always had this unexplainable... connection, where we didn't need words to communicate, and when we did talk, we finished each other sentences."

Lanie nodded as she spoke.

"I have never experienced or witnessed a chemistry like we've had, mentally, emotionally, physically. Even when things were bad, when we were apart, hurting, fighting, that connection was still there. When I was shot and spent 3 months completely cut off from him, the longest we've ever been apart, it was there. I can't explain it, but we've talked about it and I swear to you, it was there."

Both women watched as Kate Castle opened up in a way that neither had ever seen before. They didn't dare interrupt.

"Maybe I'm naive, but after I accepted the fact that I loved him and he loved me, I didn't really think we could lose that, you know? Our relationship was so strong. Then in the blink of an eye, it's gone. My other half is a stranger."

Lanie hugged her shoulders. "Oh Honey! I didn't realize things were that bad. You guys have seemed fine!"

"We've had our ups and downs. He's certainly been fighting an uphill battle since the beginning. And it hasn't been easy, but for me, it's kinda just come to a head now."

"Why now?" Jenny asked. "What's changed?"

Kate shook her head. She'd already said too much, what did it matter if she said more?

"We, uh, we were together again for the first time last night, and then again today. It was like being with a man I didn't know. The sex was, OK I guess, but there was no intimacy, no connection. He seemed to really enjoy it, but I felt like I was a date he got lucky with."

Lanie and Jenny shared a look over Kate's head when she bent to wipe away more tears.

"I love him so much, and I know he doesn't feel the same way. He can't. I am his wife and I'm having his baby and he doesn't know me any more than he knows either of you! I mean, I know he's trying. I don't blame him; it's not his fault. I'm not angry. I'm... lost. I'm alone."

Lanie cradled Kate to her shoulder and, surprisingly, Kate allowed it. "Sweetie, it's still early and you both have so much going on right now. Have you talked to him about this?"

"I can't. It would hurt him too much. I just need to suck it up and get through it."

"Bullshit, you'll get through this together, not alone. Maybe you're right, maybe right now, he doesn't recognize how much he loves you, but deep down, he does. That man out there is still Richard Castle and he has been crazy about you since day one, and I believe he still is, even now. You two need to talk and give it time."

"Sounds easy when you put it like that, but its not!"

"It's not going to be easy. Life rarely is. But look how many times you guys have already beat the odds."

"You can only beat them so many times, Lanie. What if our luck's run out?"

"Luck? Really? You tell me how Rick's changed, but I can assure you, girlfriend, he isn't alone. Two years ago you would never have opened up like this, even with me. Hell, two months ago you wouldn't have. And now you're talking about luck? You don't believe in luck. I don't know if its the stress talking or the pregnancy hormones or what, but whatever it is, it's making a difference in you too. I think right now between coming off a major trauma, and now having a baby, you just have to keep trying to be patient and honest with each other. Maybe sex should wait a while longer until you've regained the feelings you're missing, but you're going to have to tell him why. Hiding it is only going to hurt both of you in the long run."

Kate was done with the conversation. She'd already shut down. She wiped her face one last time to clean away any residual traces of tears and then plastered on a practiced smile. "Thank you both for listening. I appreciate it and feel much better. I'm sure, Lanie, that you're right. We just need time and communication. I'm probably just a hormonal wreck right now. So lets put this all behind us and go back out with the guys. They promised to play Taboo with us and not just video games all night."

Lanie and Jenny watched silently as Kate shut down her computer and stood. If they hadn't seen the break down only minutes earlier, they never would have believed it ever happened.

The rest of the night passed quickly and without incident, and by the time everyone left, both Kate and Rick were genuinely exhausted. There were no excuses that night as they fell into bed, both already half asleep.

As her heavy eyes closed for the last time that night, Kate had one fleeting thought. Would time really ever bring her husband back?


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Hours turned into days and days into weeks. Time marched on, but in the Castle home, it sometimes felt painfully slow.

Physically, Rick continued to improve as he healed and regained his strength. By the end of August he was free from crutches, casts and canes. He was fully mobile and rarely slowed down by his lingering aches and pains. He joined a gym on his PT's suggestion and soon found himself stronger and fitter than he had been in ten years.

When at home, he threw himself into his latest book, "Lingering Heat". After wrestling with the knowledge that another book was contractually due, accident or not, Rick finally decided to take the bull by the horns and tackle the daunting task. He still didn't feel like he knew Nikki Heat, so he decided to write the one thing he did know right now... confusion. Nikki's newest foe would be herself, after being beaten by a criminal, she would suffer from amnesia, much like he did. The writing was going painfully slow, but at least he finally had something to write.

Kate's health was also progressing. With the arrival of her second trimester, her energy and appetite seemed to pick up as her nausea waned. The week before, she had gone with Lanie, Jenny and Becca Jakobson out shopping for her and Jenny's first maternity clothes. Although she had been leery to do so, when she came home with half a new wardrobe, she couldn't hide her excitement. She'd spent more than an hour trying on her purchases for Rick, showing him all the hidden elastic in the waist bands and using a cushion to show how the tops would look over her baby bump in a few more months.

As an expectant mother, Kate was finally finding her niche and allowing herself to enjoy the experience for all that it was. As a wife though, little had changed.

Kate and Rick had been on several more "recreated" dates. They were nice enough, but inherently strained. Their sex life also left a lot to be desired. Rick, who no longer wore the rose colored glasses of a new relationship noticed her lack of enthusiasm but didn't know if something was wrong, if it was just a result of the pregnancy or if perhaps everything was "normal" and he just didn't remember. Afraid the answer might make things worse, he followed her lead and never broached the topic. Instead, they just continued on week after week, pretending that everything was wonderful, and secretly hoping that something might improve.

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick curled onto his side, spooning Kate's naked body to his own. He absently wound and unwound a lock of her long hair around his finger until Kate whispered a good night. Then he dropped his hand to cup the small curve of his wife's belly while he let his mind wander. Although he was physically satisfied, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. He just wished he knew what it was, because if he _could_ fix it, he certainly would.

Here he was, a man who had everything, and yet he wanted more. He had a wonderful home, his health, fame, and money enough to spare. People killed for less. Then on top of those, he was lucky to have the true riches in life with a beautiful family and true friends. Most people in the world were not blessed with half that he had, why couldn't he just be grateful and move on with his life?

As exhaustion began to relax his mind, something deep inside clicked.

In a clumsy movement, Rick propped himself up on his elbow, allowing Kate to roll to her back.

"What's wrong?" she asked in a groggy whisper.

"Are you happy?"

"What?"

"Are you happy, Kate?"

"Sure, I guess."

"I'm not convinced."

"It's after midnight. Is this really the time to talk about this?"

He rolled over again so he could flip on the bedside lamp.

"Yes, this is the time. Now tell me, are you really truly happy?"

"To be woken up after five minutes of sleep? No."

"Kate," he practically begged. "Please."

"I'm happy. Why wouldn't I be?"

In the dim light, she gazed up at him from her pillow. When her olive colored eyes locked with his, he had the stunning realization that it was probably the first time she'd really looked him in the eye, in weeks.

"I... it's just that it feels like something isn't... I don't know, something just isn't right."

If he hadn't been staring at her, he never would have seen the flicker of emotion she quickly quashed.

He was at a loss for words. Pain swelled in his heart, and he knew he had his answer. She wasn't happy, and it was because of him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Kate pushed herself up in bed, pulling the sheet with her, careful to stay completely covered. "There's nothing to tell Rick, really. We're going through a lot. It's not that I'm unhappy. We're just in transition. You know, growing pains. These things happen. I'm sure with a little more time..." Her words trailed off as his face hardened.

"How is time supposed to do anything Kate? We've already lost so much. It seems like time is our enemy not our solution."

"I don't know. But if time isn't what we need, what is?"

Still using one hand to clutch the bedding to her chest, Kate stretched out her other one toward him, willing him to take hold.

After several heavy seconds, he took her slender fingers, and stroked the back of them with the pad of his thumb. "I was hoping you could tell me."

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick woke the next morning with a pounding headache. The little sleep he'd managed to get last night was fitful at best. After their brief discussion last night, the best suggestion they could come up with was to sleep on it and hope that clear minds would prevail. As the light of day dawned clear and bright on the metropolis around him, he knew he'd essentially failed on both sleeping and achieving a clear mind. A quick glance next to him, at the empty space of mattress, told him that it was likely that his wife had failed just as miserably.

After a quick stop in the bathroom, Rick wrapped himself in his robe and limped out of the bedroom, following the heady scent of coffee wafting from the kitchen.

A half empty pot of their darkest roast sat on the counter with his favorite mug ready and waiting at it's side. He poured himself a cup full, added some sugar and then went in search of Kate.

He found her standing on the private balcony just off the study. She too was clad in her robe and clutching a mug, as she stared at the sun rising over the city.

Rick quietly moved to her side. Neither spoke, they only stood and drank until they were both awash in the ascending sun's golden bath. The sounds of the waking city became louder with each passing second. The chatter of birds gave way to the honk of car horns and police sirens. The familiar odor of diesel fumes and the sweet fragrance of the Swedish bakery on the ground below them, mingled with their coffee's aroma creating a uniquely wonderful urban scent. Under other circumstances, Rick ruefully acknowledged that this could be an almost perfect start to the day.

Unfortunately, the yet to be addressed conversation hung over them like a shroud, dampening the effect of the late summer morning.

"I've been thinking." Kate finally stated.

"Me too."

"And... what did you come up with?"

"Not much. How about you?"

Kate took a long sip from her steaming cup. "I think we're in trouble."

Rick's heart dropped into his stomach. A lump formed in his throat. "Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"No I don't think so,. If we aren't in trouble yet, we will be soon, the way things are going."

"I don't want that Kate." Rick gripped her elbow through the thick plush fabric covering her arms. "You have to know that."

"I do, and I don't want it either. That's why I think we need some help. I've learned, mainly through you, that there are some things in life that are just too big, too important to face alone. That's why I think we should maybe see someone about it."

"You mean like marriage counseling?"

"Yes. Well no, but yes."

"You've lost me."

"I don't want to see some random relationship therapist. I'm sure there are some good ones out there for typical situations, but there's nothing about this that's typical. I mean, this is more like dealing with a trauma than just a rocky marriage. I know that you didn't want to see a therapist about the memory loss and accident and stuff, and I get that. Trust me, I really do. But I know someone who I think could help, not just you, but us."

"Really. And what makes the guy so special?"

"Dr. Burke is the therapist I saw after I was shot. He helped me through my PTSD and also through all my reservations about starting a relationship with you. In a way, he's kinda already done this for us once already. He knows me, and you as well, through what I told him back then. He knows a lot of our history, and I trust him. We could see him together."

For only the second time in who knows how long, Kate brought her questioning eyes to meet his. They searched him and pleaded with him, tugging on his heart strings, until his reserve slowly melted.

"OK. I'm in. Lets give him a try."

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick followed Kate into the stylishly understated office. The rich warm tones and the supple leather furniture reminded him a bit of home. It was nicer than he expected.

Never having been to therapy before, he took his cues from his wife. When she sat on a couch, he joined her. The exact spot he chose was severely calculated though. Close enough to look like a happy couple, but far enough to give each other space. At least he hoped that was how it looked.

If truth be told, he didn't want to sit. He wanted to stand or pace or something. At least he didn't have to lie down. Right now he just wasn't that relaxed.

Kate reached out and squeezed his hand. He knew it was her way of acknowledging his anxiety and that she was trying her best to soothe it. Of course she was calm. She's done this before. And besides, she wasn't the one with the problem. He was. He knew it, and that thought drove him crazy.

When a tall, handsome, man entered the room, Rick was drawn from his racing thoughts.

The gentleman reached out to take Kate's hand first and then Rick's.

"Dr. Burke, it's good to see you again."

"You too, Kate," the psychiatrist greeted in a surprisingly deep voice. "And Rick, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Uh, yeah," Rick stumbled over his words before looking at Kate oddly, before finishing his reply, "You too".

Burke noticed Rick's hesitation and faced it head on. "Is something wrong?"

"Uhhhhhhhh. No, not at all. Kate said I've never met you before, but uh... You just, um... seem familiar."

"In what way?"

Rick actually flushed a little. "Your voice. It, uh, reminded me of someone."

The doctor tipped back his head and chuckled. "Let me guess, 'Captain, the Klingons are hailing us'".

"Oh my god!" Rick gasped, wide eyed.

"Trust me Mr. Castle you are not the first to hear the similarities, but I assure you, I'm not at all Klingon, nor have I ever played one on TV. Although I did meet Michael Dorn once on a flight from California. Wonderful man!"

Rick caught Kate rolling her eyes but she was clearly amused.

Dr. Burke settled into his chair with a thick file tucked at his side, and a pad of paper balanced on his knee. "So what brings you two here this afternoon?"

Kate turned to Rick, but he nodded for her to explain. "Well, you may have heard in the news back in June about the accident Rick was in..."

"When he pushed the child out of traffic and was hit by a car?"

"Yes. He had quite a few injuries from that, including some memory loss."

"As I recall, that was reported temporary though, no?"

Rick answered this question. "Well we still hope its temporary, but its been almost three months and as of yet, nothing's really returned. The doctors say though to not give up. The brain is still greatly unknown, and there have been cases when even years after a trauma, memories resurface. In some cases the amnesia is completely reversed."

Kate picked up where Rick left off. "And we are hoping that the part of his memory that he's missing will come back, but we can't just put our lives on hold until that happens. Especially because we're expecting a baby in February."

"Congratulations! And you're right, you can't just pause life until it improves. I'm glad you're seeing that. It's certainly the first step." Burke scribbled a quick note on the yellow legal pad that he balanced. "Tell me more about the memory loss."

"My long term memory seems to be fine. I know who I am and most of my family. The loss seems to start about six years ago. From that point forward, everything is gone up to the point where I woke up in the hospital after the accident."

"Have any of your physicians given you a reason as to why the memory loss was only up to that particular point?"

"Not really. It seems kinda random."

"Was there an event or a major life change that happened around that time?"

A hint of a smile escaped from the corner of Rick's mouth. "Let's see, my daughter started high school, I killed off Derek Storm, ending a very successful and lucrative series, my mother moved in with us, and I met Kate."

"The reason I ask, is because there's a theory that one of the ways the brain may work is like chapters in a book; that we process and store information in sections marked by monumental milestones. Events like graduation, marriage, birth, moving, career change, and trauma. These moments in our lives help identify who we are, both to others and to ourselves. I am a child. I am an adult. I am a New Yorker. I am a professional. I am a spouse. I am a parent. I am a victim. I am a survivor." The doctor ticked off the examples on his fingers. "I can't help but wonder if perhaps the reason you retained the rest of your memory was because these last years are all in one specific partition of your mind. Possibly, your injuries affected the part of your brain where this specific part of your life was stored."

Rick nodded and Kate was obviously intrigued. It was definitely something to consider.

Over the remainder of the hour, the three discussed their concerns and possible ways to address the matter. The therapist said he'd like to see Kate and Rick each separately and then also together at least once a week for the near future. There was a lot to cover.

In closing, he reminded the couple of something he'd already touched on a couple times during their time together.

"Right now, instead of trying to relive or remember what's passed, focus on the here and now. Try to start fresh. If Rick's memories return, you don't want to look back and feel as if you've wasted all this time fussing with a wound that just needed time to heal. But also, if those memories should be gone for good, there will never be anything that can fully replace that. It's like losing a limb. If you have a leg amputated, focusing how you walked before, won't help you move forward now. Now, you start physical therapy and get crutches or a prosthesis and you learn how to function with what you have. You might still miss what was lost, but at least you don't miss out living a life you still have."

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**A/N: Another Friday... another busy day. Tomorrow I'll be volunteering at my daughter's school, so I'm posting again on Thursday night! **

**FYI... On Monday, I'll be posting two chapters back to back, so make sure to check both out. (I don't do fic spoilers, but trust me, you're not going to want to read 14 without quickly following it with 15).**

**In other news, I've finally finished the entire rough draft of this story, and I can tell you we're a couple chapters over half way through this journey. And from the feedback I've received, I think you'll like the second half, so hang in there!**

**Thank you again, for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!**

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


	14. Chapter 14

**Happy Castle Monday! Are you excited? I am excited!**

**This morning I'm giving you two chapters to read, (Yay!) because they're kinda like a two-parter. Maybe they should have been one long chapter, but I split them when I was writing and I'm sticking with that.  
**

**In Castle tradition, the two-parters are usually quite... nerve wracking, and have fun pair names like "Tick Tick Tick" & "Boom", or "Setup" & "Countdown". I think I might have got the first part taken care of, so maybe these chapters need names too. I think if I were to name them, I'd borrow from red carpet and call them "Dark Night" & "Breaking Dawn"... and I'm not a Batman or Twighlight fan.  
**

**Happy Reading...**

Chapter 14

The time at the therapist's office left Kate feeling a sense hope. The new perspective he encouraged, helped her feel like she finally had a plan of action. They needed to try starting fresh.

Rick sat next to her as she drove through the city. He was staring out the window with a thoughtful expression.

"So what to you think of Dr. Burke?"

He shrugged. "Seems OK."

"But?" She asked.

"He just makes it sound so easy. 'Start over. Don't focus on the past and things you can't change.' But those things make me who I am. How am I supposed to just stop trying to reclaim that? Who am I without that?"

"I think that's why he wants to continue seeing us both individually and together, so we can figure it all out a step at a time."

"Hmmm," Ricked hummed not sounding completely convinced. "So until we meet again, what do you think we should do next? How do we move on?"

"Trial and error?"

"I was thinking more specifically."

They fell quiet as they contemplated the options.

Finally Kate spoke up. "I think we should try dating again. Not recreating old dates with the hope of you recalling something, but plain old simple, get to know you, dating."

"I can do that."

"I can too."

"Do you think that's enough?"

"It's a start."

XXXXXXXXXX

The next afternoon, Kate was sorting the mail when her phone rang. It was Rick, who'd spent the morning with Alexis at the museum.

"Hey!"

"Hi. How's it going?"

"Uh, good. How was the museum?"

"Excellent. Sue the Tyrannosaurs was there, on loan from Chicago."

"I'm sure that made your day."

"It made my week."

Kate chuckled and adjusted the phone against her shoulder, careful not to accidentally hang up.

"But that's not why I'm calling. I uh, wanted to know if you were free tonight?"

"Excuse me?

"Are you available to join me for dinner?"

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Yeah, I was thinking dinner and a movie. I seem to remember you telling me you liked a place called Remy's. And then I thought you might want to see the new Joss Whedon movie."

"Well I do, but I'm guessing not half as much as you."

"Guilty as charged."

"I'd love to Mr. Castle. When will you pick me up?"

"How about six?"

"Great I'll be ready."

XXXXXXXXXX

Dinner was a pleasant blur that helped to ease the tension that had grown between them. Laughter and conversation opened their eyes to the other. Kate again found the carefree man child who charmed her many years ago. Rick discovered that there were more layers to the remarkable woman who shared his life than he could have possibly guessed. His first indication of this was when she ordered her strawberry milkshake with chocolate sprinkles and two cherries, because that was how she'd always ordered her shakes since she was four years old. It was refreshing to see someone who tended to be quite serious, lighten up and let her inner child out. The surprises continued throughout the meal, but the one that affected Rick the most was when she ordered a slice of hot peach cobbler to go.

"Still hungry?" he inquired.

"Nope, I'm stuffed, couldn't eat another bite."

"Then what's up with the dessert?

"You'll see."

The couple left the diner amicably, chatting as they walked side by side. Kate led him down the block and around the corner, to a narrow alley. Without hesitating, she continued down the dark stretch of pavement. She didn't care that she was dressed in designer clothes and wearing expensive jewelry. She never slowed down as she picked her way over puddles of goodness knows what, and skirted around sagging, smelly cardboard boxes. Rick's heart picked up as he sensed their safety waning. _What the hell was she doing?_

Then without warning, she stopped in front of an almost hidden, rusty, red door. She wrapped her knuckles against the metal six times in a distinct rhythm. After several moments, two knocks responded.

"Mama Vi, it's Beckett!" Kate called.

Through Rick's confusion and nerves, Kate calling herself Beckett slapped him with awareness. It was the first time since the accident that he'd heard her refer to herself as anything other than Castle. Maybe it was petty, but he didn't like it. Quickly he swallowed the jealousy down, to pay attention to what was unfolding in front of him.

The door cracked open about four inches, but the only thing that appeared was a small, gnarled hand. Kate placed the carryout container on the weathered palm and then pushed Rick to step back. The plastic box disappeared and the door began to close, but just before it latched, swung back open to allow a small hunched woman to appear.

The old woman coughed for a minute before answering in a thinly veiled Creole accent., "You been gone a long time. I worriez about you girl."

"Sorry Vi, I'm taking some time off. Just wanted to check on you though. Lonzo still around?"

"Sho is. Dat boy ain't too bright but he's gotta good heart."

"And the kids?"

"Dey come 'n go. You know how it is."

Kate nodded. "Well, I may not be at the station for a while, but you know how to find me. Don't hesitate."

"I know. I know." For the first time, the older woman noticed Castle. She nodded. "Writer."

He nodded, not sure of how else to respond.

Mama Vi retreated into the dark behind her, chiding Kate once more as the door closed. "You take care of yourself, girl."

As soon as the door clicked, Kate tipped her head toward the alley entrance, and they retreated back to the street.

"Soooooooooo?" Rick asked, as soon as they could comfortably walk side by side.

"Mama Vi is a special lady. She's given me info on cases now and then, and I keep an eye out for her."

Rick processed the information while they walked toward the movie theater. "The cobbler is a nice gesture, but we could help her out, you know, like really help her."

"She won't accept charity of any sort. Besides, she feels like she's where she belongs. She's kinda the self proclaimed guardian angle of the youngest on these streets. Most kids out here fall through the cracks or are so damaged they don't trust the adults in charge. Mama Vi is different and they all know it. She doesn't rat them out or turn them in, but she's there when they need them. Over the years the only thing she's let me give her was an occasional dessert. She says when a guest brings the hostess a small gift it's only polite to accept, but that's where she draws the line. But if rumors are to be believed, she may not really need the charity anyway. She seems to always get by, no matter how many she's got under her wing."

Rick stopped and questioned her with skepticism.

"I've heard that Vi may be actually Louisa Violet Beaumont, illegitimate child of Alphonse Westvier-Beaumont, a once renowned shipping mogul from New Orleans. Tales tell that her mother, who was a cook for the Beaumont family, died when Vi was a child, but the other house staff raised her as their own. No one knew who the girl's paternity was for sure, but there was always suspicion. Then when she was about fifteen, Louisa found, or was given, some information proving that Alphonse was her father. She took it to him and threatened to show his wife. Apparently that was a secret Mr. Beaumont couldn't risk getting out, so he paid her off with a huge settlement on the understanding that she would leave and never return or contact anyone associated with him."

"You think it's her? That that's true?"

"Could be. She's never said."

"It would make sense."

"Yes, but so does the theory that Mr. Beaumont really had his daughter killed and the illusive Mama Vi just happens to fit the legend. Either way, its none of my business. If she wants me to know, she'll tell me. In the mean time, I just remind her from time to time, that she's got an ally if she ever needs one."

Rick took Kate's hand and then began to walk again. "You're a pretty special woman, you know that Mrs. Castle?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Four dates and two weeks later and Kate didn't know what to think. During therapy sessions or while they made conscious, calculated efforts to improve their relationship, everything seem to look up. But when the day to day hum of life played, reality set back in. It was these times that Kate remembered that she was four and a half months pregnant with the baby of a man who didn't love her. These were the quiet moments when her fears played upon her fragile emotions and she wondered how long the charade could go on before one of them finally broke.

Rain pounded against the windows late that Tuesday evening. Rick was out playing poker with his fellow authors, and Lanie, who was supposed to be over that night, had been called into work. She considered calling Jenny or Becca or some of her other friends, but with them she felt like she had to plaster a smile on her face and be the happy woman she usually was, and tonight she didn't have it in her.

Kate moved out to the balcony and let the chilly downpour devour her. Ever since she was a child, she'd found that sometimes a good cry in the rain could wash away the hurt and confusion. She didn't know if it was that she felt that the rain washed away the problem or if she could just open up and let the downpour mask her tears, but either way, it was one of the ways she'd coped through the years.

Thunder ripped through the sky moments after lightning illuminated it. She tipped back her face and let the soaking deluge cleanse her.

When a siren cried out over the storm, Kate moved closer to the edge to watch as the red and blue lights raced past, on the street below. The squad car whipped around the corner, out of sight, leaving her feeling as if it had taken a piece of her with it.

Absently, she wondered where Ryan, Javi and Lanie were right now and wished she were with them. She missed her job. She missed being a detective and helping those in need. She missed feeling like she was needed and had a purpose. She missed being driven to bring resolution to those families and friends of the city who grieved a unique pain that she understood. Did she miss death and crime? Of course not, and would never wish for either of them. But they were both things that were bound to happen and she knew she could help when they did.

_Why did I ever think taking a sabbatical would be a good idea?_

A tiny flutter danced in Kate's stomach, but she didn't recognize it for what it was, and continued to yearn for the life she'd had only months before.

Kate stood outside until she was chilled to the bone. Only after her teeth chattered uncontrollably, did she move inside to take a hot shower. With the bathroom quickly steaming up, she began to peel the wet clothes off her body. As the soaked garments hit the floor, she couldn't avoid the memory of the last time she'd cried herself out in a storm, and how that turned out. How she raced here to the loft, so afraid she'd lost the most important thing she'd ever had, desperate to finally come to terms with the love she couldn't avoid. That night her dripping clothes also ended up on the floor, as she and Rick tore down the walls between them and made love for the first time.

Tonight she wouldn't have him to warm her. Even if he came back that instant, even if they spent hours in each other's arms, the fire between them was banked, a new wall separated them. She might never know that love again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Wrapped in her thickest robe, Kate stood in front of the mirror combing out her long damp hair. The hot shower had physically returned the heat to her body, but her heart was still cool.

The sound of the front door opening and closing echoed in her ears.

"Hi Honey, I'm hooooooome!" Rick called in a sing song voice.

She didn't answer, but continued to comb through her lengthy locks.

The sound of keys hitting a table then dropping to the floor preceded the telltale thump of a large body hitting the hallway wall.

Moments later Rick appeared, with a sloppy grin and glazed eyes.

"There's my sexy wife."

He tried to swagger toward her but tripped and ended up half lunging instead.

"You're drunk."

"I'm not drunk. I had a drink or two, that's it."

"The doctor told you to still be careful for a while, Rick. You haven't had anything in months, you're still occasionally on pain medication and you're leg isn't always stable. You could have hurt yourself."

"I'm fiiiiiiiiine!" he answered in a sing-song slur.

The stale scent of alcohol and cigars hung off of Rick like cheap cologne. It made Kate's stomach churn.

"Go shower, you're disgusting."

"What!? No kiss for your husband?" He slurred while reaching for the ties of her robe.

She batted his hands away. "Not when you're like this. I'll go make you some coffee, go get cleaned up."

Rick tried to tug on her robe again. "Maybe you should join me. I might need some help."

Annoyance surged through Kate causing her to physically push him back.

He was unphased and not a bit dissuaded. Attempting his best stripper impression, Rick slid out of his cold wet jacket and whipped it above their heads while humming an off key tune that he seemed to be making up.

That was when Kate noticed his shirt. Not only was the cornflower blue button-down untucked and unbuttoned toward the top, but her highly trained, detail oriented eyes immediately honed in on a reddish smear near the collar.

Anger and disbelief froze her in place. The change in her eyes and body language was so instantaneous and intense that it even broke through Rick's jovial haze.

"What's wrong Kate?"

Her jaw worked hard, grinding teeth against teeth. Her fists balled tight enough to cause her sufficient physical pain to keep her from crying. She wouldn't cry, not here, not now. And not in front of him. Evidence of her worst fears danced before her, taunting her with their reality.

How stupid could she have been? This man in front of her wasn't the loyal, devoted husband he was four months ago. He was the carefree playboy she'd met six years earlier, who'd been forced into a marriage he never wanted.

Rick seemed to sober a bit as he watched her. Concern etched every line of his face. Again he asked her what was wrong.

When he reached for her hand, she stepped away as if she'd been slapped.

"Kate, what is it?" Are you mad that I had a couple drinks?"

She turned away and opened her drawers searching for something to wear. She had to get out of there.

Rick watched numbly as she threw on some track pants and a sweat shirt.

When she started to move to the door, he grabbed her shoulders and turned her so she had to look him in the face.

"Please Kate, please, please tell me what's wrong. Whatever it is, I'll fix it I swear. If I did something wrong, I'm sorry. Just please don't be mad."

"Don't be mad? Really? Tell me Rick, since when does poker with James, Dan and Steven require you to get half undressed?"

"Undressed? It doesn't. Who's undressed?"

Kate looked him up and down pointedly, causing him to take stock of his appearance. When he noticed his untucked shirt, he chuckled and pushed the hem back into his pants. "No one was undressed. That must have happened while we were dancing."

"You guys were dancing?"

"Yes, well no, not together. At the party."

Rick could see he was only digging himself a deeper hole. "Let me explain, this sounds bad but it's not. I swear. Why don't you sit?"

"I'm fine where I am. Now if you think you can explain, go ahead and try, but otherwise I need to go."

Rick shoved his hands through his hair and began to pace while he collected his thoughts. Kate saw it as stalling though, and crossed her arms.

"Look, we were at Patterson's place, playing poker when he got a call from his neighbor. The guy, Jonah someone, was having a birthday party for his wife and her brother had come into town and he's like a huge Patterson fan. So Jonah calls James to see if he'd mind stopping by for a minute to meet his brother in law. We decide to all go over and this guy is totally flipping out to meet us, and pretty soon we're all signing napkins and books and kindles and everything..."

"Like women's chests?" Ice dripped from every cold, hard, word of the accusation.

"What? No! No! Nothing like that! Anyway so Jonah, the neighbor, serves us some drinks and invites us to hang out, so we were like, why not? The cards were all sucking anyway. So we just stood around and danced and took a few pictures, but nothing bad. I swear. You can call them. We were all together. No funny business, I swear. I'm a married man, remember?" Rick lifted his left hand to display his ring, as if he had to remind her.

"_I_ remember Rick. The question is do _you_?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then what's up with the lipstick on your collar?" She tugged on the offending material hard enough to make him flinch.

His fingers followed hers to the stained fabric. "I don't know. I really don't. We took some group pictures, maybe someone stood too close?"

Rick found her hands and squeezed them tight, desperate for her to believe him. "Kate, I know I don't remember a lot of stuff about us, and these few months have been harder than I think either of us ever imagined, but you have to trust me when I tell you I would never cheat on you or do anything to intentionally hurt you like this. I just wouldn't."

She relaxed slightly.

"Tell me Kate. Tell me you believe me."

Long seconds ticked by while she absorbed everything he told her. Nothing indicated that he was lying, but even more than that, nothing she knew about him, even "old him", gave her any reason to believe that he would lie to her or betray their marriage.

She tried to release the anger, hurt and tension that only moments earlier had her at the end of her rope. It wasn't easy, but slowly they began to fade. "I believe you."

Relieved, Rick dipped his mouth to hers, but she turned so that his lips landed on her cheek.

She could see the hurt and surprise her movement caused. "I'm sorry, but I just can't right now."

Rick walked away and slumped down onto the bed. Kate leaned against the wall and stared at the fan spinning slowly on the ceiling. Long timeless moments passed as they contemplated the situation they found themselves in.

Eventually Rick finally spoke up. "Why did you think I could cheat on you? You know me better than that."

"Do I?" she answered without thinking. She wanted to take it back but the words were already out there, branding themselves into her husband's mind.

"I sure hope so. I thought you knew me better than I know myself."

"I don't know what I know anymore Rick. Everything has changed. You've changed. I've changed. We've changed."

"What are you saying?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

More heavy silence enveloped them.

Rick stood up and approached her, but was careful not to touch her. "Do you still love me?"

Kate's lip trembled and her eyes burned with hot tears. She had to look away before she completely broke down. "I think so, but it's hard to love someone who doesn't love you back."

Clarity slapped Rick across the face, stealing every ounce of breath from his body.

"What do you want me to say?"

She met his pained eyes with her own. "Nothing you don't mean."

"I never realized... I mean, I'm... I'm still getting to know you. I don't _not_ love you."

"I know Rick. I'm not blaming you. It's not your fault. But it doesn't make it any easier."

"I'm sorry."

"Please don't apologize. You haven't done anything wrong."

"But I'm hurting you."

"No, I'm hurting. You aren't hurting me."

"Can I make it better?"

"I don't know. I guess only time will tell."

"There we go with time again. Time might tell us how things will go, but it doesn't seem to be making anything better. How do we make this work?"

Kate shrugged. If she had the answers, she'd gladly share them. Instead, she stared out their bedroom window while Rick stared at her.

More silent minutes passed until Rick was again the one to break through it. Quietly, almost so quietly that it was hard for Kate to hear, he asked, "Do you want out?"

Kate turned to him, eyes brimming with tears. She opened her mouth to tell him no, but the words got stuck deep her her chest. She tried to shake her head, but froze in a numb paralysis. Her lack of answer was the only answer Rick needed.

"I'm sorry Kate. I never wanted it to be like this."

She took a deep breath that practically choked her. Before leaving the room, she regretfully gave the only answer she could think of, "Right now I just need to be alone."

With that, she was gone. She only grabbed her keys before escaping out the door, heading into the dark, damp night.

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**A/N: I know, I know, you probably hate me right now. I hate me right now. **

**Just please, if you have the urge to throw rotten tomatoes at me, at least read chapter 15 first.**

**Thanks!**

**DeBo81**


	15. Chapter 15

**I know I'm killing you here, but at least I was kind enough to give you the second half right away. Will that buy your love back even a little bit?**

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**(Stana or Nathan's voice) "Previously on Castle, er, um, Previously on Picking Up The Pieces..."**

**_"Please don't apologize. You haven't done anything wrong."_**

**_"But I'm hurting you."_**

**_"No, I'm hurting. You aren't hurting me."_**

**_"Can I make it better?"_**

**_"I don't know. I guess only time will tell."_**

**_"There we go with time again. Time might tell us how things will go, but it doesn't seem to be making anything better. How do we make this work?"_**

**_Kate shrugged. If she had the answers, she'd gladly share them. Instead, she stared out their bedroom window while Rick stared at her._**

**_More silent minutes passed until Rick was again the one to break through it. Quietly, almost so quietly that it was hard for Kate to hear, he asked, "Do you want out?"_**

**_Kate turned to him, eyes brimming with tears. She opened her mouth to tell him no, but the words got stuck deep her her chest. She tried to shake her head, but froze in a numb paralysis. Her lack of answer was the only answer Rick needed._**

**_"I'm sorry Kate. I never wanted it to be like this."_**

**_She took a deep breath that practically choked her. Before leaving the room, she regretfully gave the only answer she could think of, "Right now I just need to be alone."_**

**_With that, she was gone. She only grabbed her keys before escaping out the door, heading into the dark, damp night._**

Chapter 15

When the front door clicked behind Kate's retreating form, Rick broke. He picked up a candle holder off the nightstand and threw it against the bathroom door, snapping the taper and leaving a serious dent in the wood.

"Damn it!" He yelled into the empty room before falling back onto the bed.

Anger flooded him, volleying for control over his pain. He was angry at Kate for accusing him of cheating, for walking out on him, for being unsure if she loved him. It wasn't his fault! He never tried to hurt her. And she told him she knew that, but then why did everything still unfold like it did? He was also angry at himself for unintentionally hurting her, and even more so, for giving her a way out. He didn't want that, so why did he offer her the chance? Rick hated his broken body, that his mind had failed him and that his heart seem to go with it.

_Why can't everything just go back like it was?__Why is everything so out of control?_

He couldn't believe this was happening again. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but he'd been down this road before. He knew how it would end. Another divorce! This was why he never planned to remarry a third time. Obviously he sucked at it. Whatever possessed him to think he could make it work this time?

Rick wracked his brain, trying to bring back even the slightest detail of their past. Maybe if he could remember something, it would be enough to save them. It was all things he knew he should remember. He knew it was still there somewhere, just beyond his reach.

Evidently at one point he'd been so in love that he'd thought they'd survive. There was something about Kate and their relationship that had got him past the heavy baggage of two divorces. Knowing her for even such a sort time, he could understand why. They had a certain chemistry that he couldn't explain; something that just made them mesh. And then there was Kate herself. Who wouldn't love Kate? She was smart, compassionate, feisty, funny, gorgeous, and all around a dream come true... he was obviously the weak link.

He stood and walked to the wall to stare at their wedding photo. They were both so vibrant and alive. It was easy to see the love they shared radiating from every pore.

But now... where had it gone? Was he naïve to even hope to get it back?

The sound of the door shutting behind her, replayed in his head like the reverberating sound of a gun shot in an empty room.

_She left. She actually left._

A hard lump of emotion clogged his throat.

_I'm going to miss her._

That thought stopped his heart for a full second. He would actually miss an ex. That had never happened before. With Meredith and Gina, he'd been relieved that all the bitter fighting and petty behavior was over; he'd been ready to move on. He didn't feel that way this time. Even after only a couple months with Kate, he couldn't picture life being worth much without her by his side.

He wanted her and cared about her. He needed her in his life. And he'd just opened the door for her to walk out.

As everything sank farther in on him, pain began to emanate from somewhere deep in his soul until it threatened to suffocate him. Rick tried to take a deep breath but it came out as a gasp leading into a strangled cry. He didn't recall his body hurting after the accident, as much as his heart hurt right then.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kate walked the dark streets of Manhattan, only half aware of her surroundings. Even at the late hour, people passed her constantly, not a single one caring about the fact that she was crumbling inside.

Her heart constantly flipped and flopped between going back to try to fix things and just coming to terms with reality and moving on.

More than once she'd slowed her steps to turn back, but each time she chickened out. What would going back right now do? She didn't have any answers; she only had hurt. And she knew better than let that guide her into any foolish decisions. So she just kept going, rehashing the night's events in her head; looking for clarity on a situation that was muddied by unfortunate circumstances and raw emotions.

Rolls of anger, fear, disappointment and sorrow crashed over her like ice cold waves until she was beyond the sharpest pain and almost comfortably, deliriously numb.

Kate knew she couldn't trust her heart right now, in any direction. But she needed to make decisions as well. So she moved past her gut feeling and instead tried to rely on her brain.

When re-thinking through every moment of the night didn't help her, Kate tried to look back at their recent lives as a whole. Maybe that would help her know what to do.

Time passed and she kept going, ignoring the cramps in her feet and the dull ache in her back. Only one thing felt clear. They would have made it! She was sure of it. If Rick had never lost his memory they would have been OK!

But now... now everything was different. He was changed. How could she be expected to love a man who was only a shadow of himself? But then again, how could she stop loving him? So much fueled their situation right now, leaving them ready to truly explode. She could very well end up as another ex in the growing list of Castle wives. It was this exact reason why she'd put off their relationship until she was reasonably sure.

So much for that! She should have known better. She was all too aware that life throws curve balls. She had just been so sure they could survive them together. Now life was quite possibly proving her wrong.

Kate continued on through the cool drizzle, meandering through the dark streets, feeling completely and hopelessly lost.

XXXXXXXXXX

As the hours moved forward, the heat of the moment cooled and Rick moved from feeling sorry for himself to worrying about Kate. It was nearing three in the morning and his pregnant wife was... well, who knows where.

He still hurt and was still angry, but he couldn't shake the mental images of news clips he'd seen, horrifying headlines he'd read, or worst yet, his wildly graphic imagination.

Rick reminded himself that she was a cop and quite capable of caring for herself. Hell, she could probably care for herself better than he could, pregnant or not, but still he was concerned.

The more he thought about her in possible danger, the faster his animosity and wounded heart began to lose their hold. When his concern evolved into worry, he couldn't remain still any longer.

First, he tried calling her cell phone, something that he'd been close to doing for more than an hour. On the first ring, he found that she'd left it at home. That only made him worry more. What if something happened? She wouldn't be able to call for help. She might be laying in a dark alley somewhere, calling out for him, seriously wounded, while her blood spilled to the ground.

Rick gave himself a mental shake. _Snap out of it man! She's fine. She has to be._

Doubt clenched at his heart.

_But it won't hurt to look anyway. Just in case._

Despite his personal battle between sensible concern, complete overreacting, and the beating down the occasional demon who simply said, "Who cares, she should have known better", he tried to be rational. He knew that blindly chasing his wife into the nation's largest city without a clue to go on, would likely lead to nothing. And also that even if he did find her, she was probably fine and might not want to see him. The knowledge didn't stop him though. After quickly guzzling a final cup of black coffee, Rick changed, put on his shoes and grabbed his phone, before leaving the Tribeca loft.

XXXXXXXXXX

Not much changed as she walked. She hadn't shed a tear since getting on the elevator of their building. Kate was beyond tears, beyond the pain now. She had been for most of the night. She was just mostly numb. Her heart was already broken. Now she was surviving the only way she knew how, distancing herself until she could think and cope. Under other circumstances, she'd have a drink, even if it was just to help herself relax, but since that wasn't an option, she knew she had to let this strange almost anesthetic stage calm her, so she could think clearly later. They had a big decision to make, or at least she did. Part of her wondered if Rick would even care either way.

Questions paraded through Kate's head. Questions she didn't have answers for.

Was it better to fight a likely downward battle, or cut your losses and move on? Would she ever forgive herself if she made the wrong decision? How would she know what the right decision was? How would her decision affect their baby? Was she being unfair?

As various scenarios ran through her troubled mind, her feet led her forward until she found herself standing in the vestibule of the 12th precinct.

"Detective Beckett?" Desk Sergeant Hillary Volkman asked, breaking through the haze that had held Kate hostage for more hours than she was aware of.

"Uh, hi." Kate glanced at her watch while racing for an excuse for her appearance. It was 4:45 in the morning. Most of the morning shift didn't arrive until eight, but some of the work-a-holics and early risers regularly showed up nearer to six, or sometimes even five, each morning. Of course, there were also some cases that brought officers in even earlier, if they ever left. Knowing that Lanie got called to a case so late the night before, she took a chance. "You don't happen to know if Ryan or Esposito are in do you?"

Volkman relaxed. Apparently the question was normal enough to let her guard down. "They've been in and out all night. I'm not really sure. Want me to call up?"

"No. No, that's OK." Kate planned to make her escape but on a whim she changed her mind. "I'll just go up and check."

"No problem. Good to see you again Detective."

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick's leg throbbed. He hadn't walked non-stop like this... literally, in as long as he remembered. A vacant bench next to a newsstand beckoned to him, and he obliged.

All around him, the city was beginning to wake up in this last pre-dawn hour. The newsstand owner, just feet away, sliced open and organized stacks of newly delivered papers and magazines. The lights toward the back of the bakery/coffee shop across the street flickered on. People began to trickle in and out of the subway entrance at the corner.

After hours of searching, he'd yet to see any sign of Kate. Maybe he should just go home. She was bound to go back there eventually, even if it was just for her things.

Bile rose in his throat. The thought of Kate removing her things from his home, no, from _their_ home, was more than he could handle. He couldn't let her do that. He couldn't just let the woman he loved walk out.

_Wait... Love? LOVE!? That's ridiculous! _Rick tried to dismiss that thought by changing the wording of his mental declaration. _The woman he enjoyed. The woman he cared about. The woman he desired. The woman he needed._ All were true, but not nearly enough for how he felt about her. _But love?_

Is that what he felt for her? Rick wallowed the word around in his head, contemplating all that it meant until at last he was satisfied. In some ways, he felt as if Kate was still a stranger, but not like he had just several weeks back. Over the last four months he'd grown more comfortable with and closer to her than he had been with any other woman, even the ones he's been married to. Maybe stranger wasn't the right word anymore. Maybe enigma was better. Yes, he still had a lot to learn about her, or remember, whichever came first, but he knew who she was, deep in his heart. He knew her smile, her laugh, her heartbreak, her tears, her likes and dislikes, her preferences and habits. He was learning her quirks and idiosyncrasies and yearned to know her even more. He longed to be near her, to see her, hear her, and know all of her. He didn't want to keep secrets from her, not that he had many that he knew of anyway. He wanted to be one with her, in every way.

_Love? _He continued to test in out in his mind, feeling lighter with each passing moment. It may not be a deep, cultivated love yet, but it was real. It was a start. And it was probably long overdue.

She'd stayed by his side for months, nursing him back to health, patiently dealing with his crippled body, failed memory and bad attitudes without ever complaining. She told him and showed him, over and over, how much she loved him without ever getting it reciprocated at all.

Rick felt guilty and foolish. No wonder she was upset.

He needed to find her soon and apologize before it was too late. He'd beg her not to leave him. If given a chance, he would prove that he cares; that he loves her, that he needs her.

Renewed, Rick stood and reached for his phone. He'd try calling the loft again. Maybe she'd gone back home while he was out. But just before hitting dial, his text notification beeped.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kate sat at her desk. In her absence, it had become a catch all for anything people didn't know what to do with. Stacks of blank forms sat on one corner, a jar of dry erase markers occupied the other. She'd moved a pair of empty coffee mugs and a box of stale donuts to the lounge. Just out of curiosity, she checked her drawers, relieved to find them still locked.

The bullpen was empty. More than half the lights were off and all was quiet. She took the opportunity to quietly look around her second home. Kate absently rubbed her belly. If she and Rick split up, would she ever come back? Would she lose both of her homes? She knew he'd make sure she and the baby were taken care of, but if she was a single parent, even with joint custody, could she go back to the long unpredictable hours and inherent dangers her job was so infamous for? Would that be fair to anyone?

The new wave of questions welled up the torment of her soul. Tears began to fall again, but she didn't care. She was alone.

Kate put her arms on her desk and dropped her head to rest on them, letting her heartbreaking sobs win until she fell into an exhausted asleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

_Something down the hall caught Kate's attention. Slowly, she rose to investigate._

_Everything was dark and still, so when a voice spoke she recognized it immediately._

"_Rick?" she called as she picked up speed._

"_No! Kate go back!"_

_Instinctively Kate reached for her gun, but it wasn't there. "Rick! Where are you? What's wrong!?"_

_She now jogged through the corridor, peeking into each room as she went._

_As she approached the end of the hall, two dark figures appeared, Rick and Dick Coonan._

_Kate froze in her tracks as she quickly analyzed the situation. Rick was Coonan's hostage._

"_Nothing to see here Beckett." Coonan cooed. "Run while you have the chance. You're only going to get hurt if you stay.!"_

_Rick nodded, his eyes pleaded with her and he mouthed the words, "Just go."_

"_No way!" she retorted defiantly. "I'm not leaving him here to face you alone."_

_As she said the words, a weight tugged at her chest. Kate took the chance at looking down and saw her badge._

_The familiar leather and brass symbol, bolstered her confidence._

"_Come on Coonan, lets work this out. Put the gun down."_

_He laughed bitterly. "Why Katie? Cuz you love him? Sorry! I don't think your feelings can protect him now!"_

"_I do love him!" Kate's bullet proof vest materialized around her body, snug and secure. "Enough to fight you and any army you have." As the last words left her lips, a cold weight filled her right palm. Her gun. With all the steady confidence she could muster, she raised the piece and aimed directly at Coonan's chest._

"_Kate, please don't." Rick whispered hoarsely, "He's going to hurt you."_

"_Listen to your husband. This is your last chance," Coonan shouted, even more agitated now. _

"_You can't win here. You see, I would do any thing for him, just as he would for me. I would even die for him." Kate cocked the weapon as her finger hovered over the trigger. "Now, put your weapon down."_

_Dick Coonan hesitated for just a brief second; just enough to give Rick an opportunity to headbutt him in the nose. Blood spurted everywhere. He fell back but aimed his gun as he went. Both Kate and Coonan's guns fired. Both men went down, but Kate couldn't see if either was hit._

"_Rick!" she screamed as she ran to him. Coonan never moved. Dark blood pooled under his body._

_Kate cradled her husband's head in her lap. His eyes flickered open cautiously. "What happened?"_

"_He missed. I didn't."_

"_Why didn't you leave when you had the chance? He could have killed you."_

"_He could have killed you too. I had to stay and fight for you, for us. You should know by now I'd never give up on you. Not after everything we've been through. I need you, for better or worse."_

_Somewhere the sound of an elevator dinging startled her, causing Kate to look up._

Kate raised her sleepy head from the desk and looked around the bullpen. For the most part it was still completely empty, but Ryan and Javi were now both at their desks.

Kevin watched her with a worried expression, but Javi was staring toward the elevator. When she followed his stare, her jaw dropped open. Out of the elevator came Rick, carrying a tray with two coffees and a bakery bag.

The scene was so blessedly familiar, it felt normal and right.

As Rick drew closer to her, Ryan and Espo nodded at her husband before standing and walking away. Apparently they were giving them their space.

Before he made it even half way across the room, Kate stood. The sudden movement caused something deep in her belly to bubble. _Hmmmm, must be hungr__y__._

Rick's eyes locked on hers, and all her nerves melted away. He looked so concerned.

"Kate, are you OK?" he asked at the same time she asked, "How did you find me?"

When he got to her desk, he practically dropped the food in the chair so that he could reach for her. Kate stepped into his open arms and welcomed everything about him as he pressed her snuggly to his chest.

For the first time ever, she noticed that the small mound where their baby grew, pressed awkwardly between them. The bubbly fluttering she'd been feeling, happened again, in that exact location, bringing her complete understanding. She could feel their son or daughter moving!

Kate looked up to Rick, ready to ask him if he could feel the movement too, but before she could speak, he captured her lips with his own.

"God Kate, I've been so scared." He hissed against her lips.

"You have?"

"I thought I'd lost you forever. I haven't... have I?" His blue eyes were dark and shadowed with fear.

She felt her heart begin to break again. But this time it was for him, not herself.

"No, Baby, you can't get rid of me that easily. I was upset, but I'm not giving up on us. It may be an uphill battle, but it's a battle worth fighting for. Please forgive me for being overly sensitive and not trusting you and not being open with you."

"Only if you'll forgive me for not..." he paused briefly, staring so intently into her eyes that she felt as if he could see directly into her soul. "...For not loving you like I should."

His words startled her. "What did you say?"

"I asked you to forgive me for not loving you like I should. Or at least not showing you."

"There's nothing to forgive. How could you love me yet? It's only been a couple months. These things take time," Kate soothed as she stroked his temple.

"But I do."

"You do?"

"Yes, I love you Kate." he lightly kissed her bottom lip. "I'm sure it'll need time to really," he searched for the right word, "Blossom. Heck, it took almost losing you, for me to even see that what I feel for you really is love. But it's a start. I don't know a lot, these days, but I do know that."

"Rick..." He cut her off with another kiss; deeper, slower and more intimate than any they'd shared since the accident.

A lone tear rolled down her cheek and over his thumb where he cupped her face.

When they broke apart she dropped her head back to his chest. "I've missed this."

"How can I make it up to you?"

"Just by being here with me," Kate answered as she held tightly to the lapels of his jacket.

Long seconds passed as they held each other. But soon people began trickling into the bullpen, causing them to pull completely apart.

"How did you find me?" Kate asked again.

"I searched the city!"

Kate raised an eyebrow. Surely there was more to it than that.

"And when I couldn't find you, I was about to check back at home, but then I got a text from Ryan. He and Javi found you asleep at the desk and were worried when you just mumbled and wouldn't wake up. They were afraid you'd been sleep walking or something. So I called him back, told him you'd had a long night and to let you sleep. I'd be here soon."

Half a smile lifted up a corner of her mouth.

"And I knew that if I was going to beg you not to leave me, I had better bring gifts. Hence the coffee and bear claw."

"You brought me coffee and a bear claw? Those are my favorites!"

"I know!"

"You remembered!?" Her excitement was evident.

"Well, yes, but not from before. You've ordered the coffee enough times, that I know that. But the bear claw... we grabbed breakfast a couple months ago before one of my ortho appointments, and you ordered it and told me it was your favorite. I guess it just stuck."

"Fair enough, but you still remembered. And I really, really appreciate that. I love you, Rick."

"I love you too, Kate."

"I promise I will never take hearing that for granted ever again."

Just as they were about to kiss again, someone nearby cleared their throat.

The couple turned to see their friends watching them. "Are we interrupting something?"

"Yes!" Rick answered while nodding, just as Kate declared, "No."

The boys smiled at each other knowingly. Just like the good old days.

"Riiiiiight." said Esposito.

Ryan perched on the edge of Kate's desk, careful not to knock over the marker container next to his thigh. "So everything is OK, right? You gave us a little scare."

Kate dropped her head for a second before looking back up at the guys. She took Rick's hand and smiled. "Everything's gonna be fine."

XXXXXXXXXX

Less than five minutes later, Kate and Rick held their steaming coffee cups as they the entered the elevator. Rick wrapped his arm around her and she stepped into his embrace.

"I'm so tired Rick, I just want to go home and fall asleep in your arms."

"I can't think of anything better." He tightened his grip so that he could move his hand to her slight baby bump.

"Oh!" she jumped.

"What!?"

"With everything going on, I forgot to tell you."

His eyebrows lifted high above his wide eyes. But before she could share the news, the doors opened.

Kate pulled him through the station and out onto the front steps which were lit by the sun's early rays. When they stopped, she moved his hand to her abdomen. The baby danced. I doubt you can feel it yet, but the baby's been moving. I can feel it!"

Rick stayed completely still for what seemed like two solid minutes, a smile plastered to his expectant face. When he gave up, he dropped to one knee, took Kate's belly between his hands and pressed his lips to her.

"Rick, stop. What are you doing? Get up. Someone might see you." She tried to pull his shoulders, but they both knew it was only half-hearted.

"Hey little one. This is your Daddy talking. I know I haven't met you or hugged you or kissed you yet, but I just want you to know that I love you very much. And so does your Mommy. And you need to know that no matter what happens, we always will. OK, Kiddo?"

Kate felt the tiny flutter once again. "I think he or she knows."

Rick stood. "Good. Now Mrs. Castle, let's go home."

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**A/N: Whew! Rick and Kate have finally turned the biggest corner in this journey to recapture their life together.**

**Now the pressing question is... Do you still want to kill me? (Ducking, just in case you're slow to forgive)**

**OK, well, I'll post again Wednesday and we can see where life in the Castle house goes, now that the King and Queen are on the same page again.**

**Until then, happy reading and enjoy tonight's episode!**

**DeBo81**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The following days weren't easy for Rick and Kate, but they were better. Kate tried to be more patient and Rick, more understanding.

At the next appointment with Dr. Burke, they told him everything that had happened the night of the fight, while holding each other's hand. He took notes and nodded but let them continue without interruption.

When they finished, the doctor sat back and smiled, "If you two keep communicating like this, you won't need me anymore."

Kate shook her head. "I wouldn't go canceling our appointments just yet. We still have a long way to go."

"Yes you do, but you're on the right path and that's important. Foundations set up our futures. By communicating, and being willing to take small, important steps now, you're strengthening yourselves for hopefully a strong, positive, lasting relationship later."

How could they argue with that?

"Now tell me. Are you still going out on dates with each other?"

Rick sat forward, "We haven't been out since... the fight, but last night Kate made a bunch of popcorn and nachos and we had a movie marathon. Does that count?"

"Certainly. There's no rule that says you have to go out to date. The important thing is that you spend quality time together. That you enjoy each other's company, and get to know each other again. If you're going to be comfortable in your marriage you have to be comfortable with each other." He paused and tapped his pen on his paper before continuing. "How is your sex life?"

Rick dipped his attention to the floor and Kate was suddenly engrossed by her hands.

"Don't both talk at once." Burke quipped.

Kate, who definitely felt more relaxed talking to the doctor, finally looked up and answered. "Right now we don't have much of a sex life. We've been together a few times, like we talked about last week, but nothing more really. It just hasn't felt right yet."

"And don't rush it. Time is on your side." The therapist scribbled down a few more notes before looking back at them. "Question. Despite the absence of sexual intimacy, are you continuing to share a bed?"

"Yeah." Rick nodded. "That's not been a problem."

"Excellent! But now I'm going to change things up a bit. Do you guys have a spare bedroom?"

They shook their heads yes, but it was evident that neither liked where this was headed.

"Wonderful! Starting tonight I'd like you two to start sleeping separately." The couple gaped openly as he spoke. "I know this may sound counter productive, but there's truth to the adage, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' And I think it will ring true for you. In many ways, you've started your relationship over. You're dating again. You're feeling each other out. Many dating couples still in this stage, go back to their own homes and own beds at the end of the night. So that's basically what I'd like you to try. At the end of the day, I want you to feel less encumbered by the marriage status hanging over you right now. Take some of that pressure away."

Rick scoffed. "You want one of us to move into a different room?"

The doctor nodded. "Yes, a different room, not out of the house. Pack up some toiletries and your clothes and put some distance between yourselves."

"For how long?" Kate asked, clearly unhappy with the idea.

"We'll take it a week at a time, discuss how things are progressing at each session. Now, that being said, don't let this stop you if the mood should arise. If you're feeling amorous, by all means act on it. Visit each other's room. Maybe even invite the other to stay over night if you want. I'm not trying to keep you apart. I just want to help you feel free from any expectations or pressure or guilt that you may be putting on yourself or may feel from each other. Make sense?"

"Yeah, actually. It kinda does."

"Fantastic. Well I think we're out of time for today, but Rick I'll see you Wednesday, and Kate you on Thursday."

XXXXXXXXXX

"I don't like this," Rick pouted as he carried an armload of clothes up the stairs.

"I said I'd take the guest room." Kate countered, as she followed with a duffel bag and his pillows.

"Not that. The sleeping arrangements in general. I like sharing our bed. You're warm."

"I thought I was a blanket hog."

"You are, but that's probably why you're also so nice and warm."

Kate reached out and swatted her husband's rear just as he reached the top step. "It's only temporary, and I think it might work. Dr. Burke has good ideas."

"I sure hope so."

Once in the guest bedroom, they tossed all the stuff they'd carried onto the bed. Then Kate approached Rick and encircled his waist with her arms. "Best case scenario, it works quickly, and we're back to our "new" normal in a few days, happier and stronger than ever. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work and we've spent a couple weeks sleeping a floor apart and we try something new."

"I know. Still doesn't mean I have to like it."

Kate stood up on her tip toes to peck Rick's lips. "No it doesn't."

In the quiet, dim room, the couple stood, breathing in sync and lost in thought.

Rick rested his cheek on her head. "Am I dork if I say I'll miss you?"

"Yes, but then I'm a dork too."

They continued to just be together until Kate yawned so deeply that it made Rick chuckle. "I think you need to go get some sleep."

"Mmmmmm probably. I just need five more minutes with you."

XXXXXXXXXX

The first night apart felt awkward for both of them. Rick had a hard time falling asleep and Kate had difficulties staying asleep. By morning they both were exhausted. Over breakfast they commiserated in wondering if this little experiment was really worth it.

Over the next couple nights the new arrangement became more routine but no more enjoyable. When Rick complained though, Kate reminded him that that was sort of the point, to build desire for companionship. He assured her he had plenty of desire already, but no longer tried to talk her out of the plan.

When Kate complained, Rick just quoted her own reasoning back to her, which quickly shut her up.

By the time the weekend rolled around, they found themselves making excuses to stay up later, inevitably putting off the time when they parted.

Rick was in "his" room putting away laundry when Kate wandered in.

"You up for a movie marathon?" she asked.

"You've been yawning since the Jakobsons left. Wouldn't you rather get some sleep?"

"It's not even eleven."

"But you're tired."

She shrugged, neither admitting or denying the fact. "What are you planning to do?"

"I don't know. I should probably write."

"Oh."

"Yeah, nothing exciting."

Kate began hanging Rick's clothes in the closet, but they knew it had less to do with helping and more to do with stalling.

It was strange how, not long ago they had a hard time being in the same room together because of the tension, and now that they were told to stay apart, they didn't want to go.

"You know," he offered. "I could write from the couch downstairs, and if you wanted to sleep next to me until I went to bed, that wouldn't be breaking any rules or anything.

"No it wouldn't would it. Later we'd just go back to our own beds."

"Right."

"Let me go put my PJ's on and I'll meet you down there."

Ten minutes later Rick was settled in on one end of the couch, feet propped up, laptop turned on, and Dr. Pepper and pretzels within reach. Kate was sprawled out next to him with her pillow against his thigh and a lightweight blanket tucked around her.

"Just wake me when you go to bed, K?"

"Will do," he answered with a smile before bending to kiss her soft lips. "Good night."

XXXXXXXXXX

The next morning Kate woke with a groan. Her entire body ached as she stretched to unwind her stiff muscles. When she did so though, her hand smacked directly into Rick's face.

"What'd I do?" He asked startling awake.

Kate sat up slowly on the couch. "I thought you were going to wake me up."

"I was, when I went to bed. But it looks like I forgot to go to bed."

Rick took stock of everything, and found his laptop on the floor under his feet.

"Is your computer OK?"

"Yeah," he said after looking it over. "I think so. Are you OK? You look... stiff."

"I am. I think I need to go soak in the tub with the jets on full blast."

"Sounds like a good idea. And I'm sorry I didn't wake you up. Can I make it up to you by cooking breakfast?"

A sleepy smile played at Kate's lips. "I guess I could forgive you then. Especially if you make bacon. The baby really, really wants some bacon."

"The baby, huh?"

"Of course! Who else would want it?"

Rick laughed and headed into the kitchen. "Right, cuz you hate the stuff!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Kate shifted the bath pillow behind her head before sinking even farther into the warm bubbling water. Every muscle had now relaxed and her skin tingled. If she wasn't so hungry she'd probably have already been soothed back to sleep.

A light knock wrapped on the door, before Rick poked his head around the corner. "How's your bath?"

Kate fairly purred with contentment. "Delightful."

Rick's blue eyes danced, "Is it OK if I come in?"

Not sure exactly if he meant into the bathroom or into the tub, Kate hesitated, but a surprising warmth deep within her made up her mind no matter his intent. "Sure."

The door opened all the way as he entered with an overloaded tray. Carefully, he placed it on the wide stone shelf that surrounded the tub. "I know you've got to be starved, but I didn't want to call you away from you bath, soooooooo," Rick presented the tray with a flourish of his wrist. "Breakfast is served."

"My lord Rick. There's enough food there to feed an army."

"Well, I wasn't sure what 'the baby' would want besides bacon so, I whipped up a few things."

Rick picked up a crisp slice of bacon and held it just out of Kate's reach.

She grabbed for it quickly, splashing them both in the process, but he was faster.

"Nuh uh, you'll get it all wet and soggy. Here." He moved the fragrant strip closer to her mouth and watched her watch him.

Her lips quirked before parting, allowing him to feed her.

As she chewed, her eyes rolled back. "Mmmmmm that is so good."

Rick adjusted himself where he perched on the edge and then rested a finger from his empty hand on her lips.

"If you want more food, I'd stop moaning like that. I only have so much will power."

The full depth of his words washed over her like a slow caress. And if she hadn't been sure of his meaning, the way his eyes darkened, said it all.

It had been a couple weeks since they'd been together, but months since he'd made her feel this way. Yearning collided with trepidation in her heart, leaving her unsure of how to continue.

When she didn't say anything, he looked away. "Breakfast is getting cold."

Quickly he folded the rest of the bacon slice into his mouth and then picked up a plump raspberry to offer.

Kate felt ridiculously pampered as he continued to feed her OJ, fruit, french toast, bacon and spoonfuls of yogurt.

"Enough! I can't eat another bite, not only am I stuffed, but I'm turning into a prune."

Rick pointed to the corner of her mouth. "Wait. Before you get out, you've got a little yogurt right here."

Before she could wipe away the tiny smear, Rick bent and pressed his lips to hers, darting his tongue out to taste it.

Desire filled her from scalp to toes.

Kate tipped her head back, changing the angle of their kiss, allowing him full access to her mouth. A low moan erupted from her chest, this one much more primal than before.

Rick slid his hands down over her wet body, under her arms, so that he could help her out of the water.

When Kate reached for the towel, he grabbed her hand to stop her and then simply stared. "You are so beautiful."

Self consciously, she moved her other hand over her belly, as if the swollen mound was something to hide.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Cover your abdomen. You aren't embarrassed are you?"

"No, I'm just getting bigger. I don't feel very beautiful."

"You become more lovely every day, Kate. Come here."

Rick led her to the vanity and turned her to face the mirror. He stood behind her and wrapped his left arm around her waist so that his hand cupped the side of her baby bump. With his right hand he touched a finger to her cheek and let it graze down the side of her face, neck, collar bone and naked curves until it cupped the other side of her stomach. "Frankly, I've never seen anyone so extraordinary."

Something about that moment, standing nude in Rick's arms, staring at their reflection, really seeing proof of the life they'd created, broke down a wall Kate hadn't realized she'd erected.

When he kissed the side of her neck, her knees buckled, causing her to dig her nails into his arms.

She closed her eyes, and tipped her head back against his shoulder, as his hands explored.

She was ready for this again. She wanted him and needed him. And she knew that this time she wouldn't be left disappointed in the wake.

Kate turned in his arms so that she could face Rick. She needed to kiss him and feel connected to him. But before their lips could meet, he whispered softly, "I love you Kate."

Finally, she felt as if she was with her husband again.

**X**

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**A/N: Hello! I just want to take a minute to thank you guys for the lack of tossed vegetation on Monday. I'm so excited to see how many of you trust me and are on board with me. Sometimes I think, "I shouldn't put that, they'll kill me". But in this case, I just felt it was an important bottoming out that was needed for the characters and the story.**

**Many, many, many of you have asked or commented on the return of Rick's memory, and the only thing I'll say is... keep reading. I haven't been ignoring your comments or questions, I'm jut, biding my time. I'd hate to give stuff away, especially at this point. We've come so far already! There's only seven chapters left, and that's only about two weeks of posting. I hope you'll be willing to give me that last little amount of time to let the story unfold in it's own timing. If I told you now, yes he gets it back, or no he never does, I'd be taking something away from you. So thank you for your patience and understanding. You can either thank me or yell at me later! :)**

**Thank you so much for all your support!**

**Until Friday,**

**DeBo81**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

After reuniting, Kate and Rick found sleeping apart even harder. More often then not, someone "visited" the other for the night, unless exhaustion claimed them first.

Once two weeks of the experiment were completed, Dr. Burke gave them the green light to resume living together as a married couple at all times, sending them into a surprising honeymoon phase that neither expected. Late nights of laughing and loving, led to late mornings sleeping in each other's arms.

It was one of those late mornings when Kate woke up in a panic. "Babe, get up! My alarm didn't go off, it's almost ten."

"So," he mumbled into his pillow.

"My ultrasound is in less than an hour. Alexis should be here any time."

Rick rolled to his back and ran his hands across his face. "Crap. OK, I'm up. What do you need me to do?"

"I gotta get in the shower, and I should have already started drinking all that water they told me to drink."

"Can you eat?"

"Yeah, but I won't have much time."

"I'll go grab you a water bottle and then text Lex and see if she'll pick up some bagels on her way in. Then if I have time, I'll run upstairs and hop in the shower."

The pair scrambled quickly, and by the time Alexis was letting herself in, Kate was tying her hair back, and Rick was finishing getting dressed.

"I'm here," Alexis called back toward their bedroom. "And I brought food."

Kate grabbed her second water bottle of the morning and headed out to greet her step daughter. "Thank you soooooo much, Lex. We totally overslept."

"Glad I could help." She passed the expectant mother a paper plate. "Here you go, vanilla bean bagel with strawberry cream cheese."

"Mmmmmmm, perfect. Thank you."

Rick joined the women and took the cinna-raisin almond bagel for himself. And then handed his daughter a twenty.

"It's fine dad. I can swing a half dozen bagels."

"I know. Just take it."

Kate nodded, and Alexis sighed but took the cash. "Are you guys sure you want me there with you today? If you've changed your mind, I won't be offended."

Kate covered the younger woman's hand and squeezed. "Of course we're sure. This is your baby brother or sister. We want you to be there! That is... if you want to be. I don't want to pressure you."

"No, I'd love to find out the gender with you."

Rick grabbed the bagel bag and some more water bottles, "Then we gotta go now, or none of us will be there."

XXXXXXXXXX

Kate jumped from the coolness of the gel that the technician squirted on her exposed belly. "I thought you guys warmed that stuff."

"We do, but the warmer in here is broken. Sorry. It wasn't too bad was it? I warmed it in the other room a while ago."

"No, just surprised me."

The woman who introduced herself as Morgan moved the wand over Kate's skin as she watched the monitor. "Doctor's orders all look standard. Are we planning to find out the gender today?"

Kate nodded and smiled at Rick and Alexis who were standing against the wall about a foot away. "I didn't want to at first, but now I can hardly wait."

"Yay! That's how I was too. I wanted to pick out names and clothes and decorate the nursery as soon as possible!" The tech turned the screen so everyone could see while she talked. "First I'll get the measurements and info your doctor needs and then we'll have some fun. We'll see if Little One here will show off."

The Castle family shared mutually radiant smiles.

Morgan flipped a switch on her machine and the sound of the baby's heat beat thrummed through the room. Then she pointed to the screen with her free hand. "This is your baby's heart. And as you can see and hear, it's got a nice strong, steady rhythm at about 151."

"That seems fast." Rick mentioned.

"Not for a baby. Normal is about 120 to 160 beats per minute. So its perfect."

As she continued to work, Morgan occasionally pointed something out, a particular movement or a features of the baby's face. They were all in unanimous agreement that the newest Castle would be blessed with Rick's chin and Kate's nose.

"Alright. Now for the fun. Ready to find out if you've got a son or another daughter?"

The tech moved the wand around quite a bit and then pouted. "Looks like we're shy."

"Oh no." Kate sighed.

"Don't worry yet. I've got some tricks. Looks like Jr is sleeping. Let's see if we can give 'em a wake up call. Can you turn on your side toward me? The shift in position might do it, and if it doesn't, we'll just count some fingers and toes from this angle before you roll back."

Kate did roll to her side and they all got to see the baby's crossed legs and feet from a different angel, before she focused on the baby's hands and face.

"Look Dad, it looks like it's giving us the peace sign." Alexis laughed.

After a couple minutes Kate went back to her back. Morgan poked her belly, but the baby was still sleeping. "There's a little movement. Look, he or she is rubbing their eyes." The baby squirmed a bit, but essentially stayed put. "Kate, you think if I let you get up, you could go use the bathroom? Your bladder is pretty full. We might get more movement if there's more room."

A quick trip to the bathroom proved to be exactly what they needed. When Kate was again settled on the exam table, the baby had woken up and was sucking its thumb.

"Lets try this again, it looks like baby shifted some."

Morgan slowly moved the wand in circles until the baby's bottom came into view. "Before you ask, that's the umbilical cord not a penis."

Kate and Alexis both glanced at Rick with laughter in their eyes. It was evident that that was what he'd assumed and he was disappointed.

"So it's a girl?" Kate asked softly.

"Not sure yet. The foot is still blocking the view.

Kate took a deep breath and blew it out her lips, as she tried to stead her excitement.

Then suddenly the baby stretched and kicked about four times in quick succession.

"Ooo" Kate squeaked.

"Did you feel her?" The tech asked as she clicked some buttons, pausing the screen.

"Yeah, I...wait. Did you say_ her_?"

Rick stepped forward and took Kate's hand. Alexis moved in closer too.

"Yup. See right there," a new arrow shaped curser appeared on a screen. "Definitely a girl!"

"We're having another daughter!" Kate cried.

Rick tried to answer her, but was completely choked up. Instead he kissed her forehead and then hugged Alexis who was practically bouncing.

"I'm gonna have a baby sister. I cannot wait. I've wanted one since I was five! Wait til Gram finds out. She'll buy every dress in the city."

Morgan took several more still pictures, carefully labeling each one.

"Can we see her face again?" Rick asked as things were wrapping up.

"Sure."

The tiniest Castle female was again sleeping, this time while chewing on the back of her wrist.

"I can't wait to hold her." Rick whispered.

"I can't wait to kiss her little head." Kate replied.

The tech turned the monitor back around and began printing pictures and saving the disk.

Rick turned to Lex. "You wanna go call Gram while Kate gets cleaned up?"

She didn't need to be asked twice. She was too excited to keep the news to herself. Alexis grabbed her purse and hurried from the room.

Soon Kate and Rick were alone in the room while she adjusted her clothes and gathered her things.

He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. "I noticed you said that we're having _another_ daughter. I love that you love Alexis as your own. I know she does too."

"How could I not love her?"

"You're such a great mother."

"I hope I will be."

"You already are."

XXXXXXXXXX

Alexis had a dentist appointment not long after the ultrasound, so she grudgingly said goodbye soon after leaving the obstetrician's office.

"I'm not ready to go home yet," Rick announced.

"What do you want to do?"

"I wanna go shopping, for the baby." He reached out and rubbed Kate's stomach.

"I kinda do too. There's a place called Giggle over on Wooster, that I've heard about. Let's go!"

The next three hours were spent browsing, shopping and registering.

Rick was immediately intrigued with every toy and gadget that New York City's trendiest newborns now needed. Every few minutes he showed Kate something that "the baby" just had to have, and almost as often, repeated a variation of the phrase, "Everything has changed so much since Alexis was a baby."

Kate was mildly overwhelmed by everything in the store until she found a nursery set that she fell in love with. The pink, gray and white silhouette theme of blossomed cherry trees, birds and butterflies literally stole her breath. She ran her hands over the smooth white crib and the soft bedding, and was able to picture her daughter sleeping there.

Rick approached her from behind with a teddy bear that played sounds from the womb, but when he notice her expression, he stilled and simply enjoyed the moment.

"Find something you like?"

Not having heard him approach, she jumped a little before turning to him. "I did. What do you think?"

He noticed that she pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth. She was nervous that he wouldn't approve. He loved that he understood these little things about her now.

"I think it's beautiful. Modern colors, classic design, whimsically childish while remaining delicately feminine."

"It feels right."

"It does doesn't it? Lets get it."

"Right now? This is the first place we've looked."

"Do you love it?"

"I do."

"Do you think you'll find anything you love more?"

Kate thought about it but ended up shaking her head. Her smile grew with every second. "No. I don't think I will."

"Then why wait?"

When the couple eventually left the store, it was with five bags of clothes, crib bedding and toys, and a large order of furniture and room décor placed for later delivery.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Where have you been?" Martha greeted them the moment they entered the loft.

"Hello to you as well, Mother."

"Well, hello, but you haven't answered me. I've been waiting here for an hour. Alexis said you were almost done at the doctor even before lunch."

"We were, but heaven forbid we decided to make a couple stops." Rick placed their bags on the floor and stepped into his mother's hug.

"I'm sorry Dear. I'm just excited to welcome my newest granddaughter."

"You do realize we haven't had her yet, right?"

"Don't be smart with me Richard, you know exactly what I mean. Now, I see you've already been shopping, so I hope you don't mind, but I've picked up a couple things too."

Kate and Rick shared a knowing smile. Neither one was surprised by Gram's announcement.

Martha then proceeded to pull out a blanket, three outfits and an adorable stuffed hedgehog.

After looking through all the new baby things, Martha asked, "So which room is going to be the nursery?"

Although a simple question, it left Kate a little off guard. She'd assume the baby would sleep in a bassinet in their room at first, but never really thought out many details past that.

"I don't know. I hate to have her upstairs when we're down here."

"When Alexis was little, her room was upstairs and ours was down here, but in reality, I probably spent more nights in the guest room next to hers, than down here, at least until she was about four or so."

"I don't want one of us to constantly be upstairs."

"What if both of us were constantly up there? Now I'm just thinking on the fly here but, what if we made Alexis' old room the nursery and Mother's old suite, our room. The little guest room is still available for company. And then we could turn our room down here into a play room."

"That sounds like a marvelous plan!" Martha cooed. Visions of redecorating were evidently already running through the sassy woman's head.

"I don't know. Do we have time? We've got less than five months, and that includes the holidays."

Rick ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't see that being a problem. If we start upstairs, even if its not done by the birth, it's not a big deal cuz she'll be in with us in the beginning, anyway. Then when the bedrooms are done, we'll all move upstairs. The play room can be started afterward. It's not like she'll need it for another year or so anyway."

Excitement began to bubble in Kate. It did make sense. And it would give her something to do. She hadn't mentioned anything to Rick, but being home all day, everyday, was a little boring when she didn't have something specific to occupy her.

"OK well, I think that's a plan then!

XXXXXXXXXX

At six o' clock that night, Kate's alarm on her phone went off. She scrambled to her purse to grab her cell and make the call she'd been waiting all day to make.

On the second ring, Jim Beckett answered.

"Hey Katie!"

"Hey Dad! How are ya doing?"

"Good. Just got home. These merger meetings are gonna make me pull my hair out though. Hopefully by next week the details will finally be in place."

"I'm sorry it's not going well. At least it looks like things are finally wrapping up."

"You're telling me. So how are my favorite daughter and son-in-law doing today."

"We're doing great. We got some news today."

"Oh yeah? What?"

"You're going to have a granddaughter!"

Complete silence caught Kate off guard. "Dad, you till there?"

Jim sniffed and then cleared his throat. "Yeah I'm here. I just needed a second. My little girl is having a little girl. That's a big moment for a dad. Almost as big as giving you away on your wedding day. I'm so happy for you guys, Baby. I may be biased, but experience tells me, daughters will drive you crazy with drama and worry, but they'll warm your coldest days with a smile or hug. Trust me, every single moment will be a wonderful adventure."

"Dad, you're going to make me cry."

"Well, turn about is fair play. So now what's my new title going to be? Grandpa? Grandad? Pops?"

"Martha is already Gram to Alexis, so I thought Papa might be good for you."

"Papa," he tested. "Papa Beckett. Papa Jim. Papa. Yeah I think that works. I feel like a Papa. You know, my license plates are up for renewal and I've been thinking about getting vanity plates. I think Papa Jim would be perfect."

"I think you're a nut, but I love you even more because of it."

"I love you too... Mommy."

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**A/N: What do ya know? A Friday post ACTUALLY on a Friday! Unbelievable!**

**Quick question, answer in the reviews and I'll go by majority. Next week there is no new Castle so that we can all get our OCD fix :(. Would you guys rather that I continue on my normal posting schedule which would take us through next week and the week after. Or would you prefer that I post every weekday next week, which would put the final chapter on our next Castle Monday? I'd have to really push to complete the editing on time, but I believe it is possible.**

**So tell me if you want "Next week to be all fic all the time." or "Let's keep it the same and enjoy it all slowly."**

**Have a great weekend!**

**DeBo81**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Rick carried two large bowls of ice cream, topped with chocolate, caramel, slivered almonds and whipped cream, into the living room where Kate sat with a notebook in hand.

"Brain storming fuel," he stated as he handed one to his wife.

"Really? Like I'm not getting bigger fast enough already."

Rick shot her a disproving look. "I know, I know, it's the baby. It's normal, I'm not fat." Kate took a generous spoonful of the sinful dessert and rolled her eyes back in pleasure. "But I will be if I keep eating like this."

"Hardly!"

Kate took another bite before putting her bowl down. "So, I was thinking maybe the best way to do this is just for us to throw names out there and as long as the other one doesn't hate it, we'll write it down and see what we've got. Then we can narrow it down from there."

"OK. I like that. How about Ava?"

"Oh, yeah I really like that." Kate had two columns on the paper labeled "K" and "R". She wrote Ava under "R". "Um, I really like Claire or Clara."

"I like Claire a bit better, but either work. How about Gwendolyn?"

Kate wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Not a fan."

"Well then how about Abigail? I like Abigail."

Kate nodded and continue to scribble names on the paper.

"Lillian? We could call her Lilly"

They continued on adding Molly, Julia, Eve, Tessa, Adeline and Olivia to the list.

Rick paused before making his next suggestion. He wasn't sure how it would go over. "How do you feel about Barrett as a middle name?"

"Barrett? For a girl?"

"You know Alexis' middle name is Harper. I love it because of the literary reference, but also because it's kinda fun and funky and different. I was hoping that maybe we could do something like that with this baby. Give her a sweet, beautiful, feminine first name, and then something a little more 'uniquely us' for a middle name. Like Lillian Barrett Castle."

Kate scrunched up her eyebrows. "I don't know. At first I was like, no way, but when you put it with a first name, I kinda like it. I'll add it to the list. Do you have any more funky literary names you want to add?"

"Maybe." He grinned mischievously.

By the time their ice cream was finished and their ideas exhausted, they'd compiled a decent list to choose from.

"OK," he said as he leaned back and closed his eyes. "Read the whole thing to me and let's see what we've got."

"My suggestions are:

Claire or Clara

Lillian or Lilly

Julia

Megan

Tessa

Olivia

Bethany

Alice

Eliza

Tabitha

Josie for Josephine

Lila

Sadie

Avery

and Diana

Your suggestions are:

Ava

Abigail

Molly

Eve

Adeline or Addie for short,

Barrett

Keene

Bronte

Austen

Emerson or Emry

Maya

Nora

Paige

and Hadley"

"Wow that's a lot of names."

"I know, and I really like a lot of them."

Rick scooted over and wrapped her in a huge bear hug. "We'll just have to have a lot more babies so we can use them all."

"I don't think so, Dear."

"You don't want to have more kids?"

"Can I get through this pregnancy first?" Kate rubbed her belly slowly and smiled.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. I just get a little excited."

"I know. So do you want to try narrowing this down now or..."

Rick's phone buzzing interrupted Kate mid sentence. She watched as he checked the text and frowned.

"What?" she asked.

"It's Paula. She says, and I quote, 'Cat's out of the bag. Press calling, Ready to make announcement?' I'm assuming she means about the baby."

"Do you think the press is really calling or is she just ready for headlines?"

"I'm guessing they're calling. After all, we did spend the day in a baby boutique and you are showing now."

"I'm not really showing." She stood and fluffed her top out over her stomach and looked down. "My clothes still hide it. Right?"

"To be honest," Rick lifted her shirt and massaged the defined bump, "You do look pregnant. Gorgeous and glowing and in great shape, but still pregnant."

Kate huffed. "Fine, tell her to roll with the statement we worked on."

Rick typed quickly. When he put the phone back down, he was practically glowing.

"What now?"

"Oh nothing really. It's not every day you get to announce to all of New York City, that the most beautiful woman in the world is having your baby."

"You're incorrigible, you know that, right?"

"No, I'm encourageable." He waggled his eyebrows, pulled Kate into his lap and nuzzled her neck and collar. "Now come here and encourage me some more."

XXXXXXXXXX

The next morning Kate went to the door to grab the paper while Rick began making pancakes. Out of habit, she turned to the police beat first, but by the time she was sitting at the table, she'd remembered about the text from Paula the night before.

Experience had taught her that news moved faster than anyone expected it to, so she flipped over to the Ledger's celebrity gossip columns. A third of the way down the page was a picture of her and Rick waiting for a cab, outside of Giggle. He was carrying all but one shopping bag and she was looking up at him smiling, with a hand on her surprisingly obvious stomach. Once she was able to drag her eyes from the photo, Kate called to Rick, "Paula works fast. Listen to what the Ledger says...

'Cribs for Castles? Best Seller Royalty Prepare for Heir'

After being spotted yesterday, leaving Giggle, one of Manhattan's trendiest baby boutiques, a spokesperson for famed novelist Richard Castle and wife, Detective Kate Beckett, has confirmed that the couple is expecting their first child in February of next year. Castle and Beckett have been linked since 2009 when she became the inspiration for the best selling Nikki Heat book and movie series.

The author was the talk of the town earlier this year, when he rescued a child from a hit and run accident, that left him severely injured. Castle seems to be fully recovered now though, as he and Beckett stock up for their newest family member.

Beckett is reportedly on a one year sabbatical from the NYPD, which began in May, just before her husband's accident.

You can find the latest Nikki Heat book, 'Heat Of The Day', in stores everywhere."

Kate let the paper fall to the counter. "I know we agreed to make the announcement, but can you imagine if everyone had their business out there like this? They could fill the paper every day with birth announcements alone!"

"I know, we're just lucky I guess."

Kate rolled her eyes.

"Hey, it could have been a lot worse. They didn't post any awkwardly unflattering pictures or question the baby's paternity. I've seen that happen way too much. We were smart to let Paula feed the media dogs before they dug up, or worse, made up trash."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I don't think I'll ever get used to it."

"And yet you stay by my side, even when it's in the spotlight. That's true love."

XXXXXXXXXX

A week later Kate was laying on the couch with a cold cloth over her eyes when Rick came home from a lunch date with Alexis

"Hey Honey." He kissed her cheek as he sat on the couch next to her. "You OK?"

"Headache, and I can't take anything that will help."

A loud bang came from upstairs, followed by the metallic clang of tools hitting the floor. Kate flinched.

"Are the workmen starting the renovations already?"

"Mmmmmhmmmm."

"But I didn't think that was supposed to be til next week."

"They had a job cancel and were able to move us up."

"And they've been making noise like this all day?"

"Pretty much."

He kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry. Let me see what I can do."

"No, don't stop 'em Babe. I just want them to be done with the bathrooms so Astrid can come and begin decorating."

"No, I agree. Lets get it over with. You just rest and I'll be back."

Kate must have dozed off, because when she woke up, it was to the scent of Chinese take out and the blessed sound of silence.

"Dinner is served," Rick announced as he spread out a dozen styrofoam containers across the coffee table. She sat up slowly and removed the cloth from her head.

"Feel any better?"

"A bit. Are they gone?"

"Yeah, they were packing up when I went in to check on them."

"Oh thank God!"

Rick handed her a box of shrimp spring rolls. "Do you have plans in the next week or so? Any appointments or anything?"

"Not really. We don't see Burke again til the week after next. Tomorrow night I'm meeting the girls for coffee, and then Saturday I was going to get my hair and nails done."

"Can you reschedule?"

"I guess, but why?"

"While you were sleeping, I made some calls. The contractor figures he'll be done by Friday, but can't promise. So I thought I'd get you outa here for a while until things quiet down again. Between the noise and the smells, you have to be miserable."

"But shouldn't someone be here while they're working?"

"We can lock up anything small and valuable, but I trust these guys. The building has used them since before I moved in. We'll have Ernie hold our mail, and maybe ask Javi to come by a couple times just to check things out. What do say?"

"Well, where would we go?"

"Anywhere you want to. Rio, Madrid, Paris, Tokyo, Maui, Toronto."

"How about the W?"

"The W Hotel? Like the one here in the city?"

"I'm not sure I want to travel very far right now." She rubbed her stomach in emphasis. "Especially not out of the country."

"Well, that still leaves us with a lot of options."

"True." Kate chewed her bottom lip. "You want to go to the Hamptons?"

Rick shrugged as he swallowed the bite of egg roll he was chewing. "Really? I offer to take you anywhere you want and that's what you choose?"

"I like the beach house. You do too. We have a lot of fun there." Her eyes danced with alluded mischief.

"I'm sure we do. I just thought we could go a little farther away. How about Vermont? The leaves are changing, It'll be beautiful."

Kate tipped her head in thought. A small slow smile lit her face. Rick could clearly see she was on to something. "I'm sure Vermont is gorgeous. But then again, so are the Adirondacks."

"Your dad's cabin?"

Kate nodded excitedly. "We haven't been there together since the wedding. It'll be fun."

Rick watched Kate become increasingly animated. The cabin really wasn't what he'd had in mind, but it was starting to seem just right. He wanted to take her away from the stress of the remodel, and spend some time with her outside of their everyday environment. The cabin fulfilled both of those, plus with that being where they were married, romance was sure to abound.

"OK, lets do it. Let's head up to the cabin. Do you think it will be OK with Jim?"

"I'm sure it will be. He's really busy with work right now, so unless he loaned it to a friend, it's just sitting there ready and waiting."

While they continued to eat, they made plans contingent on the rustic home's availability. If all went well, they'd leave in the morning and come back a week later. What Kate didn't know though, was that mentally Rick was making some extra plans of his own.

After dinner was cleaned up, Kate went to the office to make some phone calls, but Rick stopped her on the way. "Hon, I need to run a couple errands, but I'll be back before it gets too late, K?"

"Yeah, OK."

"Need anything while I'm out?"

"No I'm good."

With that, Rick headed out into the city, determined to set some wheels in motion and hoping he'd be able to pull it all off.

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**A/N: Well the votes are in, and after counting the reviews and PMs... there is only a difference of one vote. Ahhhh so close. I actually expected there to be a clear majority. So I decided to make a compromise, instead of sticking to my normal 3 chapter schedule, and instead of pushing it to the 5 chapter week... I'll split it and post 4 chapters this week. So today, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I will post new chapters. Which means next week you'll get a chapter on Monday and then the final chapter and the epilogue on Wednesday.**

**In other news, if you like Casketty fan vids, check out my youtube page. I'm CastleFFDeBo81 and I'm about to post my latest video when I'm done posting this!**

**OK! I'll see you again tomorrow!**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The next morning, after packing and loading their car, Rick and Kate headed out of the city to Jim Beckett's cabin upstate. It took six hours, including lunch and three bathroom breaks, but it was a peaceful, scenic drive that both found quite enjoyable.

At the last stop, they found a grocery store where they stocked up on necessities for the week. While they loaded the cooler they'd brought, Kate suggested that she should drive the rest of the way since she was familiar with the back roads and small towns of the area.

The farther they went, the less civilization they passed. Occasionally they'd drive through a small tourist community or see signs for campgrounds, but with every mile, more and more trees, bathed in fall colors, lined the ribbon of pavement, up and down the hills of the area.

At the crest of a particularly high hill, Rick looked out at the sight before them and sucked in a deep breath. The descending sun danced off the surface of a nearby, glassy surfaced, lake. A cloudless blue sky kissed the fiery leaves of the plush woods. And the breeze entering the open car window held the distinct perfume of pine and woodsmoke.

"This is magnificent," he sighed.

"Isn't it though? When I was in high school, in October we had a four day 'reading weekend' to prepare for midterms. My parents and I came up every year, and every year it stunned me as if I were seeing it for the first time. I love the city and couldn't imagine living anywhere else, but this place has something so special to it too that I would miss it if I couldn't come back and visit."

"Maybe we'll have to make this a regular trip then."

XXXXXXXXXX

By the time they parked in front of the cabin, the sun was dipping farther in the west. So they put the cold food in the fridge as quickly as possible and then headed out for a quick walk.

Hand in hand, Kate led Rick down a leaf strewn path that bordered the property. She regaled him with stories from her childhood and teen years of when she'd played here with her cousins in the summers, and how as she grew, she'd explore the woods looking for places to read or day dream. She shared that after her mom died, she didn't visit the cabin again until recovering from being shot, and how she healed here, not only physically but in a lot of ways, emotionally, as well.

When they circled back to the cabin it was almost completely dark, and they were both tired.

Kate wandered into the kitchen and stretched the muscles of her lower spine. "How's grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup sound?"

Rick reached for her and began to knead the small of her back. "Sounds delicious. Why don't you go lay down on the couch while I make it."

"I'd rather you go make us a fire."

He nuzzled her cheek. "I thought you liked my cooking."

"I never said I didn't. I just said I'd rather you start a fire."

"I guess I could be persuaded."

Kate turned to face him. She touched the tip of her nose to his, letting their lips hover just a breath apart. With one hand she hooked a finger in the belt loop of his pants; with the other, she caressed his chest. "Please, Baby. I love snuggling in front of a crackling fire."

"Well, I guess if you're gonna ask like that."

Soon the couple was eating their food while sitting on the floor snuggled against each other, their backs to the couch, and their legs stretched out under the coffee table.

Rick dropped a kiss onto Kate's head. "Thanks for suggesting this. It's nice."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Anywhere with you would be, but the beautiful setting and quiet isolation, makes it feel like we're the only people in the whole world. This definitely needs to be an annual thing."

Kate rubbed her stomach. "Next year, it won't just be us though."

Rick pushed the coffee table away, and turned so that he was sitting on his knees in front of his wife. "No it won't." He bent down and kissed Kate's belly. "But we'll have our little girl, and that will be even better. By next fall she'll probably be sitting and maybe even crawling. We'll be tripping over her toys, filling bottles, keeping track of pacifiers and snuggling her in a soft, plush blanket."

"Sounds like we'll need a peaceful weekend."

He chuckled and nuzzled her neck. "No doubt. I'm sure quiet moments will be at a premium."

Kate tipped her chin up and at an angle allowing him greater access. "Maybe we should enjoy them then while we still have them."

"Maybe we should."

Before long, their clothes were tossed onto the couch and their bodies were bathed in the warm golden glow of the fire. Sweet whispered words, and slow lingering touches led to passionate kisses and hypnotic delight as they made love in the very spot where they'd spoken their wedding vows almost two years earlier.

XXXXXXXXXX

The days passed quickly as their vacation filled up with hikes and picnics, day trips to quaint little artist studios and antique shops, a canoe trip, a bonfire, a cribbage marathon, early mornings spent fishing off the dock of a near by lake and evenings star gazing, or snuggling in front of the fire.

On their final night, Rick insisted on cooking Kate a fancy dinner. During the day, he had run into town to shop for the meal, but had encouraged her to take the alone time to relax and pamper herself.

When he left after lunch, Kate rolled her eyes at the thought making relaxing such a priority. They were on vacation. She'd been relaxing all week. He just worried about her too much.

After putting away the lunch left overs, she looked out the open window and decided to go outside to read. A late season warm front had come through, lifting temperatures to almost eighty degrees, and she wanted to soak up the sun while she had the chance.

Kate ran upstairs to grab her book from the nightstand, and was disheartened to find that in her condition, running was becoming more of a chore. By the time she reached the top step the baby was kicking her hard.

"Am I shaking you up in there Little One?"

Another kick preceded what felt like a complete flip flop. She chuckled and patted her abdomen. "I'll take that as a yes!"

Once Kate had her book, Kate began to head back downstairs but stopped mid way and turned around.

_I wonder_... she thought to herself.

Half way down the hall, she opened a door that led to a steep and narrow flight of stairs. Taking them carefully, Kate was soon standing in the shallow attic. Carefully, she picked her way around stacks of bins and boxes until she reached a short wall of shelves. Almost instantly she found what she was looking for.

_Ah ha!_

After quickly inspecting the rope, Kate rolled up the hammock and hoisted it to her shoulder. If Rick wanted her to relax, she was going to go all the way. Nothing would feel better than lounging, and possibly napping, outside in the heat of the day.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kate recognized the sound of Rick's footsteps long before he arrived at her side. The slight limp he still had was a dead giveaway to her practiced ear. She kept her eyes closed, and schooled her face into remaining relaxed as if she were still asleep.

"Kate." Rick called softly before touching her shoulder.

Slowly she opened her eyes and smiled up at him, but was startled to see a peculiar look on his face, as if he was worried or confused.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just got one of those feelings like I almost remembered something."

Kate carefully sat up and swung her legs over the woven rope bed. "Tell me what you felt."

"It's like when you're looking for the right word and it's on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't recall it."

"But what triggered it? What did you see or think about that led you to try to remember?"

"When I was approaching you, a voice in my head warned me to be careful waking you. It felt like a voice of reason, of experience."

"Have I ever woke you up while sleeping in a hammock?"

"Nooooooo, I don't think so."

"Hmmmm. Maybe it was nothing then."

Rick sat down beside her and they began to slowly swing back and forth. She rested her head on his shoulder as she thought back to anything that Rick's mind might have been trying to recover. He squeezed her thigh, lost in his own mental search.

All of a sudden she perked up. "I think I've got it!"

"You do?"

"Close your eyes and try to picture this. About two months after we were engaged, you took me to the Hamptons for the weekend to unwind. See, it was a pretty hot summer and the soaring temps had brought people outside and tempers to the surface. Crime escalated with the temperatures and shootings and stabbings were almost a daily occurrence. We had a particularly rough case where a woman and her three kids were all killed in an apparent domestic dispute, so we brought in the father. He was enraged that we'd even question him, but in these cases, he'd be on the top of the list of suspects."

Rick nodded as she continued.

"Turns out, after a couple days, he was cleared when we confirmed his alibi, but he was angry and distraught and he wanted to place blame. We didn't have any other suspects yet, so he blamed me for not bringing justice to whomever destroyed his family. He assumed I wasn't giving the case all my attention so he began following me. It took a couple days to figure it out, but the more angry he became, the more ballsy he became. Eventually he ended up leaving threatening messages, including one hand-written one, taped to my apartment door. By the time patrol caught up with him, we'd broke the case and found out mom had a schizophrenic boyfriend on the side who'd committed the murders. When everything was wrapped up, we went to the beach house.

The first morning there, I went out by the pool and fell asleep reading in a lounge chair. You found me and woke me up by kissing me. I don't know if I was having a dream or if I was still on edge, but when I startled awake, I was defensive and sat up swinging. You were knocked into the pool before I even realized what happened. Thankfully, I didn't break your jaw in the process."

Rick didn't answer. When Kate turned to look at him his eyes were closed tight, while he concentrated.

"Does that sound or feel familiar?"

Several more moments passed before he relaxed or answered. "It... it does _feel_ familiar somehow. I can't remember it though. Is it weird though that deep in my head I believe that's what my brain was trying to recall? In some way it just... clicked."

"I don't think that's weird at all." Kate ran her fingers through Rick's hair, massaging his scalp in the process. "All these experiences, and more, are still in there somewhere. Even these little connections are great. It's something to build on."

"Yeah." Rick's body language reflected his skeptical tone, but he changed gears quickly. "So, dinner should be ready in about an hour and a half. Think you'll be hungry?"

"I'm always hungry."

"Should I bring you a snack first?"

"No. I can wait. I think right now I'm going to go take a long shower and then dress for dinner."

"I think that sounds like an excellent plan."

XXXXXXXXXX

When Kate descended the stairs, all the lights downstairs were off, and white candles of different shapes and sizes glowed from almost every surface. Soft music wafted from the small speakers mounted on the walls, inviting her to hum along to the familiar tune. Gloriously delicious smells tempted Kate toward the kitchen, but before she reached the door, Rick came through it, whistling, and carrying a bottle of red wine.

She caught his eye immediately, halting him at once. His eyes sparkled with open admiration and his mouth turned up into a wide grin.

After quickly depositing the wine on the table, he came to her, took one hand and lifted it so that she could spin for him. His eyes traveled over every inch of her, from the top of her upswept hair, over her clingy black dress, down her impossibly long legs to her the tips of her freshly polished toes peeking from her strappy heels.

"You look ravishing," he whispered in her ear.

Kate flushed with a shy smile and enjoyed an equally exquisite view. Rick had changed into fitted black dress pants, a bordeaux colored pinstripe dress shirt, and splashed on some of her favorite cologne. "You don't clean up so bad yourself."

She cupped his recently shaved cheek in her hand, as his fingers ran the length of her back, coming to rest on the curve of her hip.

Rick kissed her, but almost immediately pulled back. "I'd love to continue this right now, but if I do, dinner will burn. Let me seat you, and then I'll be right back."

XXXXXXXXXX

Dinner was everything they'd hoped it would be. They began with a spinach and arugula salad with cranberries, apples and almonds. That was followed by fillet mignon, parmesan and basil roasted red potatoes, grilled asparagus and crusty Italian bread made fresh that morning at the bakery in town.. Their conversation flowed from the food to their family and friends, to how much fun they'd had during their week upstate.

"I hope you saved room for dessert. When I stopped at the bakery for the bread, I picked up a four chocolate layer cake. They said it's the best in the state."

"Mmmmm, that sounds fantastic, but right now I couldn't eat another bite. I may need to walk some of this off first."

Rick peeked under the table. "How far do you think you could walk in those heels?"

"Let's see, three inch heels, six months pregnant, dirt paths in the pitch dark? Probably not far. But if you'd wanna take a walk, I can slip on some flats."

"OK, you do that and I'll clear the table."

Fifteen minutes later, they grabbed their jackets and made their way through the woods, hand in hand. Instead of bringing flashlights, they each carried a tall glass cylinder, housing a lit pillar candle. When they reached the edge of the property, they took the path that followed the river upstream. When they reached a small waterfall, Rick tugged Kate off the path to where a large flat rock outcropping hemmed the top of the falls and looked down to the shallow basin pooling below.

"Why do I have a feeling you planned to bring me out here all along?" Kate asked softly when Rick dropped her hand.

He reached in his back pocket, removed a taper candle which he lit from the one he already held and then proceeded to light eight small votives that skirted the rock. "I have no idea what you're talking about. This was completely spur of the moment."

"I can see that."

When all the candles were lit and settled, Rick returned to Kate, his eyes reflecting the dancing lights surrounding them.

"Can you blame a guy for wanting to give his beautiful wife, a beautiful evening?"

"No I can't."

"Good." Rick closed the space between them when he pulled Kate against his chest. She tipped her head up to him, seeking his lips. A fire of emotion was rapidly being stoked between them.

The heat of the moment increased with every passing second that they caressed and embraced. Whispered words of love passed between them on pleasured sighs.

After several minutes, Rick tore himself away from her, and panted. "My god, Kate, I came out here with a plan, and look what you're doing to me."

Her saucy grin was anything but apologetic.

Knowing he needed some distance in order to think, yet unable to stop touching her, he slid his hands down from her shoulders to her hands, clasping them tightly in his larger ones. His thumb rubbed her knuckles as he gathered his thoughts.

"For almost seven years Kate, you've been part of my life, and although I've been purged of the first hand knowledge of most of that time, I do know with every fiber of my being, that you have been the _best_ part. Losing all of these years of memories has been extremely hard, and you know that; but I've come to realize that the hardest part, is knowing that I've been cheated out of so much precious time with you. These last couple months have taught me so much about myself. About who I was, and who I am, and who I have the potential of being.

When I woke up in the hospital, I was a ghost of my own past, a shell of the person I'd become. I was incomplete because I didn't know that the other part of me, was you. I know that now. In these last four months, I think... I hope, I've grown back into the man you married."

Kate nodded, while blinking back threatening tears.

"I still hope with every fiber of my being, that one day I'll get back what I've lost. But even if that never happens, at least I have the comfort of knowing that I didn't lose what was was really important."

Rick squeezed her hands.

"In many ways we've started everything over. We've had to go back to square one. I've had to get to know a wife I didn't know I had and you had to get to know a husband that you lost in the blink of an eye. We had to relearn how to live and recapture lost love. In situations like that, there's no guarantee you're going to land on your feet. But I think we did.

That's why I brought you out here tonight... to celebrate that victory and recognize just how far we've come.

I know we still have a long way to go. We both have a lot to learn, and more adjustments to make, but what couple doesn't?"

Kate's smiling lips trembled as she shrugged. Her glistening eyes sparkled as she stared, enraptured, with what was unfolding.

"I love you Kate. I honestly don't know if it's with the same depth and passion as before, but outside of how I feel for my daughter, or, daughters," he moved their linked hands to Kate's stomach, "it's the most intense, soul consuming feeling I can ever remember having. And it makes me want to recommit myself to you."

Kate's breath caught in her throat, choking her up as she realized what was happening. Then Rick kissed the back of her hand as he dropped to one knee.

"Katherine Audrey Castle, would you do me the great honor of marrying me all over again?"

Kate crumpled down to Rick who was still kneeling, and kissed him repeatedly as she spoke through happy tears. "Oh Baby, of course I'll marry you again. I'd marry you over and over each and every day."

Rick's leg began to ache so he moved so that he could sit on the rock, and brought Kate down to sit on his lap. Once settled, he reached into his jacket pocket and removed a velvet box.

"I know you already have your engagement and wedding bands, but I didn't want to propose without giving you something special. So a couple weeks ago, when I decided that I wanted to propose again, I called my accountant to see where I'd bought your rings the first time, then I went to the jeweler to see what they had. Nothing stood out to me, but after talking with the owner, we came up with an idea. Thankfully I got the call that they were done the morning before we came up here. I just needed to pick it up!"

He handed Kate the box and then reached for a candle so that she could see better.

Carefully, she opened the clam shell case. The shiny platinum inside, reflected the nearby flame. The circle of faceted diamonds shone as if they were on fire themselves. "Oh Rick! It's beautiful."

Kate lifted the necklace out of the box, and held it out for Rick to put on her.

"I remembered you telling me that you wore your mom's ring on a chain up until her murder was solved; that it was a way you connected with the past and gave you hope for the future. So when Mr. Ricardo told me he could make exact replicas of our wedding bands, even down to the inscriptions and then link them into a single pendant, I knew that it was perfect."

"It is!" she sighed. "It really is. How can I thank you?"

"Just keep loving me Kate. That's all I'll ever need."

**X**

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**A/N: Yeah, I'd say Rick and Kate are back on the right path! :)**

**Remember, tomorrow there's no new chapter, but Thursday and Friday there will be!**

**Until then, happy reading!**

**DeBo81**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

After returning to Manhattan, life began to settle down in the Castle loft. The remodeling and redecorating of the upstairs rooms finished on time, allowing Kate and Rick to move into their new suite. And with Kate still in the beginning her third trimester, the work on the playroom began. They figured it was better to get it all done before they had a newborn in the house.

Plans for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's were made early so that arrangements for their renewal ceremony, and Kate and Jenny's baby showers could be written in stone. Life was crazy and chaotic, but fun.

As November passed, the temperatures dropped and Kate's belly grew. Alexis and her boyfriend, Matt, who'd just moved into their new apartment, hosted the Castle Thanksgiving celebrations for the first time, welcoming her Gram, Dad, Kate and Jim. The family ate and played together. They told stories, laughed, cried and enjoyed each other. They acknowledged all their blessings, and were especially thankful this year, for each other and the little girl they waited to welcome.

The following weekend, all the holidays of the season were put on the back burner, as the loft transformed for the vow renewal. Saturday, two nights before their second anniversary, the Castles would welcome a couple dozen of their closest friends to celebrate with them as they married again at midnight.

The rental company had come in and replaced their dining room furniture with cocktail tables. Then removed the living room furniture, replacing it all with dark silver colored chairs tied with pearl colored bows. A pearl colored aisle runner with ice blue damask edging parted the semicircle of chairs. The florist lit blue, silver and pearl candles around the room, carefully placed silver and pewter photo frames housing back and white family photos and adjusted over flowing vases of flowers, while another vendor hung sheer panels of material and prepared lighting to make the room feel soft and cool. As soon as the loft was transformed, only the wedding coordinator, the pianist, who was already beginning to play, and the caterers were left in the space.

Rick, dressed in a dark gray suit, white shirt and silver and blue striped tie, whistled when he entered the room. "Wow, this is magnificent."

"I'm glad you like it!" Thea Moore, the coordinator replied. "I was just about to go check on Kate. Do you need anything first?"

"No. I'm good. Shouldn't the guests be arriving soon?"

"Any time."

Rick took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His excitement over the night was building.

When Thea headed upstairs he glanced at his watch. Nine fifty. The ceremony was scheduled to start at eleven forty-five so that they would kiss at midnight, beginning their renewed marriage as the new day began. Before the ceremony, beginning at ten thirty, there would be cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, and mingling. Afterward, desserts and dancing until two.

It wasn't necessarily traditional, but they weren't traditional. Besides, it was a nod toward the planned engagement, that he'd forgotten. In fact many of the little touches they'd planned for the evening were reminders of why they were doing this again. His boutonniere and Kate's bouquet both contained not only classically bridal white cala lilies but dainty blue forget-me-nots. The photos around the room were visual memories for themselves and the guests. The candles, a reference to their first wedding ceremony, and the location, their home, the center hub of their lives.

The sound of the door opening, broke Rick from his thoughts. Alexis and Matt, entered.

"Hey Honey!" Rick welcomed his daughter with a hug, and Matt, a firm handshake.

"Hey Dad! You look good."

"Well thank you, but next to you and Kate, no one will notice me."

"Are you ready? It looks amazing in here."

"I, uh, think so. I hope so."

Alexis gave her recently shed coat to Matt who took it to the office- turned-coat room. "You're not getting cold feet are you? You're already married, and heck, you weren't even nervous the first time you guys did this."

"No, not nervous! I'm excited. Tonight is a big night. Not only because of the vows, but because..."

Alexis looped her arm around her dad's waste as he tried to collect his thoughts.

"...Tonight, in some ways, is an acceptance for me, of all that's happened. I've come to terms with the fact that those memories I lost, are gone, and it's time to stop holding onto those threads of hope and fully embrace the life I have."

"Really? You've given up?"

He squeezed her shoulder. "Don't sound so depressed. I wouldn't say it's giving it up, but it has been six months. I have to be realistic. And look around, my reality is a really good one. I have you and Kate and the baby on the way. Wishing for the past will just make me miss out on what's here and now. And then I've lost twice. I've been working on this for a couple months now, but tonight is a tangible turning point. From this point on, I only look forward."

Alexis stood up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek.

"What was that for?"

"Just cuz I love you and I'm glad you're still here."

"Me too."

XXXXXXXXXX

Not long after Alexis and Matt arrived, Martha, Jim and other guests began to pour in. Lanie and Javier, the Ryans, the Jakobsons and the Castle's neighbor Mrs. Randal didn't hinge on being fashionably late and actually arrived slightly early. Former mayor Robert Weldon and new wife Marisa came with the Markaways and were mingling with the Pattersons near the bar. Kate's Aunt Rita and Uncle Thomas joined the party long before either of her cousins, Jordan or Erik, arrived. When Captain Victoria Gates arrived with her husband Philip, the crew from the 12th gaped slightly to see their rigid boss so beautifully glammed up and relaxed. By the time the last few guests arrived, Kate was ready to join the party and waited for Rick at the head of the stairs.

Thea fetched the groom, who was busy schmoozing, signaling him to go to his wife.

Rick excused himself and took the stairs two at a time, eager to see Kate for the first time since early that morning.

When he spotted her, his steps slowed and his mouth dropped open. Every molecule of oxygen evaporated from his body and his head began to swim.

"My god Katherine, you are breathtaking."

Kate blushed under his appreciative scrutiny and spun around to give him the complete picture. Her hair was styled in a loosely side swept chignon, which highlighted her graceful neck where she wore her "engagement" necklace. The knee-length, ice blue, silk dress was sexy and fun, yet elegantly appropriate. It's deep V neckline and wide band under the bust complimented the swollen curves of her pregnancy without making her look dowdy or matronly. But what really pushed Kate beyond her standard beauty was her radiant glow.

"Thanks," she answered almost shyly.

"Seriously though, you look like an angel."

Rick took her hands but continued to hold her at arm's length as he admired her. "Let's not go downstairs. I don't want to share you." Finally he pulled her close and nibbled on her ear.

"You know we wouldn't be alone for long. Not with your mother and Lanie down there. I'd give it less than ten minutes before one of them came searching."

He growled into her neck and ran his hands up and down her back.

She leaned farther into him, yearning to be as close as possible to the man she loved. Three rapid, violent kicks pounded between them, jerking her back a step. "Guess who's awake?" she laughed. But when she looked up Rick had an odd grin.

"I totally felt that. She kicked me away."

"You know she doesn't like to be squeezed."

Rick's hands palmed his wife's protruding abdomen. "Do it again," he whispered.

"It's not a party trick, Dear."

"I know. I was talking to her."

Rick pressed against her again lightly trapping his hands between their bodies. "Hey, Sweetie, can you move for Daddy?"

Apparently happy to oblige, the baby shifted, making the entire mound he held, move in a fluid ripple.

Rick bent and kissed Kate's stomach, (something Kate had grown to love). "Happiest. Man. Ever."

Kate's smile deepened until she bit down on her bottom lip to keep her emotions in check.

The sound of footsteps approaching drew the couple's attention. Thea alighted the top step and smiled. "Are you guys ready?"

Moments later, they headed down to the party hand in hand.

XXXXXXXXXX

The couple's descent drew the attention of all their guests, much like a bridal procession would at a wedding.

Just before reaching the landing, they paused and Rick cleared his throat. "Friends and family, my lovely wife and I would like to thank you all for coming out this evening. We cannot express to you how much we appreciate your love and support, especially over these last few months.

Too many times in life, when your world shatters, you're left with little or nothing but broken dreams and despair. And without people like you, and like my beloved Kate, that could have easily been my fate. But together, we've picked up the pieces, we've put ourselves back together and we've gotten ourselves to a place where we can move toward the future. That is what tonight is about, resurrection, renewal, and re-commitment. There's a saying that 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life,' and tonight nothing could be more true."

Rick squeezed Kate to his side. "Kevin, could you bring us a couple glasses, I'd like to make a toast."

Soon he had a flute of champagne and Kate, one of sparkling cider. Rick raised his glass high, and the crowd followed suit. "To accepting the past, embracing the present, and living for the future."

The room echoed with clinking glasses and supportive cheers. But Kate and Rick were locked in a quick embrace.

After whispered, I love you's, Kate addressed the room. "The ceremony will begin shortly, but until then, please make yourselves at home and enjoy."

XXXXXXXXXX

After an hour of mingling, the lights dimmed, Robert Weldon, who married them two years earlier, took his place up front and the guests all took their seats. When everyone was settled, the pianist began to play. Rick extended his arm to Kate, who linked her arm around his elbow as they made their way down the short aisle.

When the music trailed off, Mr. Weldon addressed the group. "Beloved family, cherished friends, let me welcome you, again, as we assemble to witness the reaffirmation of marriage vows between Rick and Kate Castle. As you may know, they've chosen to make these vows as one day ends and another begins. Tonight represents the months and years leading up this point, a significant period of time to be valued and cherished. But as the hands of the clock move forward into a new day, so will the Castle's relationship move forward into a new chapter; a chapter of celebration and hope and, soon, new life."

The couple held hands and gazed lovingly into each other's eyes as their friend spoke. His words passed over them, only half acknowledged, as they absorbed each other's very essence. It even occurred to Kate that she might be more in love now than she was at their first wedding, if that was even possible.

Before the exchange of vows, Alexis read a poem by an unknown author.

"The Value of Together

Who knows the value of a second chance

More than he, who's undeserving?

Who knows the value of a moment

More than she, who's time is spare?

Who knows the value of fulfillment

More than he, who's been left yearning?

Who knows the value of commitment

More than she, who's half a pair?

Together, we find treasure

In what's common.

Together, we find joy

Despite the tears.

Together, we find strength

To move tall mountains.

Together, we shall face the future,

Hand in hand, throughout the years."

"That was beautiful, Alexis. Thank you." Weldon stated. "Now, as we approach midnight, it's time for the Castles to declare their vows to each other. Kate..." The mayor stepped away to let the couple speak.

Kate nodded and beamed up at Rick. When she spoke, her voice was soft and full of emotion. "When I first pledged to love and honor you for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health, we'd already been through so much, that a part of me, honestly, couldn't envision that maybe the future would present more hurdles. Not big ones at least; not like almost losing you, or having our lives reset. But here we are today, less than two years later, having run the gauntlet again. We've faced pain, anger, fear, disappointment, and uncertainty. We battled _against_ each other, _for_ each other and _with_ each other against the odds, and we've won. I stand here before you today, stronger, smarter, happier and more in love than I thought I was capable of. Our future will always be uncertain, and I'm sure that as we prepare to bring a baby into the world, that will prove true time and again. But there is no one I'd rather make that journey with. We no longer compliment each other, we've become a part of each other, so much so, that I no longer know where I end and you begin. So tonight, I recommit myself to you, heart, soul, mind and body. I love you Rick Castle, and I welcome a long future with you, come what may."

By the time she was done speaking, a tear had rolled down her cheek. For many in attendance, it was the first time they'd seen the unbreakable Kate Castle so exposed. But she didn't care. Rick wiped the droplet away with his thumb and then cupped her face in his large palms.

"My sweet, loving Kate. Where do I even begin?

When I was preparing for this, I looked up the word 'vow' online, and found this definition, 'A solemn promise, an earnest oath or sacred pledge committing oneself to perform a specified act or behave in a certain manner. A formal declaration, usually of love and devotion. A sacrament of fidelity. A consecrated binding of one to another.'

Those are powerful words. And too often in this world, we don't take them seriously. But you did. You didn't walk away when things got hard. You didn't accept the out I offered. You showed me what love between a man and woman can be; what it should be.

I've found over the last six months that for a man whose career is centered around words, you often leave me at a loss for them. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so that leads me to believe a feeling must be worth a million. But all the words, in all the languages, in all the world, only begin to express how I feel about you. Thankfully, there's a greater truth in the adage, 'Actions speak louder than words.'

So this is my vow to you. Every day that I live, not only will I tell you how much I love you, but I will show you my love, act on my love, and live out my love as steadily as I breathe. I won't do this out of obligation or fear of consequence, but simply because with you at my side, I can do nothing but love."

Before Robert Weldon could step forward again, Rick leaned in and captured his wife's lips, kissing her with with all the love and passion that filled them.

As they embraced, the clock on the mantle began to chime. It was midnight.

The crowd began to applaud loudly, though several were also dabbing away moisture from their eyes.

When the applause died and the couple broke apart, the former mayor clamped a hand on each of their shoulders.

"It is with great joy, I pronounce your vows renewed. May your journey together continue forward from this day, strengthened and revived. Rick, you already beat me to it once, but you may _again_, kiss your beautiful bride."

**X**

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**A/N: Sigh, I love happy endings, don't you?**

**Wait... What did you say? This wasn't the end? LOl! Oh you're right! We've still got tomorrow, Monday and Wednesday to go! Yippee! :)**

**Just as a side note, although the poem Alexis read was by an unknown author in the story, it's actually something I whipped up for this fic, and Teelduo was kind enough make a graphic for it. So pretty soon you should be able to find it on my Twitter, Tumblr, and at the 12th. (Thank you Teel!) Make sure to let her know that you like it!**

**OK, well I'll see you again tomorrow!**

**Have a lovely day!**

**DeBo81**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

After the vow renewal, Kate and Rick spent the week in the Hamptons, "honeymooning", which in reality was spent mostly relaxing now that Kate was approaching her due date, and her body was beginning to ache more often.

When they returned to Manhattan that Saturday, life again picked up it's rapid pre-holiday haste. Various parties, including the 12th's annual holiday bash, occupied an absurd amount of their evenings. While their days were spent at doctor's appointments, Christmas shopping, continuing to prepare for the baby, volunteering at three different soup kitchens and other fun traditions, like their all day cookie baking marathon and Rick's annual trip to the children's hospital where Rick got to play Santa, and Kate, Mrs. Claus, to oncology and burn unit patients.

Christmas, as usual, was a fairly quiet affair, focused on family above all else. The biggest surprise of the entire holiday was when Kate's phone began to ring, late Christmas night.

"Merry Christmas!" she answered.

"To you guys too," Lanie replied, her voice sounding odd.

Ever the detective, Kate noticed. "Are you OK?"

Lanie in all her "Lanieness", didn't play coy or beat around the bush. "Javi and I eloped!"

"What!? What? You did _what_?!"

"We eloped. We got married. I'm a married woman! I never thought I'd do it, but we did!"

"Oh my god, Lanie! Congratulations, but you gotta go back and start from the beginning!"

"Well you know we've been back and forth about marriage like, forever. And I just didn't see myself as the marrying type, and he's always wanted to settle down. We've split up more than once over the topic. But the night of your vow renewal, something changed for me. When we were dancing that night, I whispered to him that I wanted what you and Castle have. And he told me I already had it. He wasn't going to go anywhere.

I let it drop, but then on the way home I admitted that I knew he wasn't going anywhere but that maybe making it official might not be a bad idea after all. He was stunned and like for the next three days kept asking me if I was sure."

Kate was flabbergasted! This had all taken place more than two weeks ago and this the first she was hearing any of it.

"Then this morning we exchanged presents, and he gave me a ring. And it's gorgeous girl. I don't know if he was trying to compete with your boy or what, but he really outdid himself! Girlfriend has got some serious bling going on!"

Kate chuckled but didn't interrupt.

"Anyway, so I'm sitting there in my robe, my hair is all up in rollers, cuz we're supposed to be going to his parents for lunch and I'm just like blown away. I couldn't talk to give him an answer or anything. I'm just torn between squealing yes and panicking. But somehow I don't think he was surprised. So like after what felt like an hour of silence, I looked up at him and realized that I couldn't tell him no. I didn't want to. I wanted to marry him, but I was afraid that maybe I'd change my mind if I was able to think about it too long. So I told him yes, and then was honest about my apprehension.

The boy jumped up off the floor, grabbed his phone and texted Judge Markaway. Apparently he owed Javi for a favor last spring. And two hours later we were standing in His Honor's living room, getting married in front of the entire Markaway family! I kid you not girl, it all happened so fast, I'm still not completely sure that I'm not just dreaming!"

"Oh my god Lanie. I can't believe it, but I am so happy for you both!"

"I think we're going to do the traditional wedding this summer, but that's more for his family than anything else. Will you be my Matron of Honor?"

"Yes! Just give me some time to lose this baby fat I've packed on."

"Ha! You don't have an ounce of fat on you girl, you are all baby!"

"Right!"

"Hey I'd love to stay and argue with you about this, but we have a bunch more phone calls to make and it's already after nine. Will I still see you on Tuesday so we can shop for Jenny's shower?"

"Yeah. Meet you at Remy's at noon?"

"I'll be there. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too Mrs. Esposito! And congratulations. Give your husband a hug for us!"

"My gawd! Mrs. Esposito? That one may take a while. I think I'm going to have to stick to Dr. Parish, at least, professionally, like you did."

Kate laughed, not surprised at all. "Well, goodnight, whoever you are!"

"Night!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Like most years, the Castle loft hosted a New Year's Eve party. Unlike most years, it was remarkably low key. Instead of going all out for an over the top event, Rick and Kate, Jenny and Kevin, the newly wed Espositos and the Jakobson family gathered for a marathon game night to ring in the new year. With Kate and Jenny reaching their final weeks of pregnancy and the Jakobsons not wanting to leave the kids for the night, the plans were not only practical, but surprisingly exactly what they all wanted.

Kate had been a bit surprised when Lanie said that she and Javi would be joining them at the jokingly nicknamed, "Boring Parent Party", instead of going out. But since both she and Javier were on call starting at midnight. Low key was definitely the way to go.

At seven o' clock, Becca, David, Ezra and baby Naomi were the first to arrive.

"Hey guys! Thanks for coming!" Kate greeted and took their coats.

David, who was hauling a diaper bag, a booster, a portable high chair and a folded up pack and play asked where he should put the throng of kid gear.

"The play room is done now. We figured the kids might want to camp out in there." Rick offered.

"Sounds great," Becca sighed as she adjusted the chubby baby on her hip. "Lead the way."

Rick led the entire group down the hall to the newly finished room.

Stepping into the room was like stepping into every child's dream. Ezra's little eyes grew as wide as saucers while he took it all in.

Kate followed the group in. "Since I designed the nursery, Rick wanted to plan this room. Never let the man-child plan a toy room, this baby is already spoiled completely rotten."

The former master suite looked like a children's museum. The room was painted in a bright, cheery yellow. Framed board games like Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders and Sorry decorated the exterior wall between the windows. The short wall near the doorway was covered in flat Lego sheets, ready to be built on, and the long interior wall displayed a giant Toy Story mural, but Rick's favorite part was the colorful plastic play tubes around the ceiling that began with foam steps and ended in slide that emptied into a small ball pit.

The room was essentially divided into two sections by a chest high wall of shelves and cubbies. The front two-thirds, where the group stood, had a rubbery floor and housed the Lego wall, ball pit and steps, child-sized doll house, puppet theater, play kitchen and a large variety of toys, dress up and plastic musical instruments stored neatly in the dividing wall of compartments.

The smaller section of the room was tiled and set up with art and science stations, including a small steel sink. The short wall between the bathroom and closet had a low counter and stools. The back side of the cubbie wall was half painted in chalk board paint, and the other half was a dry erase white board. Kate explained that although their daughter was years away from using most of this, that the cabinets were stocked with everything from craft supplies to Mythbuster science experiments, should Ezra ever want to enjoy them.

Next Rick showed them the Finding Nemo themed bathroom, which had been converted so it now housed matching adult-sized and child-sized toilets, sinks and mirrors, and a baby-changing station. The tub was still the same as they'd had it, but was now topped with a hot tub cover so kids couldn't play in it without an adult's help.

The last stop on the grand playroom tour, was Rick and Kate's favorite. The giant, former, walk in closet had become a reading room.

Kate led the Jakobson parents into the small room since the kids were already busy playing. The walls were painted to look like a fairy tale forest, complete with cottage on one wall, and magic, mountaintop castle on the other. Thick green shag carpet looked like grass growing from the floor and since there was no windows, unique, bluish full ceiling panel lighting was on a dimmer so that the level of brightness would take the "sky" of the room from night to day. Hip-high, wooden book cases were loaded with everything from "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" to "Green Eggs and Ham" to "Mouse On A Motorcycle" and Nancy Drew. Four over sized bean bag chairs invited the adults to take a seat. David sank down into the orange microfiber one, Rick chose the blue denim. Becca settled into the red chenille one and Kate looked at the purple satin covered one, but decided she might never get out of it if she attempted to sit.

"Wow." Becca said and she continued to look around. "This place is like the love child of PBS and Disney. Your daughter is so blessed!"

"Well not just our kids." Kate stated. She still thought Rick had gone overboard, but what was done was done. "Your kids, and soon the Ryan's kids, and hopefully all of this one's school friends will get to enjoy this for a long time. He did a good job planning for kids of almost any age."

David was a bit in awe himself. "Ezra will never want to leave."

"He's welcome any time. You know that." Rick answered.

"You might regret that if he starts showing up at your door every day!" Becca laughed.

Before anyone could reply, a knock at the door signaled that some of the others had arrived, moving the party back into the living room for the night.

Together, the four couples rang in the new year with laughter, excitement and hope.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nine days later, the four ladies, along with a couple dozen other women, gathered at Jenny's sister's house for the Ryan's baby shower. Four days after that, and more than two weeks earlier than expected, on January 13th, Collin Michael Ryan entered the world.

"This is good practice." Rick quipped from the driver's seat as they headed out to visit the newly expanded Ryan family.

"What is?"

"Driving to the hospital. I'm timing it, so that when it's our turn next month, I'll have a good idea of when to leave."

"Yeah, somehow I can't see you being this calm if I were actually in labor."

"Oh ye of little faith. When Alexis was born, I was calm, cool and collected."

Kate's skeptical eyebrow told him she wasn't buying it.

"Well, at least in comparison to Meredith. After like four contractions she was screaming for an epidural and telling me how I'd ruined her life and her body and how much she hated me for it."

"Seriously?"

"Yup and that was hours before we actually went to the hospital. Her contractions were like twenty minutes apart. By the time she was actually in labor and delivery, she could have taught the sailors down at the port, a few new words." Rick's tone softened as he spoke, revealing how much his ex's words had hurt him.

Kate rubbed his thigh. "I can't promise that when the real pain hits, that I won't say something I'll regret, but I want you to know right now, while I am fully functioning and clear headed, I love you. I love that I'm having your baby. And although I fantasize about having my body back, I couldn't be happier."

"I know. Me too."

XXXXXXXXXX

The elevator ride up to the eighth floor was uneventful, but as they stepped past the sliding doors, a back spasm hit Kate hard. For more than a week her lower back and hip had been paining her. Her OB examined and assured her it was just the normal discomfort of late term pregnancy, but they still made Rick nervous. With one hand she needed the aching muscle, with the other she tried to hold her belly so that maybe it would alleviate some of the strain on her body.

Rick guided her to a bench across from the elevators, just as a nurse walked past.

"Let me get you a wheelchair" she called.

"No, I'm fine." Kate answered but the nurse didn't hear.

While she approached the couple, the questions began. "No one called up to say you were here. Did you come in through the ER? They should have brought you up in a chair."

Rick shook his head at the scrub clad woman who's tag read Trudy Witvolt, "No, we came in the visitor's entrance cuz we're here to see..."

"Oh well you're here now. How far apart are your contractions? Has your water broke?"

Trudy was now wrapping her arm around Kate to help her up.

"No. I'm not having contractions. It's just a back spasm." Kate finally got through.

"Well, why don't we get you settled in and checked, then let the doctor..."

"Ma'am," Rick interrupted. "We aren't here as patients. We're visiting the Ryans. See?" He pointed to the visitor sticker on his chest.

Trudy flushed with embarrassment. "Oh my gosh. I am soooooooooo sorry. About fifteen minutes ago, we got a call that a woman with back labor was heading in. When I saw you, I just assumed... Please, forgive me."

Kate laughed, her back was already feeling better. "It's OK. I understand. And we will be here in a couple more weeks, but I'm not due til Feb 8th. I've just been having some muscle spasms and joint pain."

"Ahhh yeah. No fun. But you don't have too much longer. Now, you said you were here to see the Ryans?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick knocked on room 822 and waited for Kevin to duck his head out of the curtain.

Kate grinned the moment she saw the proud new daddy. The only time she'd seen him so excited was his wedding day.

"Hey guys!" he said as he approached them. "Kate, if you wanna go in, Jenn's feeding him, so I think Castle and I might hang out here a little while.

"Good idea," Rick nodded, before handing his wife the bag he carried.

Kate went in quietly and pushed back the curtain hanging in the doorway. "Congratulations Mommy!" she cooed softly.

"Auntie Kate!"

"How are you feeling?"

"Actually, not bad. I'm not even that tired. I think I'm too buzzed."

Kate rubbed her hard mound of belly. "You're not just putting on a brave face for me are you?"

"No, I mean it hurt, but I think I psyched myself up for something much worse. I was so freaked when the labor started, I just tried to ignore the contractions and hoped they'd go away."

"No such luck, huh?"

"Not really, but now that I have him in my arms, I'd do it again tomorrow if I had to."

Moments later, little Collin finished his meal, and Jenny asked Kate if she wanted to hold him. Kate hesitated. The mom-to-be felt suddenly nervous. The youngest baby she'd ever held was probably around three weeks old. This tiny newborn seemed much smaller and more helpless.

Jenny chuckled as she snapped her gown back up. "You might as well practice with someone else's kid first, right?"

Kate smiled and bit her lip. It wasn't like she wasn't going to be holding her own in the next month anyway.

After placing the gift in the chair, taking off her coat and washing her hands, Kate stepped close to the bed so that Jenn could place the swaddled bundle in her arms.

Kate was surprised by how natural it all felt, and unconsciously began to sway side to side. "He's so small."

"Six pounds, fifteen ounces, nineteen inches long. Not bad for being early."

Kate gazed lovingly at the round, little face peeking out from the plush blue blanket. "He's perfect Jenny."

Just then, the guys joined them. Kevin took his wife's hand and Rick went to stand behind Kate so he could peek over her shoulder at the "man" of the hour.

"She's right. You guys make beautiful babies," he stated surely. Rick's arms encircled Kate's waist, coming to rest on her prominent baby bump. "Makes me want one of my own."

Kate grinned. "Well, I guess we'll just have to work on that won't we?"

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**A/N: This is my last Friday morning post for this story *sniff sniff*. By this time next week we'll all have moved on to bigger and better things.  
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**Thank you so much for all the kind words concerning the last chapter. I'm touched that so many of you were moved by it. I didn't even write my own wedding vows, writing fictional ones for someone else, is daunting to say the least.  
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**Well with 2 chapters and the epilogue left, I'm sure most of you can easily guess what's still to come! I'm looking forward to it and I hope you are as well.  
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**Have a wonderful weekend!  
**

**DeBo81**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The following Saturday, Kate found herself sitting on her mother-in-law's couch, excited and overwhelmed. Martha's condo was decorated in beautiful cherry blossom décor for the baby shower, and filled with the women in her life whom she loved and respected most. Ladies were mingling throughout the space, waiting for the luncheon to begin, when Alexis called for everyone's attention.

"Good afternoon ladies, and thank you so much for coming out to celebrate Kate and the imminent arrival of my new little sister. Gram says lunch will be served soon, but in the mean time we have a quick game to play."

A knock at the door caused Alexis to pause.

"Hold on, Dear, looks like we have another guest," Martha called as she raced to the door.

A moment later Jenny Ryan entered the room, with a car seat over one arm, and diaper bag and gift in the other.

Kate pushed herself out of her chair and approached her friend with open arms. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing here? There's no way I'd miss this!"

"It's snowing like crazy outside and you just gave birth like four days ago. I would have understood you not showing up!"

"Pssssh. I can't think of a better place for Collin's first outing, than your baby shower! I'm just sorry I'm late. Didn't realize how hard it is just getting out of the house with a baby on your arm!"

The women hugged. "Well, thank you. And you aren't late. We're just starting."

XXXXXXXXXX

After the game and meal, everyone headed back to the living room for gifts. For close to an hour, Kate opened gift after lovely gift until only one was left.

"Last one, Darling!" Martha practically sang.

It was from Alexis. Kate balanced the box on the end of her knees while she untied the bow and lifted the lid. Inside, was a beautiful custom made, brushed-silver frame with space for three photos, and inscribed in black script, the phrase, "Sisters: life made us family but love made us friends"

"Oh Lex!"

Kate lifted it from the box for a closer look.

"I thought I'd put black and white baby pictures of her and I on either side, and one of us together in the middle. You can use it as a picture frame but then if you flip that little clasp, the back opens up and it becomes a photo album. So we can add more pictures later."

"Thank you Honey! I can't wait to see you guys together!"

"Me either!" They hugged quickly while the guests passed the photo album around the room for inspection. "There's something else in there too."

A white envelope with Kate's name on it, sat at the bottom of the pink box. When she opened it, she found two, year-long passes to the movie theater, and a generous gift card to Remy's. "Those are for you and Dad, and I'll babysit for you whenever you want to go out!"

The women in the group nodded in agreement; a night off was the best gift frazzled, new parents could get.

When the gifts were all done, coffee was poured and everyone sat around talking. It was no surprise that having the new baby in the room and the mom-to-be on the verge of popping, conversation quickly turned to birth stories.

Jenny told everyone how she realized she was in labor after she'd emptied every book off their wall-length, built-in bookshelves, dusted the entire unit and then reorganized every book in alphabetic order, according to the author's last name. When she completed the project, she stood up and her water broke all over their office floor. Before that moment, she hadn't even felt any contractions. By the time Kevin got home, they were four minutes apart. Five hours later, she was holding their son.

Martha shared that she'd given birth on April fool's day, and she was the biggest fool of them all. She'd been to the hospital and sent home, six times in ten days before Richard finally came. So when the labor was real, she didn't believe it and ignored the signs until it was almost too late. She called a cab, who's driver tried to refuse to take her, for fear of having to deliver the baby himself. But after a colorful threat and a generous bribe, Martha arrived at the ER with enough time to get into an exam room before giving birth in the arms of a surprised nurse.

Kate had heard the story more than once before, and ruefully noted, that the larger the audience, the grander the story became.

Others shared their stories as well but the one that she never expected to hear was that of Victoria Gates. The older woman had become a mentor to Kate in the last couple years, but they rarely shared personal experiences that didn't directly involve their careers.

"I uh, don't have a very exciting birth story, as much as a unique pregnancy story." Gates stated. "I'll be the first to admit, I never planned to be a mother of one, let alone three. But after a couple years of marriage, my husband, really wanted to be a father. We talked about it and after a few months we decided the way we'd become parents would be through adoption. I was a rookie on the force and didn't really want to stop working, or deal with the physical concerns of being a pregnant cop. And also we both had a real heart for the children in the world without homes or loving families, so, it was a perfect option. About a year passed while we went through the process, before we got the good news. A baby boy was waiting for us in a hospital in Jersey. We rushed out and the moment we saw Jordan, it was love at first sight. We were thrilled! He was exactly what our family needed. Unfortunately, within a week of having him home, I became very ill. My husband was having to care for the baby by himself, because I was just constantly getting sick. After a week of this, he took me to the hospital, sure that I'd contracted some horrible disease. Instead, we found out that I was eight weeks pregnant with twins!

For seven months, I was in shock. I had never been someone who planned to have a family and I was about to be the mother of three kids under ten months old. Then the girls, Andrea and Aria, arrived and I couldn't picture my life without them. I ended up taking around six months off of work and just embraced being mom. Nothing could have prepared me for that, and looking back now I'm not really sure how we survived it at times, but we got by. Now Jordan is a senior and is hoping to go MIT in the fall, and Andi and Ari are juniors, and are involved in everything from choir to student council.

Several other mothers shared their stories as well, which Kate appreciated. Frankly, after going through the birthing classes, she'd become afraid, but wouldn't admit it to the others. Not for the first time during the pregnancy, she ached to have her mother still in her life. It was a hole that could never be completely filled, but somehow, the women whom she was surrounded by became a kind of communal surrogate, that brought her comfort and strength.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next two and a half weeks passed agonizingly slowly in the Castle home. Kate was chronically tired and uncomfortable, and Rick was becoming a nervous wreck. Every time she winced or held her stomach, he darted his eyes to her, watching for signs of imminent birth.

By the week of her due date, Kate had reached her breaking point. "Rick, you need to leave."

"Excuse me?"

"Just for a little while. I just need some space for a bit and I don't feel like leaving. Ever since yesterday's appointment when Dr. Carter told me it could be any time, you haven't stopped staring at me. I'm not a circus act. I'm not going to spontaneously explode. I haven't even had a contraction in three days. So please, go for a walk or something."

"It's six degrees outside!"

"Then go out for coffee or to the movies or to one of the guy's houses for an Arkham City marathon."

Rick still didn't appear to be convinced.

"Hey, I read in the paper that the museum had the new Myth busters exhibit open. And I'm pretty sure the forensic entomology display you wanted to see is still around. Go check those out for the day. Have a blast! Enjoy yourself!"

The light in his eyes told her she'd hit the right button, but still he hesitated. "I don't want to leave you. What if you need me?"

"Just take your phone. I'll be fine."

"But the baby..."

"...Won't be here before you are. I'm not in labor, and these things don't just happen. Go! I promise if I have more than three contractions in an hour, I will call."

"Any contractions," he countered.

"Two in an hour. Come on, the hospital doesn't even want to see me unless I've been having them every five minutes for more than an hour. I haven't had a single one in days. One isn't anything to worry about."

Rick took a deep breath and appeared to concede. "You really want to get rid of me?"

"Yes."

He turned toward the coat closet while muttering something under his breath about not feeling appreciated.

Kate waddled to the door behind him and offered him her sweetest smile. "Thank you Baby. I really do appreciate all you do. I just need some 'me time'."

"What are you going to do? Nap?"

"I dunno. Maybe read or bake some brownies. I've been craving brownies." Kate kissed his pouting lips. "Maybe there'll even be one or two left when you get back."

"I won't hold my breath."

She smacked his arm. "I can't eat a whole pan of brownies."

His raised eyebrows disagreed, but he was wise enough not to voice his doubts.

"OK, well I'll be back in a couple hours." He kissed her again and rubbed her belly. It rippled under his touch. "Call me, if you need me."

"I will. I swear."

After he'd left, Kate turned around and leaned against the closed door. _What was she going to do?_ Brownies did sound delicious, but did she really need them? When her stomach growled, she took that as a sign in the affirmative and headed directly to the kitchen.

XXXXXXXXXX

An hour and a half later Kate licked her fingers and stretched. Those were some amazing brownies. And there was still more than half a pan left. She should probably wrap them up so they didn't dry out, or more importantly, so she didn't enjoy any more.

Slowly, she scooted to the edge of the couch and carefully pushed herself up to stand. Chocolatey crumb rolled off her belly and landed on the floor.

Crap! Now she had to vacuum too. After putting the baked goods away, Kate made her way down the hall to fetch the vacuum.

When she flicked on the closet light she gasped. The small utility space was disgusting. The shelves of cleaning products were dusty and unorganized. The floor could use a good sweeping and the vacuum needed cleaned out.

Nesting instincts quickly clouded her judgment and before she knew it, Kate Castle was cleaning the cleaning products. This is why when Rick came home three hours later, it was to find his wife sitting on the floor of the kitchen, with their Dyson completely disassembled, cleaning each little piece with a bleach wipe and then cataloging it, presumably for reference during the rebuild.

"Kate!"

"Oh, hey Hon. How was the museum?"

"What are you doing!?"

"Just a little cleaning. I never realized how gross these got inside."

Rick took her hands and pulled her up to standing. "Baby, why?"

"I hadn't planned to, but I spilled some crumbs and had to get them up, but when I went to vacuum, I just saw all the dust and I thought about all the germs it might be spreading around. I can't let the baby be around all that, so I figured, while I've got the time..."

Kate slowly trailed off the more Rick stared at her like a crazy person.

Gently he pried the random piece of plastic out of one of her hands, and the Clorox wipe from the other. "Why don't you go take a shower and change. I'll take care of all this."

"But I'm not done."

"You don't have to finish. I was planning on buying a new vacuum tomorrow anyway."

"No you weren't!"

Rick quickly swept over the mess on the floor with his eyes. "Yeah I was. I was going to surprise you."

"Liar. You're mad at me. Aren't you?" Kate's lip trembled, and her eyes welled with tears.

"No. No! Of course not. Just a little... concerned."

"You don't understand!"

"I think I do. But it's fine. Really. Look, go shower, and when you're done we'll order some Chinese food and then watch a movie. K?"

Kate sighed and looked at the mess on the floor. She was exhausted and her back and one side of her belly really ached. "Fine."

Rick kissed her head. "Good. Thank you for going to so much trouble to prepare for our daughter."

"I just want everything to be perfect!"

"It will be. We just need you to save your energy so you're ready to have her!"

XXXXXXXXXX

While they waited for their food to be delivered, Rick went to his desk and took out the giant notepad of baby names.

"Little Miss could arrive any day now and we still haven't narrowed down the names much. What do you say we try to pick our favorites?"

"Sure, we've gotta settle on something, sooner or later."

"Yeah, maybe we could make some first and middle name combinations. Are there any more you want to eliminate? The ones we still have are: Claire or Clara, Lillian or Lilly, Julia, Megan, Olivia, Eliza, Tabitha, Avery, Ava, Abigail, Eve, Adeline or Addie for short, Barrett, Keene, Bronte, Austen, Emerson, Nora and Paige."

"I think Eve sounds Christmasy." Kate answered absently while twirling her hair.

"And I'm still not feeling Olivia or Tabitha."

"OK, get rid of those three. How many does that leave?"

"Sixteen."

"Ug. OK, um then I think we should try to whittle it down to just our absolute favorites."

During the rest of their wait for food, all through dinner and even after Rick had cleaned everything up, they were still discussing names. Kate even began to have irregular contractions, and the friendly debate continued.

By eight thirty, Kate's contractions were coming around every twelve minutes, and they finally had a top five list of full names.

"Since it looks like we might be getting ready to meet this little lady, I'm going to put these finalists in my phone." Rick announced while switching from the contraction timer app to the notepad app on his device. "Will you read them to me in no particular order?"

Kate took the crumpled, scratched out list and squinted to read the writing in the corner. "K, let's see... Lillian Barrett, Adeline Claire, Julia Bronte, Ava Emerson, and Abigail Keene. And we'll pick the winner when we see her."

"I am so excited. Soon, we're going to hold our beautiful new daughter, with her beautiful new name. Could life get anymore wonderful?"

Kate motioned for Rick to help her off the couch, but winced when a sharp pain on the side of her stomach hit her.

"Contraction?" Rick asked.

"No. It just hurts in one place. I think I was sitting too long. I need to walk."

Rick joined her and matched her pace while lightly keeping his hand on her lower back. Even after an hour of walking the loft and talking quietly, the pain never subsided. The contractions, didn't either though and were now bouncing between nine and eleven minutes apart.

"I don't think it's time to call the doctor yet, but maybe you should take my bag and pillow down to the car. I'm thinking we'll probably be at the hospital before dawn."

He jumped on it, anxious to move things along in any way possible. While Kate gave him instructions, he ran around the loft gathering their things.

After he headed out the door, Kate felt a trickle down her leg, and headed to the bathroom, anxious to see if her water broke. But just before tugging down her sweats, the trickle turned to a warm gush.

She looked down, expecting to see a puddle of water on the tile floor, but instead, screamed when she saw her white socks becoming crimson. She patted the front of her damp, sticky pants, and when her hand came away, it was covered in bright red blood.

Suddenly dizzy, Kate leaned against the wall and sunk to the floor. Panic engulfed her and her breath strangled in her throat. Somewhere in the back of her head, her basic medical training told her to calm down because panic would only make the blood pump faster. But all she could think was, _N__o. Please, No._

The pains continued to rip through her body, never really letting up, even between the squeeze of contractions. For the first time since her mom's death, Kate found herself praying to a God she wasn't sure about, not for her own life, but for that of the daughter she was afraid of losing.

Then she heard the front door open and shut. "Rick!" she called as loud as she could.

He found her quickly, and immediately paled.

Nothing could have prepared her for the look of horror that crossed his face as he took everything in. And his obvious fear only served to terrify her more.

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**A/N: I know! I know! You hate me! What am I doing? Haven't they been through enough? **

**I'm sorry but this is how the story wrote itself! I wish I could give you another chapter today, but after my daughter got the flu this weekend, everything in my life is about 3 days behind right now! I'm still planning on giving you the final chapter and epilogue Wednesday though, so hang tough.**

**To all those in the path of Hurricane Sandy, take car of yourselves and be safe. My prayers are with you!**

**DeBo81**


	23. Chapter 23

**Well I know this isn't a trick, but I hope you find it to be a treat...**

**The final chapter and epilogue of "Picking Up The Pieces"  
**

Chapter 23

Rick gasped as if he'd been punched in the gut. When Kate called him, he had no idea something was wrong. So when he found her pale and sitting in a pool of her blood, he choked on his own bile.

Before he could react, a vision of her lying in a grassy cemetery flashed before his eyes. He pushed the frightening thought aside and focused on trying to help. He reached for his phone and dialed 911 as he knelt down beside her.

"What happened?"

"I thought my water broke, but..." her entire body tensed as her abdomen spasmed. "Oh god it hurts!"

The anguish in her face, ripped his heart to shreds.

The voice on the phone answered on the second ring. "911 what is your emergency?"

"My name's Rick Castle, and my wife is in labor, but she's bleeding all over the place."

"OK, Mr. Castle, crews are on the way. Is your wife conscious?"

"Yes, but she's weak, please hurry."

The next eight minutes until the paramedics arrived felt like eight hours. And the entire time, panic and fear kept playing tricks on Rick's mind. For a brief second, he thought Kate's bloody hand was wearing a white glove. When he told her he loved her and begged her to stay with him, the hauntingly painful look in her eyes made him recoil with ghostly familiarity. When he watched the medics load her onto the gurney, he swore he heard Lanie's voice tell him she'd be OK.

Rick didn't let the hallucinations, paranoia or whatever it was, distract him from Kate and the baby. Instead, he fought past the confusion and focused on his wife's distraught eyes.

The paramedics didn't allow Rick to join them in the ambulance, due to an extra medic helping Kate. But one of the cops who'd showed up, an Officer Hastings, knew him, and took him in her squad. The fast paced trip to the ER was a blur of introspective thoughts and fears, punctuated by red and blue flashes of light and screaming sirens.

After they arrived at the hospital, Kate was only in the exam room a few moments before they began wheeling her to the elevator. A kind-hearted nurse grabbed his hand and pulled him along for the ride up. She told him that although things were serious, mom and baby were doing OK. They'd need an emergency c-section, but the situation wasn't as critical as first believed.

Rick held Kate's hand on the elevator ride and told her over and over again to be strong and that he loved her. He could see her fear, but she never voiced it. Instead, she only restated his words of love back to him.

When the doors slid open, the doctor informed Rick that for emergency procedures, he couldn't be in the OR, but to gown up so he could join her in recovery.

He kissed Kate's lips firmly, hoping that any strength he had in his body would be soaked up by his wife and child. Then he watched helplessly, as the three scrub clad physicians and nurses pushed Kate through a set of swinging doors.

The one nurse who remained with him, guided Rick by the elbow to the front desk. She coached him through the stack of insurance forms and medical releases that he blindly signed, and then took him back to another room so he could wash up and change into scrubs.

It was in that room where he waited silently. It was a hellish eternity, and he felt as if he was going mad. He took the quiet time to text Jim, Alexis and Lanie. They would pass on the information to the rest before coming to the hospital as well.

Anger poured into Rick's veins like fire. He was sick of hospitals. Why couldn't anything just go right? He punched a box of paper gowns hard enough to leave an imprint. Dammit, this was supposed to be the happiest time of their lives, not another trauma!

Rick paced the small, yellow tiled room that reeked of antiseptic, until a faint noise caught his ear. He hurried to the stainless steel door, that he assumed led to the OR, and pressed his ear against the cool metal.

Sure enough, he could hear the faint sound of a newborn's mewing cry. Relief washed through him like the heat of a whiskey shot. His daughter was alive. Hot tears ran unchecked down his face. She was OK! Rick fell to his knees and wept for the joy of his child's life and fear for his wife's.

The tears had begun to dry and his shaking hands stilled by the time a nurse rejoined him.

"Mr. Castle?"

"Yes," he sniffed.

Seeing him on the floor, with his hands cradling his face, she quickly appraised the situation. "I'm gonna need you to scrub up again real quick, but then I can take you to see your wife."

"What about the baby?"

"She's been moved to the NICU for observation. I can take you up in a little while."

"But they're OK?"

"Yeah, they'll both need a little time to recover, but they're good."

"What happened? Why was Kate's labor like that?"

"She experienced something called a placental abruption. It's when the placenta begins to pull away from uterine wall before birth. It can be quite serious, but both mom and baby fared well. Your wife is receiving a blood transfusion but we were able to stop the bleeding, and that's key. And your daughter seems to be doing very well, but will need oxygen and fluids for a little while."

His hands began to tremble again, but this time out of relief. "Thank you. Thank you so much." He worked quickly to get cleaned up again and then followed the nurse back to the next room.

Kate was still on the table, covered in blue drapes, and connected to monitors, IVs, blood and oxygen.

"Kate, Honey, are you OK?"

"Yeah, they said I'll need to stay a few extra days to recover but I'm OK. No permanent damage."

"Thank God." Rick stroked his wife's hair. "Have you seen her yet?"

"They held her up for a second but then took her away. She's got good strong lungs though, and lots of dark hair."

Kate's eyes closed and Rick just let her rest.

Several people continued to work in the room, occasionally checking on the new mom. After a while, Kate opened her eyes again. "What are we going to name her?"

"I was just thinking about that. I want you to pick."

"But..."

"I like them all. Whatever you choose will be perfect."

"I hate that she's just Baby Girl Castle right now, but I think I want to hold her, or at least touch her first."

"That's fine. Whatever you want is fine. You scared the hell out of me tonight Kate. I really thought that I might lose both of you."

Kate reached for Rick's hand, stroking it with her thumb. "Scared me too, not so much for myself, but for her. I had to fight for her life."

"I've never seen anyone fight harder."

Thoughts of what happened and what could have happened, held the couple hostage.

Recalling the earlier events triggered something in Kate. "When we were still home, you said something to me, and it made me wonder... did you...do you remember my shooting?"

Rick looked into her eyes and began to shake his head no, then stopped. He shut his eyes and concentrated. "No, I don't think so. Not the way I remember other things, but when everything was happening and you were covered in blood and close to passing out, I think... I had flashbacks. It was like I was seeing stuff, for just a second every now and then, that wasn't there, but I know was real. Does that make any sense?"

"Kinda, yeah."

"It was like I was remembering the emotions, through these sporadic flashes of recollection. I tried to ignore them, but, frankly they were terrifying."

"I think that day, and probably today, were just as traumatic for you as they were me."

"Then lets not have any more traumas. We've had more than our fill."

"Agreed."

One of the nurses who'd been filling out paper work on the far side of the room, approached them. "Kate, I need to check your incision and vitals, but then are you ready to head to your room?"

"When can I see my little girl?"

The nurse in purple scrubs smiled. "Maternity and NICU are both on the same floor. I'll see if we can swing by on the way to your room."

XXXXXXXXXX

Rick's pulse raced. While Kate was being checked and transferred, he was able to go on ahead to the nursery. At first he resisted, choosing to stay with Kate. But she told him to go. Their baby needed him.

After being tagged with three different medical bracelets, he made his way to the next floor. He was finally going to meet his new daughter.

It took clearance through a security check point and a nurses station, but eventually he was ushered into the quiet room of small plastic bassinets and incubators. In the far corner, under a warming light, and hooked to an oxygen tube and IV, Rick's precious child slept.

"May I?" he asked Nurse Foster, who'd brought him in.

"You can touch her."

He ran his large fingers over her dark brown downy hair. "She's so small."

"Actually at seven, four, she's our biggest resident in here right now. And that's good. She won't be here long I'm sure."

"When can I hold her?"

"Soon. Dr. Epstein, the neonatologist on call, needs to see her again before anyone should pick her up. She's not terribly ill, but her blood counts and oxygen levels were down from the abruption."

The kind nurse could read the anxious father like a book. "Don't worry, that's a normal result from such a traumatic delivery. But she's strong and full term. She just needs a little extra TLC to rebound quickly. We don't want her to get sick."

Rick caressed the translucent skin of his baby's cheek, arms and toes.

"If you'd like, I can bring you a rocking chair, so you can sit with her."

He smiled. "Yeah that would be great, thank you."

XXXXXXXXXX

When Kate was wheeled in about a half hour later, Rick noticed that her color had drastically improved, much to his relief. Once she was situated, the staff left the couple alone with their daughter, to enjoy the couple minutes they had together.

"She's so beautiful." Kate breathed.

"She looks like you."

From where Kate was positioned, she could only reach one of her daughter's tiny hands, but that was enough, because immediately the infant wrapped her hand around her mother's finger.

Kate choked up and wiped at her tears.

"Ava."

"Hmmmm?" Rick asked.

"I think she looks like an Ava."

He rubbed his wife's shoulder. "Me too."

Again Rick touched the tiny cheek, and this time she opened her blue eyes.

"Ava Emerson Castle, our sweet angel."

Kate saw the nurse coming to take her to her room. "We love you Baby Girl!"

XXXXXXXXXX

The next afternoon, Kate's room was full. After twelve hours of observation, Ava had thrived and been moved to the standard nursery. And since Kate was recovering well also, she was allowed a few extra guests. Besides the new parents and chubby cheeked arrival, sat big sister Alexis, two doting grandparents and "TiTi Lanie".

The family reveled in the joy of the new baby, and couldn't stop expressing their relief that everyone was OK.

"Did Rick tell you the other news?" Kate asked the group.

"Uh no." Alexis stated without looking up from the bundle in her arms.

"His memory flashed back a bit last night."

Everyone's eyes turned to Rick.

"She's exaggerating. She hasn't had much sleep."

"No, I'm fine. And your memory did come back." she turned to look at the others. "We talked about it more this morning. He remembered things from the cemetery and the ambulance ride. Stuff I knew happened but never saw. He may have been told about some of it, but," she turned back to Rick. "What you explained to me were things you saw from your perspective. And maybe it's still mostly gone right now but this proves to me it's all still in there. And I believe one day you may get more back."

"I don't like what I remembered. Maybe I'm just better off just forgetting it."

"You remembered a part of one of the most traumatizing days of your life. You have six years of decidedly better days in there. And I'm not going to give up on that. Maybe it will come back, maybe it won't, but I'll never say never."

Martha chimed in. "Gotta say, I'm with Kate on this one Richard. I think this family has proved more than once, miracles still happen."

Rick sighed. A little butterfly of hope strummed deep within him still, but he'd learned to ignore it. Now, watching his wife and two perfect daughters, he knew anything was possible, and like Kate always said, only time would tell.

The End

Epilogue

February 4, 2017

"Daaaaah-deeeeeeeee!"

Rick groaned and buried his head deeper into the pillow, without waking.

"Da Da Da Dahhhh Deeeeeee!

He grunted and patted the bed behind him. "Kate, Ava wants you."

No answer. _Crap, she's still at work. OK OK._

Rick propped himself up and squinted at the clock, 2:36 in the morning. With a sigh, he pushed himself out of bed, grabbed his robe and shuffled to the door.

"Daaaaaaaaaaah-deeeeeeeeeee Up! Av up!"

"I'm coming Peanut!"

The moment Rick opened the door, the smallest wavy haired brunette in his life began bouncing gleefully in her crib. "DahDee up! Up! Up! Up!"

He hoisted the tiny girl up into his arms. "Yes, I'm up. But why are you up?"

Ava laughed and grabbed his nose. "Up!"

The experienced father, brushed the child's hands away gently and checked her diaper. "You're dry. You have your binky and Gog," he told her, referring to her pacifier and Ava-named, stuffed hedgehog that she adored. "Whatcha need Kiddo?"

Two bright blue, wide, hopeful eyes stared up at him. "Mama," she answered simply with a trembling lip.

He hugged her snugly to his chest and headed to the rocking chair. "I know, Baby. Me too. Mama's been working a lot hasn't she? But she had to work lots of days in a row so she could be here all weekend with us. Tomorrow, well today actually, is your birthday. Did you remember that?"

Her downy head nodded under his chin. Then a single finger appeared right before his eyes. "Av one".

"That's right. My Ava Girl is one. Happy Birthday."

She babbled something in response that sounded like she was probably telling Gog happy birthday as well.

"Are you ready to go back to sleep now?"

No she wasn't.

Ava began to cry fat, inconsolable tears into her daddy's shoulder. He rocked her and hushed her and ended up telling her a story until he thought she'd dozed off again. But when he stood to put her back to bed, the little girl woke up again, with tears quickly filling her eyes.

"Daddy has to go back to bed, Peanut."

"No."

"Yeah I do. And so do you."

"Mama!"

"She'll be home when you wake up."

"Av up!"

"I know you are. But I meant in the morning. When the sun comes up, then Mama will be home. Then later, Lexi and Matt, Gram and Papa and everyone will come to your party. But you have to go to sleep first."

"No! No seeeeep Dah dee!"

"Please?"

"Av up Mama, Dah dee!"

Rick blew a breath of air out his lips.

"You want to come sleep in my bed? You can sleep on Mama's pillow."

Her soft head nodded vigorously against his cheek. "Go Dah dee!"

He quickly gathered her sleep lovies and carried her back to his room. Once settled on Kate's side of the bed, with every spare pillow he could find, now arranged on the floor next to her, Ava fell almost instantly asleep.

Rick climbed in on the other side, and didn't find sleep quite as fast. He stared at his daughter, who was sucking softly on her binky, and caressed her chubby cheek. His baby was already a year old. It didn't seem like that was possible. At times, it felt like Alexis should still be that age.

Rick thought back to the year before. At this time, he would have probably just been going into the NICU to meet her for the first time. She'd been so tiny and frail looking, with all those tubes and wires attached to her.

Thank God she'd done so well. Now she was a healthy, thriving toddler, who walked and talked and got into the kind of mischief one would expect out of his progeny.

And Kate, she recovered well too. Despite the complications with the delivery, there were no lasting effects. She came home after a few days, spent four months as a full-time new mom, and then went back to work on the force where she began training Detective Moriah Hall. Det. Hall is a young natural, much like both Kate and Captains Gates. Under their watchful eyes, she was getting the opportunity to work with the best and advance quickly. She was doing so well in fact, that Kate had come to a somewhat surprising decision. In June, Kate would retire from the NYPD. She'd found that motherhood was a calling she didn't want to share with a career outside the home. Besides, next month, she and Rick planned to begin trying for another baby.

She wouldn't completly be leaving her police days behind though, when Kate gave Gates notice of her plans, the Captain worked out a deal with her arranging for her to be a civilian consultant from time to time as needed. Rick was thrilled about this, because he knew it was a perfect answer to all the secret doubts his wife tried to keep hidden.

Ava kicked her blanket off and rolled toward him, sprawling in an odd way that he'd only ever seen Kate sleep. He chuckled.

He was so happy.

Before long, his eyes grew heavy and his breathing grew shallow. When he finally fell asleep, it was with a smile playing on his lips.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kate padded softly into the bedroom after locking her gun in the office safe. She stripped off her blouse and jeans, tossing them into the hamper, before heading to the bathroom to wash up.

When she returned to the bedroom, she shed the rest of her clothes, slipped on some flannel pajamas and headed toward the bed. As her eyes adjusted to the dark room, she noticed Gog sleeping on her pillow. Upon closer examination, she could see that the sleeping mound of blankets on Rick's side of the bed wasn't only her husband, but their daughter as well.

Kate grinned. Rick was on his back, one arm above his head, and the other wrapped around Ava's waist. Ava was using her father's bicep as a pillow and had tossed a footie-pajama clad leg over his stomach.

Kate crawled in to join her family. She kissed each of their foreheads before snuggling up to their sides. It had been a long, awful night at work, but returning home to her family was already melting the stress and horrors of her latest shift away.

Despite her exhaustion and the fact the dawn was looming just over the horizon, she couldn't sleep. Her mind was racing with everything from gruesome images of the triple homicide they'd just cleared, to details for Ava's party only twelve hours away.

Kate chose to focus on the party so that she could put the closed case out of her head.

Alexis and Martha were going to take Ava out for a birthday lunch and then back to Martha's place for a nap, while she and Rick decorated the loft, picked up the cake and prepared the food. Then they'd come back just before her dad, Alexis' fiance Matt, the Ryans, Espositos and Jakobsons arrived to celebrate.

Kate smiled to herself. Tonight, the same people who welcomed Ava on her first day home, would be the same people who celebrated her first year with them. So much had changed in the last year, perhaps not as much as the year before, but enough that last February seemed like both, a heartbeat and a lifetime away.

Lanie and Javi bought a condo only three blocks away from the loft, and were now actually talking about starting a family. The Ryan's had been through the ringer after finding out that Collin had a heart defect that had already required two surgical repairs, and would likely require a couple more as he grew. Thankfully the little boy did well despite the health issues, and had just taken his first steps the week before.

Th Jakobsons, in a lot of ways, probably had the most mundane year out of everyone in the group. The most notable things Kate could think of were that Becca had started up an online business selling custom jewelry that she made at home, and Ezra had begun preschool.

In their immediate family, life had taken a few happy turns as well. Martha's acting school had a successful off-broadway run, with a musical version of Heat Wave, effectively doubling business for her. Kate's dad Jim retired and spent two days a week watching Ava if she was working, so that Rick could write or attend meetings for the last Nikki Heat book he was writing, "Final Heat". And perhaps the most exciting news... last summer, after Alexis and Matt graduated with their Bachelors degrees in Biology and Psychology, they were engaged to be married. Now the two spent most of their time either in grad school or planning their July wedding.

Ava turned over and began to fuss, drawing Kate out of her musings. She wrapped her arm around her daughter and tugged her close to her body, while inhaling the sweet lavender scent of her baby shampoo. The little girl's eyes cracked open just long enough for her to whisper "Mama" before falling back asleep.

It was moments like this that confirmed to Kate that she'd made the right decision about retiring. As much as she loved her career, her heart broke every time she left for work. Her pulse raced in fear every time she pulled her gun, unsure if she'd ever see her family again. When the hours grew long, her focus went to the two halves of her heart waiting at home for her, instead of the task at hand.

Kate had already missed Ava's first steps and the day her first tooth came in. She wanted to be there for her other milestones. She was in a unique situation where she didn't have to work, so she was going to reap the benefits and stay home. Besides, if things went well, by this time next year, they'd have another little Castle to care for.

She looked over to her husband and thought back to the months and months spent trying to conceive Ava. Although, Rick's brain had gifted him with a few more random glimpses of the time he'd lost, he still didn't remember much, including that. When it came to planning for another baby, he was more optimistic than her, that they'd get pregnant quickly. Maybe it was cuz they had Ava already, proving that they could indeed create a beautiful baby together. Maybe it was because naturally he was more of a "glass half full" kinda guy. But maybe it was because he didn't have to remember facing the painful truth of infertility month after month like she did. No matter what the reason, he'd almost convinced her that they'd be expecting again before summer, when she would resign.

Kate sighed and cleared her thoughts. She didn't want to think about that right now either. Both Rick's memory and her work situations were bittersweet topics that could sway her emotions if she lingered on them too long. She didn't need to play the mental game of "what if?" right now. Today was about Ava, their sweet, precious little angel. And if she didn't get some sleep soon, exhaustion would trickle in and affect the rest of the day.

Rick turned to his side and wrapped his long arm around both her and the baby, cocooning them in his warmth. Joy and comfort soothed away everything else but the satisfaction of the moment, finally allowing Kate to truly relax. As her eyelids grew ever heavier, she rested her hand on Rick's firm shoulder and dropped a final kiss on her daughter's soft hair before eventually drifting into a deep and dreamless sleep.

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**Author's note of thanks...**

**First and foremost, I need to thank you, the reader, for making this story a success. I won't lie, I had doubts. More than once. But you stuck with me and encouraged me. I think many of you really enjoyed this fic, and I'm thrilled, because that's why I do it. It's not about being internet popular, or feeling a sense of accomplishment. It's about giving the fandom a story that they can get into and really enjoy. So if you've liked this story... even a little. I've done my job.**

**And if you did enjoy "Picking Up The Pieces", I would be thrilled and honored, if you would share it with your friends. It's never too late to read a fic!  
**

**Next, I want to thank ABC, Andrew W. Marlowe, Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic and all the writers, producers, cast and crew that give us Castle each and every week. Without Castle, we wouldn't have this fandom of friends, the fics, the vids, the forums, the books, etc... What what we be doing with our lives if Castle was never made? Gasp! That's a scenario too horrific to consider for very long. But seriously, our enjoyment is their job. They work long, hard hours, striving for excellence so that for an hour each week, we can escape into a fictional world of awesomesauce! If any of you who are involved with this show read this, thank you so much!**

**And last, but certainly not least, I need to thank two very special women in my life, Teel and Kat. Even though it's my name typed on the front of the fic, this story would not be what it is without the selfless help these two have given me over the last six months. I can't tell you how many times they've listened to me whine about being stuck and uninspired. How patient they were between chapters (you guys only had to wait two or three days usually. They often waited three to four weeks between them... especially the darker more emotions ones). Or how many times they had to whip out the "tough love" and tell me "More details. I wanna _see, __smell, or feel_ it", "That makes no sense, fix it", "Feels rushed, do it over", "You can make me cry, that didn't make me cry. Go back and try again.", or even Teel's frequent reminders that she wanted me to bring Rick's memory back... sorry Hun, you didn't really win that one, and yet I think you're OK with that!**

**If you don't write, I don't know if you can fathom how wonderful it is to find the rare treasure of a friend that is brutally, lovingly honest, and who is so insightful that they instinctively know what you want to create and are willing to push you past, what you think are your limits, to produce that. I am blessed because I don't have one of these gems, but two. Picking Up The Pieces started as a random idea that I didn't have the time to cultivate, became a work of frustration that challenged me as a writer, and finally ended up as a story I'm proud to share with you. This is because of Teel and Kat. So ladies, I know you are reading this right now and are probably shaking your heads and may be trying not to cry (yes the story is over and I'm still tugging that emotional chain), but what I've written here is the honest, wonderful truth. And you deserve all the credit I've given you and more. Thank you so much. I hope to have the pleasure of working with you again.**

**Until next time...**

**Always,**

**DeBo81**


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